When the call comes, the one you never want to recieve, you sense it.
Maybe the odd time of day, the crackling silence before they speak, or the name that infrequently pops up on your Caller ID.
You don't know what the caller will say but you know you don't want to hear it.
It's different each time.
Someone died. Another has cancer. A miscarriage. Laid off.
No matter the reason, our minds run down the rabbit trail of "what if" and "how could this happen" and "what are we going to do."
This time around I plunged into the murky depths of despair. I wished I hadn't answered the phone, that the words would be taken back.
I didn't know what to think or how to feel.
I hung up, unable to process the news because I was not home at the time. But I prayed and asked a few to pray as well. Then these past 24 hours, I did what I often do when I face the unwanted: I rage and rationalize internally, I put on a comfy sweater, I eat copious amounts of candy corn, I battle insomnia, I fight tears.
We wait and wait and wait. There is not any resolution, not even now.
And yet, it is not my story to tell. Should we receive the desired outcome, it will be an anecdote. That one time that we worried and prayed and waited.
I can't bring myself to think of the alternative.
The phone shouldn't ring with any updates the rest of the evening. I don't expect to hear anything until tomorrow.
Should the phone ring any sooner, I'll be transported to that moment Sunday night when the name flashed across and I knew no good would come from answering.
Sleep will be long in coming so I've fixed myself Rice Pudding for a late-night snack. I'm not sure I've eaten it before but it sounds comforting.
I'm in need of comfort tonight.
Linking up with Heather from The EO's Just Write as we free write our ordinary and extraordinary moments.
How do you deal with bad news?
