Leigh Kramer

What I'm Into (January Edition)

I must say January is shaping up to be my favorite month of 2012 so far. That it's the only month we've seen this year is a minor issue.

Read and Reading: 

I'm not sure I can properly convey how much I loved Nelson Mandela's autobiography Long Walk to Freedom. Everyone should read it for the history of South Africa, insight's into Mandela's life, and reflections on race relations and the injustices that occur around the world. It is surprisingly well written and even handed. He recognizes his missteps where appropriate and the gift of hindsight is readily apparent as he covers the years leading up to his inauguration as president of South Africa. It made me want to learn more about what happened after he became leader of the country he fought for- beyond what I learned from the movie Invictus. What struck me the most was how ordinary Mandela was but how the choices and decisions he made propelled him to become extraordinary. How inspiring is that?

Thomas Nelson sent me a complimentary copy of the young adult book First Date (McGee). It's kind of The Bachelor goes to high school mixed with Win a Date with Tad Hamilton. It's loosely based on Esther but it wasn't heavy handed with the parallels. Addy seems an introverted character, which we don't find too often. At times, the book went the predictable route but there were a few surprises I never saw coming. I don't want to give it away but I felt the ending could have been more satisfying. I could've done without the murdered missionary parents subplot and wish Addy's beliefs about dating had been more clear. Overall, I found this to be an enjoyable read.

I reviewed Raised Right: How I Untangled My Faith From Politics (Harris) here and Every Body Matters (Thomas) here.

Currently reading: The Language of Flowers (Diffenbaugh), Major Pettigrew's Last Stand (Simonson), When Helping Hurts (Corbett and Fikkert), and The War of Art (Pressfield).

Also reading Introverts in the Church (McHugh). I described it in this post as "mind-blowing." I'm going to have much to say once I'm finished. Because you guys? Myers-Briggs has told me I'm an extrovert instead of acknowledging my many, many introvert tendencies. Have I been masking myself as an extrovert all these years?

On deck: The Resignation of Eve: What If Adam's Rib is No Longer Willing to be the Church's Backbone? (Henderson).

(I read 5 books this month. Still low but Mandela's book was 625 pages. That's got to count for something.)

TV: My must-see TV: Once Upon a Time, Downton Abbey, Revenge, Parenthood, Parks & Rec, The New Girl, The Vampire Diaries

People have all sorts of opinions on the start of Downton Abbey's second season. But personally? I love it. I love the characters, the plot development, and especially the witty dialogue. I can only imagine how I'm going to feel by the end of the season, where I've been assured all manner of good stuff occurs.

If you love Once Upon a Time, definitely weigh in at SortaCrunchy's weekly OUAT Tuesday posts. Great discussion about themes, who characters could be, and filtering through the prevalent theories.

Movies: The Swell Season documentary, a must-see for any fans of the movie Once 

Moneyball, which made me so excited for Spring Training to begin. I know it wasn't a competely accurate reflection of the A's season that year. It neglects to mention the team's star players, including my favorite White Sox Jermaine Dye (though I did hear his name on some game footage!) But as far as going into the psyche and persona of Billy Beane, the film more than delivers. Brad Pitt and Jonah Hill especially brought their characters to life in their scenes together. The behind-the-scenes action of trading players and the like was fascinating to this baseball fan.

Music: I saw The Civil Wars play their first show at the Ryman. Hallelujah and glory be (a few reflections here, mixed in with thoughts about The Swell Season doc)

New discoveries: The Head and the Heart (via Natalie Lloyd), Seryn (via Jess Bertram), Sarah Hart, Among Savages, Wye Oak (via @ineffablegod), David Robbins (via Knox McCoy), Walk Off the Earth (via Shawn Smucker)

I am obsessed with Gotye's Somebody That I Used to Know. Obsessed. I heard it a couple of months ago but didn't pursue it any further until the local radio station played it again last month. Now I can't get enough. I've listened to some of his other stuff- and it's great- but really I just want to listen to this song on repeat.

In the Blogosphere:

So I had a birthday and then my dear bloggy BFF-turned real life bestie Mary Kathryn surprised me with this post all about our friendship and what she appreciates about me. I was stunned by her generosity.

Preston Yancey had the idea to celebrate the Church by hosting a huge guest post series: At The Lord's Table. More than 50 people are taking over Preston's blog to reflect on the "the beauty of the Church, warts and all." Look for my contribution there tomorrow afternoon!

This Deeper Story post about the Church by Sara Sophia gave me absolute goosebumps. Absolutely beautiful.

During this in between season of my life, I didn't realize how much I needed this reminder from Emily Freeman over at (in)courage: For When Your Future Keeps Changing.

Surely you've already read this fantastic piece by Momastery blogger Glennon Melton over at Huffington Post: Don't Carpe Diem. Great perspective, even for those of us who aren't parents yet.

Every single piece written this past month at My Tropic of Cancer. Her beautiful writing blows me away each and every time. I find myself wanting to copy and post the same comment: beautiful, lovely, goosebumps, thank you.

I was fascinated by How Doctors Die. For those of us who have worked in end of life care, the sentiments will not be surprising. I can only hope that it will move the conversation forward on a national level. Consider what certain treatments entail and what will give you the best quality of life.

Excellent, inspiring piece illustrating grace. Oh, that I could be this kind of person!

What Single People Wish Married People Knew. "We already struggle with feeling like we lack when we wonder why we haven’t been chosen. Please don’t cut that wound deeper." The Sexy Celebate is spot on.

What have you been into this month?

Disclosure : Amazon Affiliate links included in this post.  If you click through to Amazon from HopefulLeigh, any purchase you make supports this site.

This Is How We Met: a new series

Every love story starts out the same: two people meet. There's a dizzying array of possibilities after that.

Sometimes the connection is instant; other times the pair loathe each other. Sometimes one person doesn't know the other exists. Sometimes it takes a few false starts before the romance becomes apparent. Or maybe they're friends for years before they start seeing each other in a new light.

"Tell me how you met." That was my favorite part of meeting new patients while I was a hospice social worker. Because no two stories were the same, even if they both started out at the same dance hall in Chicago.

I often marvel at how marriages come to be. If he had not stood in that particular corner, if she hadn't been running late for a meeting. Or she was dating someone else but he patiently waited just the same. Or, and this may be my favorite, if she hadn't asked him to dance.

At times, it seems a miracle that people fall in love and walk down the aisle.

On the days that I seem particularly bewildered by the notion of true love, I repeat to myself: it only has to happen once.

I've hated Valentine's Day for a long time. It's a cliche, I know. The single girl hating the Hallmark holiday. This past year I've intentionally appreciated the love already in my life, as inspired by this moving post from Tea. I know that I am very loved, even if my great romance hasn't yet occurred. I am amazed by the wonderful people in my life. Love really is all around us (bonus points if you name the movie).

Something about Valentine's Day makes me feel like friends and family aren't enough compared to Mr. Right. It makes me angry that my mind and heart so easily forget. I don't want to go down that tired road again this year.

In November 2011, I was struck by an idea. My own way of redeeming Valentine's Day. Starting February 1, 2012, I'm kicking off a new series called This Is How We Met.

(The Twitter hashtag will be #TIHWM, since it's apparently not a blog series until you have a hashtag. Or something like that.)

I've asked real life friends and blog friends to share their stories of how they met their spouse. After all, every marriage began with a first date. Something singles can relate to all too well.

I want this series to encourage those of us still looking.There's an intangible quality to why some relationships work out and others don't. Dating can be awkward, complicated, and exciting all in one. I hope that by hearing these stories, you will walk the path before you openly and adventurously. Because, seriously, we don't know how or if it will happen so you might as well enjoy the ride in the meantime.

I also want it to encourage those of you who are married- to look back and reflect on how your relationship has changed and grown since those initial days. Selfishly, I hope that by remembering those days before you knew your spouse was the one, you will better understand the single people in your life.

When I asked my friends to share their TIHWM story, I was blown away by the response. What was to initially be a February feature will now be an on-going series. I am so beyond words excited to share these stories with you.

If you've been married at least one year and you'd like to have your TIHWM story featured here, please read the guest post guidelines. The piece should be between 400-800 words and should include a short bio.  If you're really awesome, include a picture of you and your spouse from that time. You can decide which aspect of your dating life to focus on- whether the first time you met was inconsequential, the stuff of fairy tales, or no one believed the relationship would work. Don't give us the overview though- tell us about the beginning of your relationship, before you knew how it would all work out. You don't need to have a blog to contribute.

Submissions for TIHWM are currently closed.

Maybe one day I'll write my own TIHWM post. Until then, I'll enjoy and learn from yours.

TIHWM stories

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Raised Right: reflections and a review

"Bush rules, Dukakis drools!"

I'm not sure why my classmates and I felt that was an important playground rallying cry. After all, I attended a Christian grammar school during the 1988 election. Though my parents never told me this, I knew somehow that Christians didn't vote for Democrats. Plus, we were kids. We couldn't vote in the first place.

There was a mock election, however. I can still visualize the cardboard "booth" set up in the back of my 3rd grade classroom. We cast our votes one by one. There was no doubt that Bush would win. He did. But we also learned that 3 students had voted for Dukakis.

This stunned me. A vote for Dukakis meant only bad things and I worried over these three souls that attended my school but didn't properly believe.

I never could have guessed that a little over a decade later, I'd change my political ideologies from right to left. And I definitely wouldn't have guessed that faith would be the reason why.

***

"If Christians disagreed, they viewed the whole world in a different way, and then what could we possibly have in common?" - Raised Right, p. 133

"We think we must suppress dissension to present the unified front we need to gain power over our enemies. But there are pro-life Democrats, pro-choice Christians, feminists who love their families, and conservatives who care about poor people. Not all of them are right, but neither are they heretics." -Raised Right, p. 146

I opened the pages of Raised Right: How I Untangled My Faith From Politics, wondering whether I'd find author and journalist Alisa Harris to be a kindred spirit.

Harris's childhood years were exactly what you'd envision for a girl raised by conservative parents. She was homeschooled, attended a very traditional church, and spent many days picketing abortion clinics. Her parents' cause became hers. She was firmly entrenched with Republican beliefs and passionate about them. She became an activist in her own right and an idealist as well. If Republicans took control, she believed, our country would be saved.

College forced her to interact with people who believed differently than she did, while also opening her eyes to the state of politics.

Would anything ever get better? Were these the right issues to be fighting for? Was there any common ground?

Asking these questions led to disillusionment and exploration. Suddenly, the issues were not as black and white as they seemed. Now there were topics left unspoken with her family. Harris respectfully shows her parents' strengths while revealing their differences of opinion today. It is because of the way that her parents raised her that she is able to approach the subject matter so well.

How do we respect the values we were raised with, while forging our own paths and beliefs?

Harris uses stories from her childhood to illustrate the contrasting beliefs and, in this, attempts to move the discussion forward. It's possible to go beyond Roe vs. Wade and talk about a pro-life ethic across the spectrum. It's possible to vote for a candidate that may differ on some issues but agree on larger ones. Harris shows that it's not business as usual when it comes to Christians and politics anymore.

She asks the same questions I asked back in college. But the point is not whether we came to the same conclusions but how to move the current conversation deeper. It's not us vs. them. That may be what I've learned most the past several years. When we keep politics partisan, nothing gets accomplished.

I've realized, as did Harris, that neither side is right, nor have they gotten it "right." We all have reasons for believing the way we do. And most of us can point to the way our faith informs our voting- as well it should. That we come down on opposite sides at times should not divide us completely. It's possible to have civil conversations that explore these issues.  If we're all seeking after Christ, can't we maintain Christlike character while discussing politics? I may be an idealist in this matter but I choose to believe we're capable.

It's an uneasy tension sorting out faith from politics but it's important that we try. I echo Harris's words to that end: "Instead of claiming ground and seeking power to dominate and exert my will, I want to live with the kind of love and optimism that is only possible when I hold a vision of the world's ultimate redemption from injustice and suffering."

Jesus redeemed the world by grace. May we all carry that model forward.

What do you think about the relationship between faith and politics?

Disclosure: Amazon Affiliate links included in this post. 

Disclosure: I received this book free fromWaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group as part of their Blogging for Books program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255.

Why the Grass Can Be Greener for Singles

It's easy to talk about bad dates and the frustrations of singleness. But when I write about those things, it's not the whole story.

I don't hide the fact that I'd like to be married. In high school, back when I thought I could plan out my life, I was certain I'd meet the man of my dreams in college, we'd get married after graduation, and start our family a couple of years after that. 

Would you like to know the truth? I'm glad, maybe even relieved, it didn't happen that way.

Singleness is not a curse. Marriage is not blissful nirvana 100% of the time. The grass is not always greener. 

I like my life. Most days I'm content.  I'm trying to make the most of this time in my life, no matter how long or short it is. I only wish I'd recognized this sooner! I've taken seriously the call to care for my own green grass. So today, I'd like to champion a few of the privileges of singleness. (Even though I like my life, I do hope that singleness is temporary. Ahem. Just needed to get that out of the way in case Mr. Right stumbles upon this post.)

If and when we do get married, we could be better people because of these things. Here are the top 5 privileges in being single:

1. Knowing Thyself

I'm a different person than I was in my early 20s. A more-evolved person. I know who I am and I like who I am. I also know what I need in a relationship. I am selective. It all comes down to knowing myself and recognizing my awesomeness.

"Prolonged" singleness is an opportunity in the making. Have deep discussions with friends until 2 in the morning over Papa John's breadsticks and whatever drinks are handy. Get therapy. Read. Dream. Analyze your friends' relationships. Pray.

What do YOU want out of life? Move toward it. What do you want in a romantic relationship? Don't settle for anything less.

2. Finding Worth in God Instead of a Spouse/Significant Other

Once upon a time, I had really poor taste in guys. So poor that I've thanked God for preventing me from dating a few of them, which in turn kept a certain moral intact. But even when I liked good guys, I would approach it all wrong. I wanted to get married so that I would feel worthy and affirmed. What a burden for any man to carry!

God made us exactly as we are.  He does not make any mistakes.

I'm so, so, so thankful I've learned this lesson. I don't take it as personally if the guy I like doesn't call. Their (in)actions are not a reflection of me. Finding my worth in God means I also have higher standards for what I want in a spouse. While I understand the allure of bad boys, now I want a good guy with a bit of an edge. Surely such diamonds in the rough exist.

3. Our Time is Ours

When I get home from work, there are no demands for my attention. I can read the newspaper or start cooking dinner. It's all up to me. I don't have to run plans past anyone. If I want to go to The Listening Room, I can.  If I want to watch a Gilmore Girls marathon, I most certainly can.

This is not to say that all we have is free time. On the contrary, we're often busy with a plethora of activities, on top of our full-time jobs and in addition to being sole caretaker of our homes (unless you have a roommate). The challenge for singles is to spend our time wisely.

Do you realize that married and parenting friends might be jealous of your free time? Sure, singles have plenty of moments that they wish they had a spouse or family with whom to share the joy or the burden. There are lonely moments. But having control over our time is not a bad deal.

4. Financial Independence

When I worked for hospice, I was shocked by the number of people completely unprepared financially when their spouse died. Some didn't know how to write a check or have the slightest clue about their financial status.

It would be nice to have another income in the mix but I'm proud of my financial accomplishments. I paid for half of college and all of grad school. That said, I'm still paying off my student loans. I've never had credit card debt. I have some savings. I tithe and give regularly. I've also taken some amazing vacations and enjoyed spending my money on White Sox games, concerts, and more.

This is the time to set financial goals. Decide on a lifestyle cap. Figure out which organizations you'd like to support. Get out of debt. Save for a house. You only have to answer to yourself and God about the way your income is spent. Throw a spouse in the mix and things can get a little complicated at times. You might as well figure things out now.

5. Adventures Galore!

I could list off so many experiences that probably wouldn't have happened if I'd married young. When you have to take another person's interests in to account, your goals and freedom naturally change. That's part of marriage- and that's a good thing. But since we're not yet married, we might as well take advantage of the opportunities before us.

So I say: dream. Write up a Life List and check things off. Live without regrets. Don't hold off on anything "until" you get married.  If God has purposed us to be single for this season, then let's do all that we can so that our lives glorify Him. And that means living passionately, openly, and adventurously. We will learn and grow in the process, which incidentally will only make us more attractive and interesting. That's not the point but it sure is a nice byproduct.

If you're single, how are you taking advantage of this season in your life? If you're married, have you ever felt like the grass was greener for your single friends?

The Next Level of Book-Nerdery

I could talk about books for days. Books I've read, books I want to read, what I'm reading right now, what you're reading right now, what your favorite book is, and so on.

Growing up, I liked running around outside with the other kids in the neighborhood but I was equally content to set up camp in the living room with my latest library book. I could read for hours at a time, unaware of anything other than the story before me. I recall my parents telling me to at least take my book outside so I could get a little fresh air. What can I say?

I am a certified book nerd. I've never tried to hide that fact and I relish knowing I'm not the only one. There are so many other book lovers out there!

And when I say book lover, I mean a lover of actual, physical books. I've been rather reticent about the e-Reader phenomenon. (More about that later.)

The last year or two people have asked if I'm on Goodreads. No, I'd answer, completely puzzled as to why I needed one more place to post things. After all, I mention the books I enjoy most here, along with thorough reviews of books sent from publishers.  However, my friends didn't think this was enough. "Anyone that reads as much as you do should be on there," they'd tell me.

Here's the thing. I like new technology but I'm pretty slow in adopting it, unless I see the direct benefit right away. An exception that comes to mind is Pinterest. I didn't need any convincing about that one. But Google +? I don't see the point.

So yeah, in my mind, Goodreads was just another time suck. I really didn't need another way to waste time on the internets.

But like every good thing, I kept hearing about it. And hearing about it. And hearing about it. Basically, they wore me down and I signed up for an account last week.

And now I feel like I've seen the light.

Goodreads is filled with book nerds just like me. Some of whom might be even nerdier than me. Crazy, right? Reviews galore and a nice place to contain all of your own hits and misses.  Plus, you can enter to win advance copies of books. You'd best believe that I entered to win quite a few.

Goodreads is a nice blend of social media. You can easily link your latest reviews to Twitter and Facebook, if you want. You can also get your friends' reviews emailed to you or be notified when a new review is up. Like Pinterest, I can spend as much or as little time there as I want. It's about making it work for me.

It won't hurt me to copy and paste the reviews I write here over there. Instead of scrolling through reviews on Amazon, I can scroll through the reviews on Goodreads to determine whether I'd like to read a book or not. Since the library supplies my reading habit, Goodreads will help me no longer be tempted by Amazon's evil one-click button.

All this to say, come find me on Goodreads if you'd like.

Oh, and about e-Readers? I pooled my Christmas and birthday money and bought a Nook Tablet. There are reasons, mostly to do with publishers sending more review copies via e-book these days. But still. I don't even know myself anymore.

What have you been reading lately?

Disclosure: Goodreads hasn't heard of me and I'm not getting any kickback for this post. I've simply been impressed by the site and wanted to spread the joy, in case you're a social media procrastinator like me.