For years I didn't understand it. I'd plan party after party and only a small percentage would RSVP ahead of time. Even though friends proclaimed me to be the ultimate party planner, few committed until the day of the event.
I had a couple of friends who would say they'd come, which really meant they'd be no-shows. If they said they couldn't come, they actually would make an appearance. Fun.
"Why are young adults so non-committal?" I'd wail. It's hard figuring out how much food to buy when the majority of your guest list refuses to RSVP until an hour before the party- if at all.
It's a hosting nightmare but I did the best I could. No one ever left my house hungry and there was always a good mix of people.
I never thought I would become non-committal. Once I decide to do something, I'm in it for the long haul. I don't accept invitations out of guilt. I maintain an active social life. My yes meant yes, my no meant no. I RSVP'd as soon as I checked my schedule. I volunteered or joined groups if I knew I could make the time commitment. Life was grand.
Until the last few years.
A non-committal trend has slowly emerged, for a variety of factors. At the top of the list would be Social Work Survival Mode. I thought once I quit my job a year and a half ago, I'd go back to my usual self but it's taken a bit more time. I've also underestimated the sheer energy required when one uproots their entire life for another state. I may be a people person but I'm also an introvert and still require more downtime after hanging out with new folks. I'm really looking forward to having a community baseline.
I'm deeply committed to a few things: work, God, Dinner Club, writing deadlines, books, my family, and a few close local friends. Anything else depends on a variety of factors.
The non-commitalness has eased its way into new friendships, church attendance, self-improvement efforts, and so on. I don't like it one bit. Then again, it is pretty easy to make last-minute decisions or no decision at all.
I haven't gone to my church in a few months now. There were reasons at first- travel, grief, and so on. But now there's some wall there (past church baggage?) I can't get over. I love my church. It's safe, it's been so healing. I want to go to church. But I haven't been able to go.
I was thinking about this a few Sundays ago. I already knew I wasn't going to go to church. I was getting ready for the day, really puzzling over the conundrum, when my word for this year hit me.
COMMIT.
It arrived so clearly, it shocked me for a moment. I didn't even argue with God.
I, who never used to be non-committal, need to commit. Not in a legalistic sense. Not out of guilt. But because I need to push through whatever has been holding me back. Because I want to grow. Because I want the things that are good for me, even if it's not always pleasant attaining them.
I see this playing out in a few areas of my life.
- church
- home group
- community
- writing
- myself
(Because I know someone will ask this, a brief note: I do not have commitment problems when it comes to dating. Nor will I try on-line dating. The end.)
This word terrifies me and that's why I know it's the word for this year. It's time to get back to being fully me again and I'm someone whose word is true across the board.
If I commit to commit, there's no turning back. I will see this through.
I will be a brand-new person by the end of the year. I will be more myself.
One Word blog button by Melanie of Only a Breath (she'll make one for you, too!)
This post is a part of the OneWord365 community.
Do you have One Word for this year? Any tips on committing?
