I have a confession: I'm madly in love with April. Flowering trees? Check. Awesome conference? Check. Time with my people? Check.  Easter candy galore? Check and check. The month kept trying to top itself at every turn. I'm certainly not going to complain.

Given some looming uncertainty beginning next month, April feels like even more of a gift.

Read and Reading:

The Bookman's Tale (Lovett) is a book lover's dream. I was enthralled with the mystery it contained from start to finish and kept wondering how the author came up with the storyline and wove the elements so seamlessly together. (It's clear from his bio he was meant to write this book.) It wasn't perfect but gracious does it have my mind whirling with possibilities. Now who can teach me about the world of antiquarian books...

I expected to be moved by Henderson's memoir Unremarried Widow and I was. I did not, however, expect any part of her experience, so different from my own, would resonate. Sentence after sentence wrapped around my heart and I've tucked those words away for further reflection. Henderson is a stunning writer and she deftly handles grief, loss, and forgiveness. I'm grateful she's lifted the curtain behind the military wives and families and given us a glimpse at the hard road they travel.

We'll be discussing Getting Involved With God (Davis) next month on The Red Couch. My introductory post will be up next week. Hope you'll join us!

You can see all the books I've read at Goodreads. 

Currently reading: Learning to Walk in the Dark (Taylor), Dreams of Gods and Monsters (Taylor), Amazing Grace (Norris), New and Selected Poems: Volume 1 (Oliver), Hazardous (Cyzewski), Wisdom of the Enneagram (Riso and Hudson)

(I read 11 books this month.)

TV:

Must-see TV: The Vampire Diaries, Reign, Once Upon A Time, The Real Housewives of New York

I accidentally watched most of Bravo's new show Southern Charm. It was...interesting.

Movies:

I had high hopes for Anchorman 2. I regularly quote Anchorman and hoped its sequel would be similarly hilarious and quotable. Unfortunately, it fell flat. They may have been going for satire but it didn't work. The exception being any scene with Steve Carrell. Brick is the best.

Music:

New discoveries: Dean Fields, The Heavy Heavy Hearts

Listen to the What I'm Into 2013 Spotify playlist. Or the What I'm Into 2014 playlist.

Things I Love:

• I started using doTERRA essential oils in February. I'm a total believer when it comes to OnGuard's germ fighting skills. I use melaleuca and geranium for my eczema and while I'm not entirely sure they're helping with that, there are a host of other great side benefits. DigestZen works beautifully and PastTense knocks out my headaches. I haven't had good success with any of the oils that are supposed to help with sleep- they have the opposite effect on me- but there are a few left to try. doTERRA isn't cheap but if you do a cost analysis ($/drop) it's not too bad. I try a new oil each month to spread it out. Any questions, let me know. If you're interested in trying oils, my friend Lora Lynn will hook you up here.

• I went a few hours out of my way so I could stop by my hometown on the way to the Festival of Faith and Writing. I got to see my best friend at work, hang out with my parents, and see my Grandpa's place one last time before he moves. Totally worth it.

• Plus, going to my hometown meant I met up with Addie and Kim and we drove to Grand Rapids together. They're the best and I wouldn't trade the extra time with them for anything.

• The Festival itself was amazing. Seriously one of the best conferences I've ever been to. It's been on my radar for YEARS but this was the first time I was able to make it. I left feeling inspired, encouraged, and challenged. It also gave me brand-new direction for my work. I'll be back for FFW 2016 for sure.

Clockwise from top left: Deeper Story crew represents (minus Suzannah and Katherine); Micha and Kristin; my "twin" Sharon; Grace and Joy; Suzannah; Rachel; Kelley; Laura

• One of the best parts of FFW was time with friends. I didn't manage to see everyone I wanted to see (Shelly, I still can't believe it!) nor was there enough hours in the day to have good quality conversations with everyone. But I loved getting to see and hug so many favorites. Truly, too many to list here. I treasured the conversations that emerged from our time together, whether during a too-short coffee break, skipped session, or the party at Bar Louie hosted by me and my roommates.

• When I read her amazing spiritual memoir Surprised by Oxford a few years ago, I never could have imagined Carolyn Weber and I would end up having lunch at the Festival. But we did! After I read Surprised, I stumbled on to her blog and from there we developed an online friendship of sorts, which has bloomed in to something real and true. Caro is so lovely and I was so blessed by our time together. If you haven't yet read Surprised by Oxford or Holy Is The Day, you need to.

• Also, there were bowls of margaritas. It needed to happen.

• I also had a great time talking to readers! Thanks to each one for introducing themselves. I only hope I was coherent.

• A week after we saw each other at the Festival, Laura and her husband came to Nashville. So fun chatting over coffee. I can't wait to hang out with her again! Next time we will be sure to discuss Joan Didion.

• My best friend and I decided to try to get cheap tickets to Wicked via lottery the last night of the show. Luckily, Tracy's name was picked! It's one of my favorite shows and it was her first time seeing it. I've been singing Defying Gravity ever since.

• Last week contained a high amount of visitors. I'm still glowing.

• I went to my friend Tamara's book reading for What A Woman Is Worth. I'm so proud of her! I still remember the impact of the Deeper Story post that inspired it all. To hear her read passages from the book was the icing on the cake.

• My childhood best friend Ruth stayed at my place one night. She was at the tail end of a work trip. (Read her piece on ERLC for Al Jazeera America.) It's hard to believe we've known each other almost 30 years. We haven't lived in the same state since college but I have no doubt she'll always be a part of my life one way or another.

• Amongst the visitors were some of my dearest people. We saw each other in various configurations but the highlight was when we all had breakfast together one morning. I'm a better person for knowing Sarah, Abby, Joy, Amber, Allison, and Lora Lynn. I'm going to get weepy if I talk any more about our group.

• While Allison ran the half marathon here in Nashville, I took care of her darling 6 month old daughter. Miri and I are now best friends forever and always. She has the best smile and giggle and we had very illuminating conversations.

• I had fried pickles three times last week. Don't question it. Also Burger UP puts some sort of cheddar powder on theirs now and it's even more amazing. (Clearly I ignored my dairy-free limitations.)

Favorite Instagram:

This morning I looked in the mirror before I left for work and thought, "I look beautiful." Most days I think I'm cute or at least passable but today I'm empirically beautiful. I love myself more each day! I want to honor the progress that's happened in the past 20 years.  

(If you want to follow me on Instagram, my user name is leighkramer. You can usually count on pictures of whatever I'm reading and behind-the-scenes facts, like how I'm a long-time newspaper subscriber.)

<div class="What-I'm-Into-button" style="width: 250px; margin: 0 auto;"> <a href="http://www.leighkramer.com/blog/what-im-into" rel="nofollow"> <img src="http://www.leighkramer.com/What%20I%27m%20Into%20button.jpg" alt="What I'm Into" width="250" height="188" /> </a> </div>

What I'm Into Link Up Guidelines:

1. Today’s link-up will stay up for one week. The next What I'm Into link up will be Friday May 30.

2. Link the unique URL of your post, not your blog's home page. Readers peruse link ups months after the fact and you want to make it easy for them to find your What I'm Into post.

3. Please include the What I'm Into button or mention you're linking up with What I'm Into at Leigh Kramer.

4. Visit at least 2 other posts in the linkup!

What have you been into this month?

Disclosure : Amazon Affiliate links included in this post.  If you click through to Amazon, any purchase you make supports this site.

I wish I could forget Phil. A week after my 17th birthday, I started working at a local pharmacy. A pharmacist and clerk covered the back of the store, while I ruled over the Lotto machine and front register. If I worked in the morning, I'd make popcorn, coffee, and hot dogs. If I worked in the evening, I'd clean it all up. Not very glamorous but it was a paycheck. For me, the highlight was the customers. Most of them, at least.

We were encouraged to talk with our customers, the regulars becoming like family. We teased and advised one another. I knew who preferred which brand of cigarettes and the latest happenings at their jobs. They learned about how my junior year of high school was shaping up. Everything a first job should be, but for Phil.

The first night I met him, he sauntered in with panache. This was someone to notice. He introduced himself immediately, reaching to shake my hand, and barely letting me respond before he launched in to a story about his day. Phil's belly hung over his camo pants, his posture stooped. He appeared to be in his mid-50s but I couldn't say for sure. Greasy hair stuck out from under a baseball cap, contrasting his jittery pace. As he continued talking, I noticed part of his front tooth was missing. A perfect triangle gap. I didn't want to know how it happened.

Under any other circumstances, I would have avoided him. But he was here at the pharmacy, demanding my attention, and somehow setting me at ease. He left after about 10 minutes, long enough to buy cigarettes and Lotto tickets.

A couple of months passed and I forgot about Phil until he walked back in to the store. He launched in to an explanation as soon as I came to the counter.

"I've been away for a while but I haven't forgotten about you or how great you are."

Strange but I brushed my reservations aside. He was a customer. He was probably lonely. Not a big deal.

Phil came in more frequently after that. As we chatted, I gathered he did not have the happiest of lives.  Whenever he stopped by Saturday mornings, the alcohol on his breath permeated the air. I felt sorry for him.

Four months after I started working at the pharmacy, Memorial Day rolled around and I was the lucky one working that day. Sounds from the town's passing parade called to me; it was the first time I hadn't witnessed it. I buzzed through the opening chores and tackled the list of jobs the manager left for me. Few customers stopped in and soon there was nothing to do but read magazines for the rest of the day. I grabbed a few copies and nestled them between the popcorn machine and coffee maker, leaning over the counter as I flipped pages.

And then I sensed someone watching me, their gaze hot against my head. Don't be ridiculous, I told myself. There was a window behind the counter but you'd have to look past the sunshade and cigarette cases to see anything. I brushed the feeling aside but the sensation lingered. My head fairly buzzed. Someone was watching me.

I slowly turned around, expecting to laugh at myself when no one was there. Phil stood before me on the other side of the glass, his hands cupped around his eyes. Eyes staring straight at me.

He shot straight up and hollered excuses through the thick glass.

My heart thudded as wild as my racing thoughts. Please don't come in, please don't come in. I begged to no avail. He walked in and tried to apologize.

"Oh, sorry...didn't mean to be looking in on you. I was just trying to figure out who was working in here. That window makes everything look darker. I thought you were a black girl until you turned around," he blundered, ignoring my telepathic plea for him to stoptalkingstoptalkingstoptalking.

I didn't know what to say. What could I say? My face turned blank, as did my mind. What could I possibly do? I willed him to leave the store, to leave me alone but he took longer than usual. He couldn't decide between Camels and Winstons. He didn't know if he wanted to buy a cigar or a Little Lotto ticket. Never one to linger, he wandered down the magazine aisle after making his purchases. I caught him using the storefront security mirror to spy on me several times. But I didn't say anything. He was a customer. Surely, he was harmless. Surely.

I pushed the incident aside, until a few weekends later.

This was originally published on A Deeper Story. Read part 2.