Laura's wedding, 2012. Fellow hot bridesmaids Junice and Rachel.
Hot Bridesmaid. Hot Yet Appropriate Dresses. Looking good.
Sounding...rather full of myself. I fought my tendency to caveat Monday's post. To remind old readers and inform new readers: I don't normally say these things! Do you know how many years I believed I was ugly? Remember how calling myself beautiful was a long time coming? Do you remember how bridesmaiding brings out my absolute best feelings about myself?
Remember? Remember?
Those reminders would have defeated the purpose. I kept the tongue-in-cheek title as well as my Hot Bridesmaid language in there.
Erin's wedding, 2006. You'd never guess I only got 3 hours of sleep.
I've wondered why I view myself as a Hot Bridesmaid. Most days I do not think I'm Hot. I'm cute, some days pretty. I'm just me.
Ah, but when bridesmaid duties come calling, I am at my best. It's possible I claim Hot Bridesmaid to invite compliments or to fight any fear of not measuring up. But I suspect there's more at work here than leftover insecurities. When I am a bridesmaid, I believe in my beauty and worth down to the tips of my toes. It's worth exploring why.
There's a change in routine, for one. My usual daily routine, shower included, takes 35 minutes or less. This skill harkens back to my preference to get as much sleep as possible. On my friends' wedding days, I don't even keep track of how much time and effort is involved. I did my own hair for Laura's wedding but usually someone else has been in charge of my coif. Then there's carefully shaving, putting on make-up that will last the day, and making sure the dress is perfectly in place.
Tracy's wedding, 2004. I mean, honestly. Let's take a moment to appreciate this.
The morning of Tracy's wedding is still so clear. After my hair and make-up was done, I walked into the bathroom at her parents' house. The same one friends and I had crammed into on occasions big and small. I looked at myself in the mirror and it took my breath away. Hot! It was the first word that popped into mind and it's stuck all these years later.
I've put this same time and effort into preparing for school dances and even a few dates and it did not have the same effect. So what then about bridesmaiding is different?
Dani's wedding, 2006. I'm not sure if my cleavage was church-appropriate. The 4 inch heels either. I definitely got asked to dance a lot at the reception!
Is there something about a bridesmaid dress that lends itself to hotness? Of course, there are horrible bridesmaid dresses out there but I've liked the ones I've worn. The dresses are "fancier" than what I normally wear so, yes, this ups the ante. And yet, this doesn't explain everything.
Because it's not so much how I looked but how I felt.
What I keep coming back to is my happiness for my friends. Pictures from those days show an extra sparkle in my eyes, an even wider smile than usual. The next day I might have been sad for myself but the day of was all about my friends and celebrating their marriages.
Donna's wedding, 2008, I caught the bouquet. It hasn't worked. But I loved our swishy dresses!
Happiness makes people more attractive.
It seems so simple. Self-perception can impact how others view us. Way back in the day when I was sunk in the pit of despair, it must have negatively impacted how people saw me. And yet, I still had friends who pointed me back to the person I really was, not this distortion I believed.
Maybe that's at play here, too. These are the friends that love unconditionally, believe in my best qualities, challenge me on my worst, and walk together through the ups and downs. I've done the same for them. That's why I've been so honored to stand up at their weddings. It's a token of our friendship up to that point and it speaks to where our friendship will go after their marriage.
Aunt Laurie's wedding, 1994, junior bridesmaid, yes, I caught the bouquet. I was just starting to heal from my depression and this day did a world of good for my faltering self-esteem. Folks, always take the opportunity to tell a young girl she looks pretty.
My role as a bridesmaid is to point to the bride and celebrate all that she is and will be. I commit to supporting their marriage and loving them no matter what.
On my friends' wedding days, I glow. I overflow with love for them and happiness over the love they've found. It must be a small measure of what they, as the bride, feel.
Jill's wedding, 2010, the famous convertible dress
There's just something different about a day in the life of a bridesmaid. I don't know how or if to replicate that in my daily life. Maybe it's best to truly shine only a few moments so what is special about these days remains special.
{And yes, always proclaiming my hotness would be annoying and arrogant. But I could feel that way inside and not say a word about it.}
But this happiness. Well, I'm carrying it forward. Surely every day I can find some moment of happiness and let it radiate. It may not be a dear friend's wedding but each day contains its own glory.
This post is a part of The Insecurity Project.
When do you feel most attractive?
