I looked the part that day. A bridesmaid serves to point toward the bride and the significance of why we gather. However good I looked (and believe me, I looked good), there was no comparison when it came to our bride.
Standing at the front of the church, my dress swished as I tapped my foot along to the orchestral arrangement. I surveyed the crowd and made sense of who knew who. A few friends caught my eye and I winked, a covert wave impossible courtesy of the bouquet in my hands.
Our focus craned toward the next person walking through the door. Nine bridesmaids, nine groomsmen, and one man and their preacher waited. The cold Illinois weather no longer mattered. This was our reason for gathering.
The congregation stood and I couldn't see Laura make her way to the front of the tiny church from my vantage point. When she came into view on her father's arm, she took my breath away all over again. Gorgeous, inside and out.
Photo via Steve Chellappa
Even though I knew what the bride looked like, seeing her inside the church was an altogether different experience. I didn't know she could look more lovely in the presence of these witnesses and the man she loves.
Maybe it was the combination, all our love for this uniting couple mingles with their love for each other and the magic of this day. I could swear the church had a new glow to it once Laura walked down the aisle.
A beautiful wedding from start to finish, we blinked and then it was over. I took the arm of my assigned groomsman and cascaded out the church into the wind. The guests filed out, holding ribbon sticks and we waited for Mike and Laura.
Photo via Bob Ewoldt
The tricky month of April kept the bridesmaids shivering. While initially I demurred the offering of a groomsman's tux jacket, I stopped protesting and let the warmth settle on my shoulders. Such gentlemen they were, each bridesmaid wrapped in their jackets until we could return to the church for pictures. That is, until pictures required we be outside, and then we wrapped ourselves in sweaters, scarves, and coats in between takes.
Huddling is the best (Photo via Steve Chellappa)
Coming soon to The CW (Photo via Steve Chellappa)
We laughed because there's no alternative. The pictures will turn out lovely and no one will realize it never touched 50 degrees that day. I could be cliche and say the couple's love warmed us all but emotional warmth for others rarely broaches our physical needs. And yet, a happiness carried me through the wind and my cold-crying eyes.
My friends and I talked about the way we approach weddings these days, compared to post-college innocence. We've seen (and a few have experienced) the work of marriage. We have friends that have since divorced. For those who marry "later," we've watched their journey up to this point and their weddings mean more somehow. When we go to weddings now, we view marriage in a fuller light and our joy is made complete.
Marriage is a leap of faith, I opined. No matter how well you know the person, there are so many unknowns. And yet, they love each other enough to commit. My friends agreed, each reflecting on Mike and Laura's vows. This is an amazing couple and we could not be happier for them. The future seems wide open.
And it is.
This wedding brought out the best in all of us. Guests in their finery. Hot bridesmaids and handsome groomsmen. The celebratory air of the reception, even before the dance floor took over. And especially the bride and groom, enjoying the day they'd planned.
I caught up with old friends and new. I danced my heart out. (Yes, I am proud my friends expect me to get the dance party started.) I rocked my top knot. I thanked Laura for the honor of standing by her side.
{May Laura be forever thanked and praised for not including the bouquet toss in the festivities.}
This is how things usually go: Once my bridesmaid duties end, my thoughts turn toward when or if it will ever be my turn. The wedding glow fades and I'm left with plain me, not hot bridesmaid me. It didn't matter how happy I was for my friends, sadness set in after the other weddings I've bridesmaided in.
But not this time.
In fact, the disparity struck me as I drove toward Nashville last Monday morning. The same happiness pervaded everything, even my sleep deprivation.
I don't know. Maybe it was Laura and Mike's wedding. Or maybe I've simply evolved. I'm finally learning the lesson that someone else's Have is not my Have Not. Just because I have not received one particular gift does not mean I never will. My loved ones' happiness does not come at my expense.
I may be a slow learner but I think we can all agree: I look good doing it.
Note: for those who care, the dress is from Nordstrom, it has pockets, and I will definitely be wearing it again.
