HopefulLeigh

The Perks of Modern Dating

 

Disclosure: This is a sponsored post for HowAboutWe.  I was provided a free copy of Modern Dating: A Field Guide and paid to host a release party with no expectation that I would provide a positive review. The thoughts, opinions, and reactions are entirely my own.

Disclosure: Amazon Affiliate links included in this post. If you click through to Amazon from HopefulLeigh, I'll get a few pennies to help support this site, along with my book habit. Thanks for your support!

"You're single right now, and whether it's by circumstance or design, you might as well enjoy it as best you can. Because being single, at least in the way women get to be single today, is a luxury our mothers and grandmothers didn't have." - p. 12

If you are single, chances are good someone has asked you, "have you tried on-line dating?" This question has become the go-to advice for singles.

It's easy to see why. Most of us know at least one couple who met on MatcHarMingle. We also know dating looks different now than it ever did before. Online dating simply must be the answer to our dating woes. (Never mind if we've communicated said woes to the advice-givers. Singleness seems to invite unwanted advice upon itself.)

I've tried 3 different online dating services over the years. The dates I went on weren't horrible but they weren't that great either. After the last stint in 2009, I decided I'd given it my best shot and acknowledged it wasn't a good fit for me.

Up until I read Modern Dating: A Field Guide, I didn't think anything of removing online dating from my repertoire. Don't get too excited but I might just give it another chance.

Modern Dating, written by Chiara Atik, is brought to us by HowAboutWe. I'd never heard of HowAboutWe before the book but it's an intriguing premise. You still set up a profile but you also suggest a possible date in your city. As in, "how about we go to Centennial Park and have a picnic?"

 

There's so much more to modern dating than online dating, however. Texting, Facebook, the rise of the independent working woman- all this has changed the way we date. Packed with tips, how-tos, date ideas, infographics, and insights from industry experts, the book is written for today's single woman. Each chapter is broken down into sections, such as "How to Avoid the Friendzone," "The One-Date Rule, " and "The Worst Six Words to Say on a Date."

It's similar to reading a magazine. Short, sweet (or sassy), and to the point.

The beauty of the book is you can read it cover to cover or you can bounce around from topic to topic. Atik has an engaging writing style. She's in the dating trenches with us.

Not every section will apply. This is not a Christian book so there is a good deal written about sex. I appreciated her emphasis on encouraging women to figure out when the time is right for them to have sex, in spite of the occasional "old fashioned" reference in terms of those who are saving sex for marriage.

This is really a book about dating, not a formula on how to get married. Modern Dating puts the focus where it should be: having fun and figuring out what we want from a relationship. I love when a review copy exceeds my expectations.

***

Friday night I invited a few friends over for a Modern Dating release party. Chocolate, wine, and talking about dating. It's a sure formula for a fun evening.

Half of us weren't in relationships, half were. Some had hardly dated, some dated a lot. One grew up under the "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" movement and is figuring out how to date now. We shared our stories and our struggles as we flipped through our copies of the book. We laughed A LOT.

While reading the book, I shared on Facebook that I was considering trying online dating again and they of course asked me about this. We looked through the chapter on online dating and I wondered out loud if it really was another way of diversifying my options. It's not the only way to get a date but maybe there's some fine fellow sitting in another part of town that I would otherwise not encounter.

As we talked this through, one of the women said she was thinking about giving online dating another shot, too.

Rather conveniently for us, the purchase of Modern Dating has a code for 3 free months on HowAboutWe.com. That's a $54 value. I'm almost running out of excuses!

We'll see. I reserve the right to claim denial if you ask me if I've signed up yet.

Forgot to take pictures during the party. So. Wine! Chocolate! Books!

Atik writes, "Know this: 'I don't text' is no longer an acceptable declaration for someone to make. (Not everyone must love it, but surely everyone, if he or she is dating, must DO it.)" As a begrudging texter myself (and often frustrated by men who text incessantly instead of call), I don't necessarily agree. What do you think?

Quiet review

Even though I've always been happiest when I've had the day to while away reading, even though people described me as shy when I was little (to which I disagree), even though large groups exhaust or overwhelm me, I didn't embrace my introversion until early 2012. I read Adam McHugh's fascinating book Introverts in the Church. I loved it so much, I held a weeklong series and still describe it as the most lifechanging book I read in 2012.

Every time I mention I'm an introvert (or my Myers-Briggs type: INFJ), people ask if I've read Susan Cain's book Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking. I really wanted to read it but there are a trillion books I want to read on my To Read list and so there it languished, until a review copy became available through the Blogging for Books program.

I wish Quiet had been written years ago. I saw myself on every page.

 

 

"Introverts, in contrast, may have strong social skills and enjoy parties and business meetings, but after a while wish they were home in their pajamas. They prefer to devote their social energies to close friends, colleagues, and family. They listen more than they talk, think before they speak, and often feel as if they express themselves better in writing than in conversation. They tend to dislike conflict. Many have a horror of small talk, but enjoy deep discussions." p. 11

Not only did I see myself on every page, I saw that my introversion has always been an intrinsic part of me, even those years I believed I was an extrovert. INFJs are the most extroverted of the introverts, which was part of my confusion, but I also succumbed to what Cain describes as the Extrovert Ideal.

Extroverts are prized in American society at every turn, from business on down to elementary school. Cain spends time delving into how extroversion has seeped into our churches (with a shout out to McHugh and his book, prompting me to say, "I know him! I know him!"), schools, economy, and work environments. She profiles well-known introverts (like Steve Wozniak and Rose Parks) and shows how their introversion helped them in their calling. She also interviews a bevy of experts and every day folks.

The result is compelling. While the focus is on the power and talents all introverts hold, a good deal is geared toward extroversion and what works and what doesn't. Especially the pitfalls of extroversion, which have led us on precarious paths.

For instance, introverts are more likely to be passed up for work promotions and not have their ideas credited or research funded. How many breakthroughs and advances have we missed out on as a result? If they express caution, such as the case of those who spoke up in the months and years before the bank crisis, they're either not heard or not taken seriously. In today's classroom and workplace, group work is expected and preferred, to the detriment of those who do their best work privately or 1:1. I would do horribly in either scenario! It shouldn't be a surprise that productivity often decreases in these scenarios.

We have much to learn from one another and there's a danger when we go to an extreme with either temperament. It's best to let people work out of their strengths and complement each other.

I could have kept reading for another 300 pages at least. It's a fascinating topic, whether examining personality research, delving into what shyness actually is (guess what? I'm not shy!), and detailing the hallmarks of Highly Sensitive People, who can be introverts or extroverts.

I highly recommend it for everyone but particularly those in leadership positions and parents, especially if their personality style differs from your child. The same goes for those who are married to someone with a different personality style. Cain has a way of presenting the information so you can see yourself but also identify areas of improvement.

I have no doubt I'll refer back to Quiet often in the years to come.

 

 

Disclosure: Amazon Affiliate links included in this post. If you click through to Amazon from HopefulLeigh, I'll get a few pennies to help support this site, along with my book habit. Thanks for your support!

Disclosure: I received this book free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group as part of their Blogging for Books program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255.

What I'm Into (April 2013 Edition)

  

April's weather has fluctuated between hot and cold, rainy and humid. April doesn't know what it wants. This is not so far from me. I'll tell you this much: I want many more days hanging out at Arrington Vineyard, feasting on bread and cheese, trying out different wines, and spending time with dear friends like Abby. 

 

Read and Reading:

A Homemade Life (Wizenberg) was a true treat. I'm a fan of Wizenberg's blog Orangette, albeit a sporadic reader. Her book is beautifully written, memories and stories gently folded around food. Her recollections of her father were especially evocative. I laughed and cried and, of course, bookmarked recipes to try.

I read Wild (Strayed) with low expectations. For as many people who have been wowed by Strayed's memoir, I've heard from people who disliked it. I can see why. Strayed is somewhat of a mess and she doesn't sugarcoat that fact. There were times I wanted to shake her. But there's something truly redemptive about her hike on the Pacific Coast Trail. As so many people she meets along the way tell her, this is her pilgrimage, her way of atoning and reconciling the past.  I'd say it's worth the read.

I reviewed Bread & Wine. I finished Quiet (Cain), review coming soon.

You can see all the books I've read at Goodreads. My fiction and nonfiction recommendations, comprised of books with 4 or 5 star ratings, are on Pinterest.

Currently reading: The Omnivore's Dilemma (Pollan), American Wife (Sittenfeld), Eat With Joy (Stone), Life After Art (Appling), Wonderstruck (Feinberg), Walking on Water (L'Engle),  When Helping Hurts (Corbett and Fikkert).

(I read 6 books this month.)

 

TV:

Must-see TV: Once Upon a Time,  Psych, Rachel Zoe Project, Vampire Diaries, Real Housewives of Orange County, The Americans, Call the Midwife

I've been making my way through the second season of Felicity and pretty much reliving my college experience. Felicity and I were in college the exact same years, after all. Unfortunately, I never had a Ben or Noel in my life. But the clothes and the angst? I had that in spades.

Arrested Development's new season debuts May 26. Rest assured, as soon as I'm back from Africa, I'm tracking down someone with Netflix.

So You Think You Can Dance returns May 14. OMG I CAN'T WAIT.

 

Music:

I've been loving Tegan and Sara's new album. It's hard to believe I've been listening to them since I was in college.

Musicians Corner starts back up the first Saturday of May. If you're in Nashville, you owe it to yourself to stop by.

 

Best Videos:

Everything is a Remix Part 1. 

 

Everything is a Remix Part 1 from Kirby Ferguson on Vimeo.

 

 

  Things I Love:

• Celebrating my friend Casi's wedding this past weekend. Congrats to her and Chad!
• Kelley sent me my first Le Creuset, a blue gratin dish. Blue is my favorite color. I didn't even tell her that. I have the most awesome friends.
• The Healing Balm from the Honest Company. It's a miracle worker for my eczema. I'm also digging the lotion. I swear my skin is so much happier since switching to their products.

• 
• I put together a fashion inspiration book using all the magazine pictures I've saved from the last few years. I've got all sorts of ideas now.
• Found some fun maxi dresses at New York & Co. and Francesca's. I haven't thrifted in ages but it's on the agenda in the next week or so. I need more maxi dresses and skirts in my life!
• My friend JJ's Happy Hour: Dating Challenge. She is my hero.

• Myers-Briggs turned 70 and put up some fun party favors on their website. You'll want to download your personalized Type Head. INFJ foreva!

• Preston's Sacramental Baking e-course changed my life. I hope some day to fill you in on all the reasons why.
• Pitch Perfect has a sequel coming out in 2015. Aca-awesome.
• Taking a leap of faith and having someone catch me. Relief isn't a strong enough word.
• This might be my new favorite buttermilk biscuit recipe.
• Tsh and Emily's podcast about all things writing is well worth the listen.
• Skyping with friends, whether discussing faith or reality tv.

 

In the Blogosphere:

Trying something new. I've put all my favorite links up on Storify.

 

On The Blog:

I'm not quite back to my usual posting schedule post-sabbatical. But I did cook quite a bit and I made a case for not marrying young. Quite a few people accused me of reading their mind when I asked people to stop telling me they don't understand why I'm single.

Alise Write included me in her list of 26 Favorite Blogs because she's awesome. You've been keeping up with her Christian Guide to Athiests series, right?

On the HopefulLeigh FB page, I asked if you'd be interested in reading a multi-part story about my relationship with church. The answer was overwhelmingly YES. It should be up sometime mid-May. And just in case you thought I was a better person than I am, I asked if you'd judge me more for watching the Kardashian interview (reality TV at its finest!) or the new Hallmark movie (Chuck and Rory!).

 

<div align="center"><a href="http://www.leighkramer.com/blog/what-im-into" title="What I'm Into at HopefulLeigh"><img src="http://www.leighkramer.com/What%20I%27m%20Into%20site.jpg" alt="What I'm Into at HopefulLeigh" style="border:none;" /></a></div>

What I'm Into Link Up Guidelines:

1. Today’s link-up will stay up for one week. The next What I'm Into link up will be Friday May 31.

2. Link the unique URL of your post, not your blog's home page. Readers peruse link ups months after the fact and you want to make it easy for them to find your What I'm Into post.

3. Please include the What I'm Into button or mention you're linking up with What I'm Into at HopefulLeigh.

 

 

What have you been into this month?

Disclosure : Amazon Affiliate links included in this post.  If you click through to Amazon from HopefulLeigh, any purchase you make supports this site.

Take This and Eat { A Progressive Dinner Party and a Review of Bread & Wine}

Welcome to our virtually progressive dinner party! I'm so glad to have you here. I'm serving up bountiful slices of Sullivan Street Bread and you won't want to miss out on what my dear friends have to offer. Details at the end of the post.

***

"The most sacred moments, the ones in which I feel God's presence most profoundly, when I feel the goodness of the world most arrestingly, take place at the table." p. 13

About 5 months after I moved to Nashville, I read Shauna Niequist's Bittersweet. It met me exactly where I was at. A month later, Shauna spoke at Edgehill Cafe, one of my favorite coffeehouses.

After the reading, Shauna mentioned her next book would be about the intersection of food, hospitality, and faith. The topic immediately resonated with me. I'm at my best when I'm improvising at the stove and I have loved ones around my table. The table creates room for sustenance, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

I walked away feeling inspired and ready to welcome new friends to my home. When I started Dinner Club, I hoped my community was on the upswing.

More than two years have passed since then and my community has ebbed and flowed. I have hosted occasional small gatherings at my house, even a surprise party for a friend's birthday, but I'm not truly living out my calling. Not the way I used to in Illinois. I just haven't known what to do about it.

Bread & Wine: A Love Letter to Life Around the Table served as a wake up call.

"I'm talking about feeding someone with honesty and intimacy and love, about making your home a place where people are fiercely protected, even if just for a few hours, from the crush and cruelty of the day." p. 41

I read Shauna's essays and marked up recipes (spoiler alert: I want to try them all). I tried to get to the bottom of how Nashville has changed me. Why I of all people have become a reluctant entertainer. I'm not a perfectionist. Take me as I am, take my house as it is, but do come in and eat. That's my philosophy. I want my guests to enjoy their time in my home. I want us to all be fully present to one another.

The people who have passed through my door often comment on how it feels. "It's a sanctuary," they say. It is but it needs to be filled with more people. Not here and there. I want to throw the curtains open and fling the door open wide. It's time.

The last few months I've challenged myself to have someone over to dinner at least once a month. If not dinner, then a drink. And it's been good. I've shared the bounty of my homework from Preston Yancey's Sacramental Baking e-course with various friends. I've contributed to meals hosted by other people.

It's an exercise in vulnerability.

If I want to show love to the people in my life, I need to invite them in. It won't be perfect but I like the mess of the unexpected, the way an unexected seasoning adds flavor to the dish, the way personalities blend over conversation, the way God reminds us to do this in remembrance of him.

"The building blocks of the most common meal- the bread and the wine- are reminders to us: "He's here! God is here and he's good." Every time we eat, every time we gather, every time the table is filled: He's here. He's here, and he is good." p. 253

This review is more about my reaction to the book than the book itself but this is how I respond to Shauna's writing. As if I've jumped in to the middle of the conversation, as if we're debating what's the best Chicago pizza (Lou Malnati's) or discussing the hard things of life. Bread & Wine is Shauna's best work yet. I can offer no higher praise.

Read it. You won't be disappointed.

***

It was a thrill to be a recipe tester for Bread & Wine. You'll see my name listed in the acknowledgment section. I've made this bread quite a few times the last several months. Sometimes, I even share it.

Insider tip: I typically put the dough together the night before I want to eat it. It needs to rise for 12 hours. By the time I've slept and/or gone to work, it's ready for the second rise and to bake.

Sullivan Street Bread

Ingredients and instructions by Jim Lahey, owner of Sullivan Street Bakery

Ingredients:

3 cups all-purpose flour

1/4 teaspoon yeast

1 1/4 teaspoons salt

1 1/2 cups water

Olive oil (about 1 tablespoon, for coating)

Extra flour, wheat bran, or cornmeal (about 2 tablespoons, for dusting)

 

Equipment:

2 medium mixing bowls

6- to 8- quart pot with lid (Pyrex glass, Le Creuset cast iron, or ceramic)

Wooden spoon

Plastic wrap

2 or 3 cotton dish towels, not terry cloth

 

Instructions:

Mix all of the dry ingredients in a medium bowl. Add water and incorporate with a wodden spoon or spatula for 30 seconds to 1 minute.

Lightly coat the inside of a second medium bowl with olive oil and place the dough in the bowl. Cover the bowl with plastic wrap and let the dough rest 12 hours at room temperature (approximately 65 to 72 degrees).

After 12 (or more) hours, remove the dough from the bowl and fold once or twice. Let the dough rest 15 minutes in the bowl or on the work surface.

Next, shape the dough into a ball. Generously coat a cotton towel with flour, wheat bran, or cornmeal (I prefer cornmeal); place the dough seamside down on the towel and dust with flour. Cover the dough with a cotton towel and let rise 1 to 2 hours at room temperature until more than doubled in size. (It doesn't always double but that's OK.)

Preheat oven to 450 to 500 degrees. Place the pot in the oven 30 minutes prior to baking to preheat. Once the dough has more than doubled in volume, remove the put from the oven and place the dough in the pot seamside up. Cover with the lid and bake 30 minutes. Then remove the lid and bake 15 to 30 minutes uncovered, until the loaf is nicely browned.

Cool on a wire rack. (If you can stand to wait that long.)

***

Be sure to taste each course of our virtually progressive dinner party.

Blog-hop to a new table for every course, meet new friends and pick up a delicious recipe from Shauna Niequist's new book, Bread & Wine: A love letter to life around the table, at every stop. We'd like to send you home with the gift of Shauna's words, so be sure to enter the giveaway at the end of the party!

• Bacon-Wrapped Dates at DearAbbyLeigh.com
• Sullivan Street Bread at LeighKramer.com
• The Green Well's Michigan Harvest Salad at theBlahBlahBlahger.com
• Annette's Enchiladas at SarahBessey.com
• Simplest Dark Chocolate Mousse at LoveFeastTable.com
• A Bread & Wine Giveaway at HollywoodHousewife.com

 

Disclosure : I received a complimentary copy of Bread & Wine but it did not influence this review. Thoughts and opinions are my own. I truly, madly, deeply love this book. Amazon Affiliate links included in this post.  If you click through to Amazon from HopefulLeigh, any purchase you make supports this site.

What I'm Into (March 2013 Edition)

There's nothing better than when Erin and her family come for their yearly visit to Nashville. Erin, Tracy, and I have been friends for over 17 years now. This makes me feel old and yet incredibly lucky. Last weekend was a blur of laughter, tears, and activity. I love groaning at Mark and Joel's jokes and seeing my nieces-in-love play together. But most of all, I love when Erin, Tracy, and I steal away for a little bit. It's as if time never passed at all.

 

Read and Reading:

I finally read Kate Morton's newest work The Secret Keeperand it might edge out The Distant Hours as my favorite of hers. I didn't see the twist coming at all!

A friend gave me The House of Belonging for Christmas. Whyte's work is worth reading for the title poem and The Truelove alone.

Mudhouse Sabbath (Winner) is short but rich. Beautiful examination of how Jewish traditions can inform Christian spiritual disciplines.

My review of Shauna Niequist's Bread & Wine is coming soon. Spoiler alert: it's Shauna's best work yet.

I reviewed Tell Me A Story.

I'm trying to be better about listing all the books I read over at Goodreads. And for those of you looking for recommendations, I started pinboards for my fiction and nonfiction recommendations, comprised of books with 4 or 5 star ratings. You're welcome.

Currently reading: The Omnivore's Dilemma (Pollan), A Homemade Life (Wizenberg), Quiet (Cain), Walking on Water (L'Engle),  When Helping Hurts (Corbett and Fikkert).

(I read 10 books this month.)

 

TV:

Must-see TV: Once Upon a Time,  Psych, Rachel Zoe Project, Vampire Diaries, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

The Americans stresses me out every time I watch it. I'm never quite caught up but I still find it completely fascinating.

I'm so excited the second season of Call the Midwife starts Sunday!

 

Music:

New Discovery: Penny and Sparrow, Kris Orlowski, Anais Mitchell

Patty Griffin has a new album coming out May 7!!!!!

I saw The Mowgli's and Family of the Year at 3rd & Lindsley a few nights ago. I came across both bands earlier this year and couldn't pass up a $10 show. I love living in Nashville.

 

Best Videos:

From the guy who made the best proposal video, a video that made me ugly cry.

 

Now that you're drying your tears, here's a Disney princess spoof to make you laugh.

 

 

  Things I Love:

•  Buying season 2 of Felicity and the complete My So Called Life set from McKay's (the best used bookstore ever) last weekend. Hello memory lane.
• I've got this friend who is like my fairy godmother. After I posted a picture asking if a foundation sample could count as "own something Chanel" on my Life List, she sent me this and I promptly died:

• Preston's Sacramental Baking e-course is changing my life. After the first session, I got a glimpse of what God is going to do in me and it kind of blew me away. It's been a rough season but maybe there's fallow ground after all. If Preston offers this again, you need to sign up. No questions asked.
• Watching Pope Francis pray the Our Father and ask for prayer himself, seeing his spirit of peace and humility, was such an unexpectedly powerful moment. I have a complex relationship with Catholicism but so much about this Jesuit man gives me hope about where the Church can go. As an outsider, it's been healing.
• Brené Brown on Oprah. So many Aha! moments.
• Food memoirs. While I've read a couple every year for the last few years, I am on a legitimate food-related book craze lately. Can't get enough.
• Visiting my friend Lora Lynn! I haven't seen her since last fall and decided to go visit her and her family for a couple of days. Don't worry: she's promised to make sure I stay on task with writing.

 

In the Blogosphere:

Links for the month.

 

On The Blog:

Things have been quiet here thanks to my sabbatical. You'll be happy to know things are progressing on the book proposal front. A HUGE thank you to everyone who subscribed! You all are my heroes.

Tanya Marlow kindly included me in her list of top Christian blogs. So many of her favorites are my favorites, too!

We had a great discussion about the phrase "making the most of your singleness" on the HopefulLeigh FB page. I also encouraged everyone to add a Cadbury Creme Egg to their Mug Brownie and posted a picture of all the Books I Own But Have Yet To Read. I should be embarrassed by that picture but I'm strangely proud. Also? I bought 8 more books from the used bookstore last weekend. That pile is just going to keep on growing.

 

What I'm Into Link Up Guidelines:

1. Today’s link-up will stay up for one week. The next What I'm Into link up will be Tuesday April 30.

2. Link the unique URL of your post, not your blog's home page. Readers peruse link ups months after the fact and you want to make it easy for them to find your What I'm Into post.

3. Please include the What I'm Into button or mention you're linking up to What I'm Into at HopefulLeigh.

 

 

What have you been into this month?

Disclosure : Amazon Affiliate links included in this post.  If you click through to Amazon from HopefulLeigh, any purchase you make supports this site.