One step closer to being a cat lady. I'm so impressed with my pumpkin carving skills.

I swear October just started. Has this month been in warp speed mode?

Read and Reading:

I can't get enough of the Thursday Next series. I'm waiting for books 4 and 5 to come in at the library. There will be a post soon because THIS SERIES. Jasper Fforde is a genius.

I started reading Walking on Water (L'Engle) last year. It's been a backburner book, one I wanted to savor and so savor I did. Well worth the read for any creative person.

It's always an honor to read a book written by a friend and Sarah Bessey's Jesus Feminist (available November 5) is no exception. Regular readers of her blog may be surprised the initial chapters have less of her lyrical prose but rest assured her prophetic voice grows stronger with each page. I wanted to clap and cheer after reading the last chapter- after wiping away tears, that is. Jesus Feminist bridges the gap between all of us, men and women, married and single, young and old, conservative and liberal, and so on. No matter what you believe about feminism, Bessey offers a fresh look at the Bible's view of women and invites us to have a better discussion. Jesus Feminist is a game-changer in ways big and small. I'm so proud of my friend and the ways God is using her voice. (Disclosure: I received an ARC from NetGalley but thoughts and opinions are my own. Other disclosure: I adore Sarah but her friendship did not sway my thoughts and opinions either.)

I'm just going to say it: I loved Allegiant. I can't say the same about any other final installment of a trilogy. Roth definitely took risks with the direction of her plot and beloved characters but I was impressed by the twists and turns, especially at the end. She did not take the safe route and I believe that makes Allegiant that much stronger of a book. Emotional, yes. But also layered with hope and redemption in the midst of tragedy and disappointment. Not easy to do with dystopian literature.

You can see all the books I've read at Goodreads. 

Currently reading: Silver Linings Playbook (Quick), Little Black Sheep (Cleveland), Becoming Myself (Eldredge), Coming to my Senses (Harrad), Thirst (Oliver), Eat With Joy (Stone), Feast (Lawson), A Million Little Ways (Freeman)

(I read 12 books this month.)

TV:

Must-see TV: The Vampire Diaries, The Originals, Once Upon A Time 

The CW has a show about Mary Queen of Scots called Reign. Of course I'm watching it.


Let the people rejoice: Sherlock Season 3 is coming. (I watched season 1 and 2 this month for the first time. LOVE. Be still my heart, Benedict Cumberbatch.)

Speaking of binge-watching shows, I also started watching Friday Night Lights. Although, I'm not good at binge-watching shows. More like a couple episodes here, a couple there, a couple of paused screens so I can bask in the glory known as Riggins...

Music:

New discoveries: Aloe Blacc (I am madly in love with his song Wake Me Up)

Only listened to the new Avett Brothers album once or twice but I liked what I heard. Jury's still out on The Head and the Heart's sophomore effort.

Listen to the What I'm Into 2013 Spotify playlist.

Movie:

The documentary Pink Ribbons, Inc. wasn't new information to me- it's hard to work in healthcare and not be aware of the shenanigans that can occur with charities. It's still chilling to see it all laid out, especially corporations peddling food and wares with cancer-linked agents. Best to donate directly to research, instead of buying pink things. And if buying pink is a comfort to you or a way of honoring yourself or a loved one, then be aware of who's selling and how much will be donated and where.

Video Worth Watching

I do love a good poetry slam and I was especially impressed by this entry from student Ethan Metzger. Are we brainwashed or are we taught?

Whole 30 Update

This summer, I reached the end of the rope when it came to my lifelong eczema. I decided to figure out whether my skin trouble was related to my diet. The Whole 30 is a nutritional reset/elimination diet: no sugar, dairy, gluten, grains, legumes, or alcohol. (So what do I eat? The Well Fed cookbook is great and I started a Pinterest board with other ideas.) I wouldn't do this if I wasn't desperate- it is prime candy corn season, after all. I'm now halfway through and cautiously optimistic. I'm creating new, healthier habits, like actually eating breakfast. In two weeks, I'll start reintroducing food groups, one at a time, and my fingers are crossed some answers will be revealed. (Special thanks to my friend Jen for answering all my questions!)

Things I Love:

• The cowl Ashleigh Baker made (I'm wearing it in my pumpkin picture above)

• Hanging out with blog friends who come to town: Robin Dance, Jamie Golden, Jess Buttram, Bethany Suckrow

• The last handful of candy corn before I started Whole 30

• Enneagram class = AMAZING (Love the group I'm in and the teacher. Only 2 more weeks to go. Sadness.)

• My new Frye boots, bought off of a friend. They are gorgeous.

• My new cardigan from The List, as well as their beautifully packaged October Surprise box. (When I shared pictures on Instagram, quite a few people asked about what The List was. It's a monthly styling subscription service. I've been very impressed.)

• Since my haircut, I've been playing with makeup much more but it's hard to invest in products you're not sure will work or that you'll actually use. So I finally signed up for Birchbox and understand why everyone loves it so much.

• Friday Night Lights- it's worth mentioning again because I'm beginning to believe if everyone watched it, the world would be a better place.

• Scheming about joining the next session of the new Story Sessions ecourse Finding Your Arc.

• Homemade mayonnaise is the best thing on earth. I don't like store-bought mayo but I can't get enough of this stuff!

• I got a free KitchenAid Food Processor thanks to credit card points. I don't know how I survived this long without it.

• My years working at a Christian bookstore groomed me for #AddaWordRuinaChristianBook. I could barely quit coming up with options and my effort was rewarded when Religion News Services and Christianity Today included one of my tweets in their recaps.

• Going to Carvenival at the Williams house. So fun meeting their friends and catching up with a couple I hadn't seen in awhile. Plus, my cat pumpkin turned out to be a contender. Proud moment.

• Drinking tea on rainy days

On The Blog:

You all loved my Enneagram post, which made me feel special, which made me burst with glee because I'm a 4. Special thanks to Shauna Niequist and Simple Mom for linking to the post. If, Not When was a tender one to write and I'm thankful for the solidarity and understanding response.

 ***

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What I'm Into Link Up Guidelines:

1. Today’s link-up will stay up for one week. The next What I'm Into link up will be Monday December 2. (Starting a couple of days later due to Thanksgiving.)

2. Link the unique URL of your post, not your blog's home page. Readers peruse link ups months after the fact and you want to make it easy for them to find your What I'm Into post.

3. Please include the What I'm Into button or mention you're linking up with What I'm Into at Leigh Kramer.

4. Visit at least 2 other posts in the linkup!

What have you been into this month?

Disclosure : Amazon Affiliate links included in this post.  If you click through to Amazon, any purchase you make supports this site.

The sun warmed us as we sat on the dock and chatted, covering all manner of topics but eventually circling back to singleness. We were the only two there who had never been married.

She straightened in her deck chair and turned to look at me.

"You just said 'if' you get married. Do you not think you will?"

I looked out at the lake, the water gently lapping, and sighed. I don't know how long ago I swapped the when out. I've never been good at actively hoping for long unanswered dreams.

"I don't know," I told her. "Some days I feel like it will happen. Other days it seems impossible. We're not guaranteed a happy ending. There's a lot to like about being single and I think I should just resign myself. Stop getting my hopes up."

I swiped at the tear sliding down my cheek. We talked awhile and then headed inside to rejoin the group.

Friends ask about my dating life, assuming I meet eligible men left and right, and I love them for it. The truth is it's been almost two years since my last real date. I'd rather forget about the pseudo-dates sprinkled in between.

I'd like to go on a date by next fall. I don't know how this will happen. I've given online dating enough tries. None of my friends seem to know any worthy single guys and I've never had a knack for picking up a man in a grocery store, even when I've forgotten to take my name tag off. (True story. That happened last week.)

I was part of a tight group of friends throughout high school. While everyone dated each other, none of the guys wanted to date me. Or if they did, they never actually asked me out. My first date was a set up with the friend of a friend when I was 17. We went to see the Nutcracker ballet and it was fine and awkward, the way first dates can be. We never went out again.

Before I started college, people said I'd be batting interested guys away with a stick. Well, that line of interested guys never materialized. I certainly didn't need to bat anyone away. Maybe the occasional drunk guy at a frat party but a firm and gentle "no" usually did the trick.

The rest of my dating history has been filled with false starts and missed chances.

No matter how badly I wanted to be in a relationship, I've always had just enough discernment to say no to the guys who would be bad for me, to rebound relationships, to settling. But it doesn't take the sting away.

Look, I know I'm young. It could happen at any moment. I hope it does. But I also know marriage was never promised to me- to any of us.

When I was young, marriage was a given. People grew up and they got married. Sure, I knew a few people who married "older" but they were the exception to the rule. I never expected to be an exception. I know plenty of people my age and older who are still single, still waiting.

That's a lot of exceptions.

People tell me to be glad I don't have the baggage that comes with break ups and broken hearts but we all have baggage. We've all made mistakes.

There's real pain in the baggage of never being picked.

From not being pursued. From not being asked on a second or third date. From never hearing, "I love you" from the one you love.

It's a painful reality. Some days I'd give anything for there to be a reason because then I could fix it. But there isn't a reason. No matter what I've tried, the right man simply hasn't come along.

I say "if" to make peace with an unclear future and try to accept whatever my lot may be.

While I wait, sit with me and listen. Let me wrestle it out. Let me have hope one day and resignation the next. Remind me of who I am. May that be enough.

I've long thought of myself as more of a cook than a baker. I like the freedom of cooking. Adding this and that. Substituting here and there. Eyeballing quantities. Maybe I have a knack for it but my meals always turn out well.

Baking requires more precision and maybe a dash of perfectionism. I really like when other people bake so I can enjoy their efforts.

But when I think back, I realize baking has been there all along. Helping Grandma make coffee cake. Decorating Christmas cookies with Mom. Making my first loaf of bread when I was in 3rd grade- my right arm in a hot pink cast, no less. Perfecting a Whiskey Cake recipe for friends. Trying my hand at biscuits this past year.

Husk opened its Nashville location earlier this year to much aplomb. (I haven't eaten there yet. For shame.) The pastry chef Lisa Donovan decided to offer a Southern Basics Baking class.

First, I was amazed that a talented pastry chef would be willing to part with her recipes. Second, I knew I needed to attend the inaugural class. I didn't know if my friend could make it (turns out she couldn't) but I didn't hesitate to sign up. And it's a good thing I did! I later learned the 10 initial spots filled up in 15 minutes. When Donovan added additional spots to the class, she still had a large wait list.

I had no idea what to expect. Truth be told, I was nervous. I feared walking into a room full of pastry experts...like a baking version of karaoke in Nashville. (Because everyone wants to be discovered on the karaoke stage. They're not looking for a fun time like the rest of us.)

But there was nothing to fear. The class was held in the Stable House behind Husk. There wasn't a lot of wiggle room with 24 people, plus Lisa, but we made it work. I ended up at a table of 5 and loved getting to know each person. We christened ourselves the redheaded stepchildren, as we always seemed to be the last to receive the butter/salt/baking powder that was passed around.

Lisa Donovan is funny, self-deprecating, and knows her way around a pie tin. I loved hearing the stories behind her recipes and her struggle in sharing them- even though she wanted to teach the class. We learned how to make pie crust first.

I'd never attempted pie crust before. It always seemed too complex and risky. Intimidating. Better to buy one at the grocery store than have a homemade one fall apart.

Lisa walked us through the steps and checked our work as we incorporated butter into flour. My tablemates' efforts all differed from one another and we weren't sure who was doing what right. And then an unexpectedly awesome thing happened.

Lisa looked at my incorporated butter and said, "this is exactly how it should look." She took my bowl and had the class look at it as an example.

(I couldn't take a picture because my hands were covered in butter and flour but it was a proud moment.)

Perhaps I have a knack for pie crust after all?

After pie crust, we made the filling for Buttermilk Pie, which is similar to a chess pie. Then it was on to biscuits.

Because of the size of the class, we went longer than scheduled and needed to assemble and bake our pies at home.  But there was no way I was going to leave before my biscuits came out of the oven. I ate one on the way to the car and another while I was driving. So, so good.

These recipes are keepers and if you want them, you'll have to take the Southern Baking class. Lisa has so many tips and tricks and I hope she'll decide to share a few other recipes so I can take another class from her some day.

In the meantime, who needs a biscuit?

A reading from the Book of the Prophet Isaiah.

They told us to line up just outside the sanctuary doors. Family started to gather and I saw him standing there at the start of our haphazard line. Alone. Slightly stooped, almost frail. As if his strength seeped out of him the day she left us.

I had rarely seen him without Grandma and it hit me that this was his future. She would never be at his side again. But he shouldn't have been alone, not for this.

I moved toward him without thinking and took his hand. He blinked away tears and patted the hand he now held. Words weren't necessary. My cousin Jennie appeared on his other side and took that hand. Now he was flanked by granddaughters.

This month marks two years since the death of my grandmother. I knew I would eventually write about her funeral and I hope I've done it justice. Please head over to A Deeper Family to read the rest of the post.

That title is another way of saying, "I am a geek for all things Enneagram." I really, truly am. The more I've shared about it on social media, the more people ask me about it and what type they are.

A few things you should know: figuring out your type is just the first step in the journey and knowing your type just might change your life. Also, while I am definitely an Enneagram geek, I'm still learning.

Ennea-what?

The Enneagram (pronounced any-uh-gram) is the study of the 9 basic types of people and originated from Christian desert monk and medieval Sufi sources. It explains why we behave the way we do but also provides a pathway for individual growth. Understanding your type and the type of your loved ones can vastly improve relationships. It is commonly used in the Catholic tradition, especially in monasteries. When viewed from a Christian lens, it helps us identify the ways we hide from ourselves and from God. But to be clear, this is not a religious tool; our current understanding of the Enneagram is thanks to psychologists. 

The Enneagram is represented by a circle connecting the nine types. The types are also connected by arrows and are grouped into three centers. Your personality may be influenced by the types on either side of yours. These are your wing types and one is usually more dominant than the other. For instance, I'm a 4, meaning 3 and 5 are my wings. Since 5 is more dominant for me, I'm a 4w5.

One prominent theory recommends people not explore the Enneagram until they are in their mid to late 20s, with 30s being the ideal age to start.  You need to have fully developed your character and natural ways of dealing with life.

I really want to emphasize the pathway of growth. Each of the 9 types has positive and negative qualities. And trust me, the negative qualities are awful and stark. You won't like admitting to those parts of yourself. But, take heart! We are not doomed to stay there.

It's about wholeness and understanding what makes you tick. This is why I love it: it shows you how you can be a better person. Each type has some wonderful, amazing qualities we can be proud of. The goal of the Enneagram is that as we grow, we will embody more of our type's positive qualities and less of the negative qualities. We will be able to move around the circle and be our best selves.

The Types

• One: The Reformer (The Need to be Perfect)

• Two: The Helper (The Need to be Needed)

• Three: The Achiever (The Need to Succeed)

• Four: The Individualist (The Need to be Special)

• Five: The Observer (The Need to Perceive)

• Six: The Questioner (The Need for Security)

• Seven: The Enthusiast (The Need to Avoid Pain)

• Eight: The Challenger (The Need to be Against)

• Nine: The Peacemaker (The Need to Avoid)

(Note: some of the types have different names associated with them depending on the author/researcher.)

Arrows and Centers (sounds Robin Hood-ish)

Image via Enneagram Made Easy

This tends to be the stage where people get overwhelmed by the Enneagram so don't look much into this until you've figured out your type and have gotten to know it pretty well. Besides wings, each type is connected to two other types via arrows. When relaxed, you take on the positive quality of the number connected to yours in this order: 1-7-5-8-2-4-1 and 3-6-9-3. The reverse direction shows how you respond when stressed. If you're familiar with Myers Briggs, this is similar to the concept of Shadow Types.

The types are divided into three centers, corresponding to the three centers of the body: the heart, the head, and the gut.

The Heart/Healing Center (focused around Image) contains 2s, 3s, and 4s.

The Head/Thinking Center (focused around Fear) contains 5s, 6s, and 7s.

The Gut/Instinctive Center (focused around Anger) contains 8s, 9s, and 1s.

Figuring Out Your Type

And now the fun part! Lean in close because I'm going to tell you how to determine your Enneagram type...

The best way to figure out your type is to cuddle up with the type profiles, read each one over, and then ponder and consider which one you are. Get one of these books or read through the Enneagram Institute profiles. I'm serious. Read and then contemplate. Think about how you acted in your teens and 20s and how you've matured since then. Think about what is most true of you, most of the time. You might see a bit of yourself in all the types but one of them should stand out as being the closest to who you are. Not everything in your basic type will apply. For some people, this will be a short process. For others, longer. You might go back and forth between two or three possibilities. But eventually, you'll decide.

Figuring out your type might not make you feel all that great because you have to admit to your negative characteristics, even if they're not an overt part of your life. But remember: the Enneagram provides a path to wholeness.

In fall/winter 2010, I read Richard Rohr's The Enneagram on a friend's recommendation. (Incidentally, this is not the book I'd recommend starting with, especially if you're not religious. See my recommendations here.) As I contemplated the types, I narrowed it down to two possibilities. Over a couple of weeks, I figured out I was a 4. Since then, I've grown to appreciate my 4-ness and recognize all the progress I've made, even before I knew anything about the Enneagram. Knowing my type has been a source of comfort and strength. It helps knowing why I respond the way I do, especially in terms of figuring out coping skills and boundaries. I also celebrate the great characteristics of being a 4, of which there are many, and to see which of those qualities are becoming more prominent.

No one can tell you your Enneagram type than you. As you learn about the types, it may be tempting to tell others what you think they are but the Enneagram is ultimately a process of discovery. 

That's not to say no one can help you figure it out. Counselors often use the Enneagram in their work. A close friend or family member may be a great listening board and source of insights as you figure things out.

OK, OK. I hear you. You don't really have time to read all the type profiles or you're worried you'll get it wrong. There are a couple of options.

You could hire an Enneagram coach. (Google and see if anyone is in your area. Otherwise, many offer sessions online.)

There are free tests but I can't really recommend them because they are not necessarily accurate. The Enneagram Institute has a short free test, as well as a full-length test for $10. I've also heard good things about the app EnneaApp.

Lastly, there are Enneagram flashcards. I about swooned with joy when my counselor used these. (They confirmed I'm a 4.) I was so impressed, I decided to get my own set so I can help family and friends figure out their type. There are quite a few different sorts you can do, with either yourself or someone else. 

A special set of circumstances came up earlier this week and I FaceTimed a friend through figuring out her type. There were flashcards all over my kitchen but we made it work!

Now You Know Your Type...

Once you know your type, the journey begins. You'll want to read more about your type (resources below) and consider your wings and the aforementioned Arrows and Centers section. You'll begin to notice how it plays out in your day to day life.

This is also where the path to wholeness comes in. Each type has Unhealthy, Average, and Healthy Levels. I love that they lay it all out: here's what we can expect and aspire to, according to our type.

Here's what it looks like for a 4.

Info via Enneagram Institute on Type Four

By identifying our temptations, defense mechanisms, core struggles (root sin, per Richard Rohr), and life tasks, we normalize our experience, while also experiencing the freedom to grow and change. And that, my friends, is beautiful.

Resources

The Enneagram: A Christian Perspective- Richard Rohr

The Wisdom of the Enneagram- Riso and Hudson

The Enneagram Made Easy- Renee Baron and Elizabeth Wagele

Enneagram Institute (tons of free resources)

I could keep going but I'll pause for now. What else do you want to know? What Enneagram type are you?

Disclosure : Amazon Affiliate links included in this post.  If you click through to Amazon, any purchase you make supports this site.