Leigh Kramer: Posts from September 2015

If you look closely, you can see a certain infamous bridge. I've experimented with a couple of different bus routes to and from work this month. Both of which require more walking; this route pays off with the view of not only Golden Gate Bridge but the ocean as well. If that isn't a metaphor for this month, I don't know what is.

I've lived here 3 months now and there's so much I haven't explored and so much left for me to learn. The apartment search continues. But there are bright spots along the way. Most definitely.

Read and Reading

The Invisibles (Galante) is such a wonderful exploration of 4 friends who lived in a group home together, then decided not to talk once they graduated high school until circumstances brought them back together 15 years later. Great insights on friendship but also the secrets we keep from ourselves and others. It kept me engaged and guessing the whole time as to whether the characters would grow and heal or retreat into themselves. Highly recommended.

The Alchemist (Coelho) was a case of right book, right time. Watching the boy's journey unfold and seeing how he became attuned to the symbols and omens along the way reminded me of the way my intuition works and encouraged me to press in and press on as I continue to adjust to living in this city. I am so happy it was a Red Couch Book Club pick and loved our discussion last week.

I don't have the words for how much I loved Out of Sorts: Making Peace with an Evolving Faith (Bessey.) I wish I'd read it in my early 20s or even college when my faith crumbled and I began the process of rebuilding it. Sarah's wisdom and insights resonate even now as I continue to explore my relationship with God and church. If you're like me, you'll need to have a pen or highlighter handy while you read. (Out November 3. Pre-order now!)

I'm still formulating my review but suffice it to say Birmingham Revolution:Martin Luther King Jr.'s Epic Challenge to the Church (Gilbreath) is a must read. Well written and thought provoking.

I reviewed Spinster (Bolick) last week (here it is) and really enjoyed hearing from other people who have read it and/or are exploring similar questions. I hope this is the beginning of an era with more books on singleness.

Modern Romance (Ansari and Klinenberg) also has to do with singleness but it's specific to dating. They did an impressive amount of interviews and research and the findings mostly resonated with my experience. Non-singles will also benefit from reading it for the exploration of how technology affects our relationships.

You can see all the books I've read at Goodreads.

Currently reading: Embracing the Body (Owen), Understanding the Enneagram (Riso and Hudson), Peace Like A River (Enger), The Lost Wife (Richman)

(I read 12 books this month.)

TV:

Must-see TV: Real Housewives of Orange County, Scandal, How To Get Away With Murder, Once Upon A Time

Apparently I can watch one season of a show per month: I'm on season 5 of The West Wing.

I started watching I Am Cait and am really impressed with Caitlyn Jenner's openness and vulnerability about her transition and especially her advocacy for the trans community. Truly moving.

Music:

A Night for City Hope celebrated the opening of City Hope's community center. They do such amazing work there! Plus, it was a night of great music. I especially loved Geographer.

Listen to the What I'm Into 2015 playlist.

Podcasts:

New subscriptions: Tara Brach

Did you ever listen to Pedro the Lion? I've followed David Bazan's career with interest for a long time now and really enjoyed hearing about his doubts and where he's at with faith in this episode on You Made It Weird.

I'm incredibly proud of my friends Laura and Megan for this Sorta Awesome episode: The Truth About Anxiety. I don't struggle with anxiety but many of my loved ones do and I am all in favor of anything that lessens the stigma.

Things I Love:

I went on a staff retreat and stayed at the Villambrosa Center, which was such a serene and beautiful place.

I really enjoyed getting 1:1 time with my co-workers, especially the ones I didn't know as well. I also love working for a place that prioritizes their staff and wants to take intentional time to talk about vision and mission.

We went for dinner at a nice Italian restaurant and I could not get over how good the food was. I did not follow my dairy-free restrictions and the ensuing eczema was entirely worth it. I also drank an incredibly delicious buttery chardonnay.

My cousins and I brunched together on Labor Day. It's such a treat to spend time with them and none of us can get over how I'm here, I'm really here!

I walked down to Devil's Teeth Baking Company for another breakfast sandwich (divine!) and fully enjoyed my time getting to know Jalyn better. It turns out she only lives a block away. It's so fun having a friend in the neighborhood!

My team headed over to The Cheese School for a night o' bonding. And cheese. (Another dairy-free cheat night.) And wine. It was drizzly at times but the conversation was worth it.

I found a new stylist and she is amazing. Glory be.

I don't know how I haven't had pho before but Lydia took me to a place a couple of weeks ago and I am head over heels for pho forever now.

Great phone calls catching up with Donna, Kibibi, and Amena respectively. I'm all about other ways to keep in touch but sometimes you just need to talk in real time.

The Donna I mentioned above? She sent me a surprise package of candy corn in the mail. My former roomie knows just what I need in the fall!

I started going to a 1-4-2 Enneagram group and I am so excited to dive deeper into being a Four.

San Luis Obispo is halfway between me and my friend Sharone so we met up there this past Saturday and it was so fantastic to catch up and explore the city. I adore her! It was fun getting to experience more of California and eat good food and try to go apple picking. (There were hijinks in even finding the place and then we got there and found out you can't actually pick apples. Just buy them. Boo! But they were really delicious apples.)

I haven't visited a Mission before and it was a strange coincidence to be there the same week Junipero Serra was controversially canonized. It's a beautiful place but what a troubling history.

My team and I put on two big events on Sunday and I am so proud of us. Also I am exhausted. Also I might have eaten frosting straight from the can when I got home that night.

On The Blog:

I wrote about some of my most cherished friends and the way they are an echo and a mirror.

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What have you been into this month?

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I call them my Life Council but that makes it sound like I hand picked them for my team when really they were the ones picking me.

I had no say in the matter, other than to say yes to them, these fierce wonders who appeared in my life right when I needed them.

It's as if we were invited to the dinner party and most of us knew the hostess and some of us knew each other or knew friends of friends. Alchemy occurred once we sat at the same table. We thought we were there for dinner but it was the start of something so much bigger.

We were wide-eyed at one another as the bond formed and the roots grew deep below the surface. How did we get so lucky? We'd never experienced anything like it, a collective sisterhood appearing from the mists and saving our respective lives.

Though, to be clear, this group has never replaced the relationships in our lives. If anything, it's enhanced our day-to-day community. I still turn to my best friends, to my inner circle. My Life Council is in the same orbit. It's both/and.

We have a million names for ourselves and a million more inside jokes. We are the safe place and we are ever present. There are few topics we haven't covered and then turned around to cover again.

Day by day, we choose each other.

It sound idyllic. It rings true of blessing and honor and good old-fashioned luck. It is all these things.

And yet I never knew when I first said yes to the invitation, I would have to keep saying yes to these remarkable women.

There are times I've wanted to hide and times I actually have stepped back because I worried I was too much or not enough. Times when I was overwhelmed by my own ugly envy, an emotion I've never wanted to wield against my dearest friends.

We have taken turns dancing around each other, bowing out while on vacation or when life became too compacted with busy or too laden with emotion. But we always circle back around. We always return to one other.

We have showed up. We have said yes. We have marched.

We have risked vulnerability over and over again: would we hold one another? Would we still be there if even this was uttered?

We dispense wit and wisdom. We deliver a swift kick in the arse, as needed. We challenge. We speak truth in love. We have laughed loud in to the night and wept alongside one another.

We have summoned all of our courage to say the things we've told very few or perhaps no one at all and received the echo of "me, too" "me, too" "me, too."

We keep showing up in the ways we know best how and receive the gift of this mirror: "we see you, we hear you, we love you."

We see the best in one another and believe in each person's potential, even when they struggle to see it themselves.

We are there for one another, even when divided by state lines. We hold one another's secrets and celebrate each other's success.

I am a better person for having them in my life. They have taught me how to be a better friend, hostess, and all around kickass woman.

Sometimes I am tempted to wonder what I add to the mix. When I am stressed, I want to follow my gloomier inclinations to believe I wouldn't be missed but I have learned to flit those fears away.

These women have carried me during some of my darkest hours. They have believed in and for me when I forgot how. They have championed my cause and painted a vision for a wondrous future. We have talked endlessly over coffee and tea and glasses of wine. They have put me up in their guest rooms and poured cocktails and baked cakes. Their children and husbands are more than faces seen on a Christmas card.

How many more ways can a person choose another?

We are who we are to each other precisely because of who we each are.

We are the echo. We are the mirror. We are the gift.