Leigh Kramer

What I'm Into (November 2014 Edition)

Happy day after Thanksgiving to my fellow Americans! November strikes me as an especially patriotic month, starting with the election and ending with a table full of family and/or friends gathered around a turkey. I'll take it.

 

Read and Reading

I applaud Doughty's exploration of death and the funeral industry in Smoke Gets In Your Eyes: And Other Lessons From the Crematory. Too few people recognize the value in these topics. When we ignore the reality of death, it hampers our ability to truly live and this plays out in myriad ways, from our healthcare system to Botox. Doughty has some unconventional thoughts about the post-mortem but I appreciated how she came to her conclusions and especially how she makes room for a difference of opinion over what should happen after we die. More than that, she makes room for honest conversation. Though I worked in hospice for several years and have attended funerals my whole life, I still learned a lot in these pages. If you're not familiar with the "death industry," you might not be prepared for the wacky sense of humor or what death looks like. And really, that makes the case for this book that much more. I wish everyone would read it.

I couldn't stop laughing, relating, and nodding in solidarity while I read Never Have I Ever: My Life (So Far) Without A Date (Heaney). Recommended for my fellow single ladies, no matter how much dating experience you have. 

I enjoyed First Impressions even more than Lovett's first novel- and that was a hard one to beat! Any book nerd will enjoy this look at Jane Austen's life intertwined with a present-day librarian trying to prove Austen didn't plagiarize Pride & Prejudice. I loved how the mystery unfolded and I especially loved learning more about the world of books and the many ways in which we love to read.

A friend gave me Truth & Beauty (Patchett) a while back and I have such complicated feelings about it. Beautiful and mesmerizing portrait of the author's friendship with Lucy Grealy. The writing swept me away but the content is haunting due to codependency, substance abuse, and ultimately loss. Their relationship was not a healthy one and yet it seems to be a gift they gave to each other.

 

You can see all the books I've read at Goodreads. My fiction and nonfiction recommendations, comprised of books with 4 or 5 star ratings, are on Pinterest.

Currently reading: We Make the Road By Walking (McLaren), Amazing Grace (Norris), New and Selected Poems: Volume 1 (Oliver), The Great Santini (Conroy),  As You Wish: Inconceivable Tales from the Making of The Princess Bride (Elwes)

 

(I read 11 books this month.)

 

TV:

Must-see TV: Madam Secretary, Jane the Virgin, Top Chef, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Scandal, How to Get Away with Murder, Once Upon a Time, Project Runway All Stars

Watching all the Hallmark and Lifetime Christmas movies, of course.

 

Music:

New discoveries: Bill Deasy, St. Paul and the Broken Bones (these guys have been on my radar for the last year but I didn't pay much attention before Call Me), Birdy, Jon McLaughlin

Normally I don't listen to any Christmas music until the day after Thanksgiving but Over the Rhine released the much anticipated Blood Oranges in the Snow. An exception had to be made.

Listen to the What I'm Into 2014 playlist.

 

Podcasts:

When Slate Culture Gabfest discussed Serial, they mentioned another serial podcast that started around the same time: Start Up. I am fascinated by how a start up company comes together, especially when the person starting the company has no business experience. Each week we learn how or whether Alex Blumberg's company is coming together. It's meta and yet it's real life.

On Being with Krista Tippett featured an interview with Joanna Macy, one of the translaters of Rilke's Book of Hours. (There are other translations, of course, but this is considered by many to be the best.) It's one of my favorite volumes of poetry and it was such a treat to hear how Macy interacted with the poems, as well as learn more of her story and her relationship with Buddhism.

Just for fun: Charts for People Obsessed With Serial

 

Things I Love:

• Picking up my last CSA share of the season. 2014 was the season of potatoes and sweet potatoes. I'll be eating them for all of eternity.

• I hang out at my best friend's house a lot but lately my niece-in-love has taken to running toward me and exuberantly hugging me upon my arrival. I appreciate whatever inspires this great welcome.

• Let the record show my nephew-in-love is, in fact, the cutest baby ever. He loves snuggling his auntie and has a most delightful smile and laugh.

Amena doing her thing

• I was gifted a ticket to Q Women, which took place in Franklin. It was fun seeing friends of the local and in-town-for-the-conference variety. My friend Amena Brown was amazing. If you can ever see her perform in person, you must do it. I told her I wanted to listen to For Margaret every night before I went to sleep. The other highlights were Annie Downs and Julie Rodgers.

• I got to take care of the girl I nannied a few times this month and we both felt like all was right with the world again. We had a princess party one night (this made her happy) and met Santa another night (this made her sad.) She's doing really well but it's good to know I've been missed.

• A friend introduced me to Slow & Low BBQ and life may never be the same again. I'm not much of a barbecue person but I have definitely been on a brisket kick this past year. This place is close to my neighborhood (no idea how I missed it before!), which is excellent and dangerous.

• Catching up with Robin Dance. Not nearly enough time together but it was so good to see her face again.

The Wave, choreographed by Travis Wall, my favorite dance of the season

• My friend Kelley and I went to see the SYTYCD season 11 dancers perform at the Ryman and it was AMAZING. I screamed like the girl I am. They performed all my favorite routines and added some awesome new ones into the mix. This was truly the best season yet and I'm so glad Kelley and I got to further our obsession.

• I took a break from social media for a little over a week and it was just what I needed. When I'm under a lot of stress, my struggle with envy/comparison knows no bounds and I have fewer defenses against it. Day 1 I felt so much lighter and more focused. It made me wish I'd started it weeks earlier! I'm back on Facebook and Twitter now but leaving both apps off my phone (FB is usually off my phone unless I'm traveling anyway) and only checking in once a day so I can stay on track. It's amazing how much work I can get done this way!

• I've picked up a couple more jobs this month. I'm working as a virtual assistant (VA) for a couple of fine folks and I'm also helping out at the She Reads Truth office. Every day is very different!

• I spent Thanksgiving with my best friend Tracy and her family. They are my second home, in more ways than one.

• Harney & Sons Holiday Tea. Trust me.

• I made Dinner: A Love Story's Pork Shoulder Ragu and it will henceforth be my go to company's coming, take people a meal, I need comfort food meal. Basically I'm looking for excuses to make it again.

 

In the Blogosphere:

The best posts I've read are compiled on Storify.

If you time to read a longform post, please read On Kindness. Still thinking about it weeks later. If you only have time read one post, let it be Gate A-4.

I am heartbroken over Ferguson and the lack of indictment. This has been a week of grief and lament. Many people have questions and want to learn more about this tragic situation. To that end, I've compiled the best articles I've read over the last few months here. If you're looking to do something tangible, this is an interview with Ferguson's lone full-time librarian and contains information on how to donate to the library. Thank you, Scott Bonner, for the good work you're doing!

 

Favorite Instagram:

I really need to make one of these. Teacup chandeliers are the BEST. (This was taken at Thistle Stop Cafe, one of my favorite places, for obvious reasons.)

(If you want to follow me on Instagram, my user name is leighkramer.)

 

On The Blog:

I told you There's Nothing Wrong With Singleness and I'll keep proclaiming it until it no longer needs to be said. I was also this month's Pilgrim in Residence at A Sacred Journey.

On the Leigh Kramer FB page, I shared what may be the best Jesus Juke of all time and how many books I've read so far this year. Yes, that tally is insane.

 

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 What I'm Into Link Up Guidelines:

1. Today’s link-up will stay up for one week. The next What I'm Into link up will be Wednesday December 31.

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An InLinkz Link-up

 

What have you been into this month?

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Have Yourself an Introverted Christmas

For the first 30 years of my life, I didn't have to be strategic about Christmas plans. I stayed in my hometown after graduate school, about 10 minutes away from my parents and one set of grandparents and 45 minutes away from the other set of grandparents. I worked in jobs which did not give me time off Christmas Eve day and because my family doesn't travel for the holidays, I didn't need to take time off after Christmas either.

Christmas remained the same whirlwind of celebrating it always was.

Christmas Eve is spent with my dad's side of the family, followed by Christmas morning with my parents and brother (my sister-in-law joined the mix a couple of years ago), and then we head out out to be with my mom's side of the family by noon and spend the afternoon there. By the time we get back, I'm spent.

When I still lived in my hometown, this was no big deal. I'd return to my apartment to recharge and then it would be back to my usual routine.

This is my final post as the Pilgrim in Residence at A Sacred Journey. I hope you guys have enjoyed this series! Please be sure to check out Lacy's site and learn more about her story. Head on over to read the rest and let me know what your best "introvert Christmas" tips are.

One Year After Whole 30: An Update

A year ago I had just finished the 10 day reintroduction phase of Whole 30. Whole 30 is a nutritional reset, an elimination diet. For 30 days, you cut out sugar, grains, gluten, dairy, legumes, and alcohol. You focus on balanced meals and healthy fats. You make sure to eat breakfast, you check lots of labels for hidden ingredients, and you don't snack. Meals consist of meat, veggies, and a healthy fat.

It is not for the weak. But if you have any sort of medical condition, it can be extremely helpful in determining whether or how your diet plays a role.

That is precisely why I spent the latter half of October and first couple of weeks of November completing it. I've had eczema since I was a baby and intermittent insomnia since junior high. Last fall I'd reached a breaking point with my eczema and figured I had nothing left to lose.

Because my diet was pared down, it was easier to identify culprits during Whole 30. This is how I determined nuts (one of the approved healthy fats) actually caused my eczema. It made unfortunate sense. In the year or two prior, I'd tried to eat healthier snacks, like almonds. It was no wonder my eczema had become worse, instead of better.

After the 30 days, I then reintroduced dairy and then gluten, followed by grains and then legumes and paid attention to what my body said.

My body immediately pointed a condemning finger at dairy. It was my worst fear come true. You cannot understand the enormous depths of my love for all things dairy. Ice cream is an obvious love but really, my heart has always belonged to cheese. My mom used to tell me she thought there was a correlation between dairy and eczema and I'd plug my fingers in my ears because I didn't want to hear it.

I would easily give up anything other than dairy. At least that's what I thought pre-Whole 30.

I felt so good during the last 2 weeks of the challenge. I slept through the night, yes, but best of all: I wasn't scratching the hell out of my legs. It makes sense that I'd sleep better if my eczema was under control. That was my normal for years! Horrifying.

After experiencing the good life, I couldn't go back and I've lived the 99% dairy-free life ever since.

I say 99% because I don't have any dairy products at home but I'm not as strict when I eat out. Dairy is in everything at restaurants, whether it's delicious butter slathered on a hamburger bun or feta studding a salad. Because it doesn't cause me intestinal difficulty and because I love dairy in all its forms, I often eat whatever I want and deal with the consequences.

I also try to counteract the consequences. When eating dairy, I'll take doTERRA DigestZen as soon after the meal as possible. I also take melatonin before going to bed. These two actions make a huge difference. Still, it's best for dairy to only be an occasional indulgence. Goat and sheep milks seem OK but I haven't experimented enough to eat or cook with it regularly. There are no exceptions to the nut rules. (Thankfully peanuts are a legume, not a nut, and are totally fine.) It turns out red wine is also problematic so I stick to cocktails when I drink.

As you can imagine, quite a few of my staple recipes have undergone changes or been eliminated altogether. I never thought I'd be able to live in a dairy-free world but there are so many great alternatives, it's not as great of a loss as I thought. I swear by Trader Joe's Chocolate Coconut Ice Cream, for example.

For the holidays, I'll be indulging in all my favorite foods, dairy and all. It will be a true feast and I'll enjoy every second of it. But I'm also going to use Earth Balance baking sticks (not an endorsement or perk) when I make Christmas cookies. The dairy-free life is an adjustment but it's worth it. I only wish I hadn't waited so long to figure it out.

Staying Put

Photo source

I'm conceding defeat. California is not in my future come January. I'd hoped to celebrate my 35th birthday there but it turns out paying my bills and affording to eat is more of a priority. Ho hum.

My cousins have lived in San Francisco at least 15 years now and each of those years I've expressed my hope to visit soon. I hardly ever get to see Clara and Emily because of the distance and I suppose I have romanticized this future visit as a result. Still, they're my only girl cousins on my mom's side of the family and I like the idea of us having time together, just us three.

I especially liked the idea of celebrating my birthday with them and a few friends who also live in San Francisco. I hoped 2015 would be the year I finally made it out to California for the first time

I'm putting my birthday dream back on a shelf.

This is my third post as the Pilgrim in Residence at A Sacred Journey. Head over to read the rest.

In the Moment

The hopes and fears of all my years met in the living room that night. A few years back I sat beside my two best friends and their husbands, reunited for the weekend. We watched a Nicholas Sparks movie but that wasn't the reason I wanted to cry.

 

I had prepared myself for inevitable disconnect. They moved on to be wives and mothers, while I have not. This difference does not divide us but it's there.  I knew at some point I would feel sad our lives are not all on the same page. But that wasn't quite it either. 

 

I was surrounded by the people who have known me best and longest but I felt alone, suddenly catapulted back to 16, self-hating and desperate to be accepted and loved by my peers. All I could see was them in their respective couplings and me, the consistent fifth wheel. Was this how it would be for the rest of our lives? Did they really want me there? Surely they only kept me around out of pity. The unexpected nature of those insecurities crept into my present and threw me. 

 

After the movie ended, I quietly put my shoes on, said goodnight, and then fell apart as I walked to my car. 

I cried as I drove home, wishing I had a cigarette in spite of quitting several years prior. And then I cried as I paced around my house, hard rock blaring from a stereo. I wanted something to hold on to.

I believed the lies that I wasn’t worthy of love and friendship. I thought I had moved beyond it and this failure defeated me. I tried to summon the truth, tried calling out to God. The hour grew later but I could find no rest. I finally fell asleep without relief. My eyes felt gritty and my face puffy when I woke. By the time my friends and I met up for breakfast, I’d resolved to put the sadness behind me. I didn’t want to ruin the rest of our time together with my issues. They knew something happened and one of the husband’s apologized, thinking I was upset about the way they’d made fun of the film, forgetting I’d normally join in on the take-down. But I brushed it off and said I was fine. They saw right through me but didn’t push.

A couple of days passed and I couldn’t shake the mood. I wasn’t that 16 year old girl anymore. My self-hating ways have been put behind me for quite some time. Why then did these insecurities surprise me?

I prayed again. I didn’t want to be stuck battling the same things. I asked God how to move beyond it. I prepared myself for silence. Only He spoke.

Tell, He said. Not a tied up pretty with a bow, here’s what I’m working on version. Just the in-the-moment pain.

Not what I wanted to hear. Ever used to being the listener, I didn’t know how to share my pain until I’d already moved on from it. I rationalized they wouldn’t understand and feared people would think of me as a whiner. I believed I should have dealt with this baggage by now; therefore I shouldn’t subject other people to it. With this, I realized I’d swallowed the lie about being the strong one in my relationships, that I somehow didn’t deserve comfort. While I didn’t present myself as someone who was put together, I also didn’t often allow my friends the opportunity to speak to my broken pieces.

I know this about myself and have even tried to be more intentional in sharing about these dark moments with my inner circle. Still, I hesitate each time, wondering if this will be the moment that they tire of listening or decide I am just too much.

It’s not fair to my closest friends and it’s not fair to me. Vulnerability is a risk but haven’t these kindreds already earned that?

Tell. The word reverberated through me that weekend and I recognized its rightness then and now. It was time to trust and share and let God. The lies we believe lose their power when we say them out loud to a trusted friend. Some things we cannot do on our own. It was time to tell.

So I did. And I have.

 

This post was originally published at A Deeper Story. The original is here.