We're sitting down to lunch or maybe we're in a work meeting or possibly we met at a party.
"I know the greatest single guy," you say. "I should totally set you two up!"
(I change the subject if a stranger has proffered their services upon me upon learning my single state. Stranger, you may be lovely but I don't know you well enough to know if I even like you, much less some random single guy you know.)
Your mind is whirring with possibilities. This guy is single. I'm single. Clearly it's a match made in heaven.
You might be right. But let me tell you how this scenario usually goes.
"Great," I'll reply. "Is he looking for a relationship?"
"Oh, I don't know."
"That's fine. Is he dating anyone?"
"It's been a while since we talked so I don't know for sure..."
"Why do you think we'd be a good match?"
"Um, er, well, neither of you are married so it just makes sense!"
Bless you, dear wannabe matchmaker but this conversation doesn't inspire the greatest confidence.
Let's say you've done your homework. You know this guy isn't dating anyone and he's open to a relationship. You are even able to tell me a few reasons why he and I would be a good match. I start to get a little excited about the prospect.
Will you follow through?
I can't tell you how many times the "blind date carrot" has been dangled in front of my face and then. It. Just. Keeps. Dangling. Months pass. Maybe I ask you about it or maybe you bring it up again but nothing ever happens.
That is the WORST.
Listen. I know you mean well. I am flattered whenever a friend wants me to date one of their friends and blown away when they set me up with a family member. Such a vote of confidence. I've met some great guys through these set ups, even if it's never led to marriage.
However, 99% of the proposed set ups never happen. Maybe it's for the best. We'll never know.
I'm still open to the possibility of a good blind date so I've come up with this handy guide to make it easier on both of us. Please observe and carry out the following tips.
(Since I'm a lady seeking a fellow, these tips reflect accordingly but can be adjusted for other preferences. Because I am forthcoming with loved ones about being willing to be set up, it's important to mention not everyone wants to be set up! Nobody likes a meddler. Not that you, gentle reader, would ever force a blind date on anyone.)
1. Make sure he's open to being set up.
Because you're my friend, you already know I'm open to being set up on a blind date. Before you start talking up this promising young man to me, please check with him to see if he's open to a set up. If you haven't talked to him in a while, it's a good chance for you to catch up. You can also find out if he's currently in a relationship or recently out of one. If he's not dating, does he want to?
I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt: you are setting us up for reasons other than the fact that we're both single. Single + Single does not instantly equal match made in heaven.
If he's open to dating, by all means feel free to sing my praises.
If you follow this step, you can skip steps 2 and 3.
2. Make sure he's single.
"Not married" does not mean he's not in a relationship or ready for one.
3. Make sure he's straight.
If you don't know someone well enough to know if they are, in fact, single and what their sexual orientation is, you should not offer them up as blind date potential.
4. Make sure you'll follow through.
When dealing with matters of the heart, please take care. If you're not able to follow through, please don't bring up your plans to him or me. You may get a rush out of the possibilities but we singles are tired of set up plans that go nowhere. Honestly, if I had a dollar for every proposed blind date that didn't happen because of the matchmaker, I wouldn't complain.
If he's interested, then fill me in on your plans and make sure a) I'm open to it and b) I'm not currently dating anyone.
Never ever surprise someone with a blind date a la "LOOK WHO WE INVITED TO DINNER, SINGLE PERSON." We're all grown ups who are capable to making our own plans.
5. Make sure our relationship isn't affected by the outcome.
There's an inevitable risk with matchmaking: your plan might not work. What will you do if I don't fall in love with your Adonis of choice? This can be more complicated if I don't fall in love with your brother/cousin/grandson/nephew.
Several years ago a coworker set me up with her son. We had an amazing first date and the second date was fun but not spectacular. We were firmly set on the friendship train, though we didn't spell it out for one anotherMy coworker started acting funny around me. I could tell she felt awkward so I cleared the air, letting her know I was fine with the fact that J and I weren't a love match and I was still honored she'd thought to set us up in the first place. After that, we were back to normal.
If you don't think you could handle if if your matchmaking dreams went awry, don't follow any of these steps. Simply lay down your matchmaking crown and leave the set ups to everyone else. It's for the best.
What other tips would you add to this list?