A few months ago, as I am wont to do, I shared an article about the end of a friendship on my Facebook page and someone commented, asking what motivated me to share such articles and whether I'd experienced something similar.

The answer, of course, is complicated. The prose was gorgeous and the article moved me. That's why I shared it. But also, I don't think you can get to your mid-30s and not experience difficulties with friendship at some point. I am no exception.

What matters is how you respond. Either you work through it together, ignore it as resentment piles up, or one or both of you decide to walk away. 

This is why I'm drawn to books and articles about friendship. I like to see how other people approach friendship. It reminds me of the friends I've had for years upon years and the ones who meant something for a season and then those few who are purposefully no longer part of my life.

When I first heard about Deborah Shapiro's The Sun In Your Eyes, I was intrigued. It's rare to find novels where friendship takes the center stage.

Lee Parish is the daughter of a dead rock star and his model/fashion designer wife. She is magnetic and alluring and she knows it. Vivian Feld knows nothing of Lee's world when they first meet in college but meeting Lee brings Viv to life. They are roommates with Andy, who is in love with Lee, and it is clear from the start that won't end well.

The novel shifts between when they first meet and years later after a three year break in contact. Viv and Andy are now married. Her friendship with Lee has drifted away when Lee resurfaces with a proposition: help her find her dad's last recordings, tapes which disappeared the day of his accident.

Viv has every reason to say no and yet she is swept back into Lee's thrall and a road trip ensues.

The power dynamic between the two is compelling. Who is using who? Are they more equal than either think? The time apart has given both a chance to reflect about their relationship. (We experience more of Viv's perspective in the first half and some of Lee's perspective in the second.) As we learn about how they first met and the circumstances that strengthened their bond, it becomes clear that for all their closeness, there are parts of each other they do not know or understand. 

In the years since, as they've dealt with their respective life choices, they are still tethered to each other.

"She was often still the one I wanted to talk to, not simply out of habit, but because if she were listening, if she knew about it, whatever it was would be more interesting, more significant. I wavered between believing she felt the same way- how could she not?- and sensing that I was deceiving myself. If she'd really wanted or needed to talk to me, she would have. But it couldn't be that simple, I thought. Our relationship wasn't that simple. No, she must have wanted to talk to me but couldn't bring herself to do so precisely because it wasn't that simple and she trusted me to understand that. Unless our relationship really was that simple for her? She had left me with a mystery I tried to solve with circuitous thinking. It was a way to keep her present." p. 49

As I read, I wavered between thinking Lee manipulated everyone around her to whether they had a co-dependent relationship to how Viv benefitted from her relationship with Lee. There were no easy answers. Even when the characters made choices with which I vehemently disagreed.

At its heart, The Sun In Your Eyes is about the ups and downs of friendship and whether we can see another person clearly. I'm not entirely sure we as readers should judge the nature or health of Lee and Viv's friendship. We are changed by the people we befriend. At times, this blinds us to their faults- and we benefit when we are on the receiving end of this.  

Those three years of silence gave Lee and Viv the gift of perspective. Very rarely can I see my friendships in a stark light, even when navigating through conflict. The intimacy a friendship requires is complex and dazzling. We should be in awe of our friends. We should be their confidantes and cheerleaders and teachers. And they should be the same for us. When there isn't such reciprocity, cracks and splinters will emerge, as Lee and Viv ultimately learn. But even then, the path forward is not often clear.

Shapiro's debut novel impressed me for the ways she welcomed us into Lee and Viv's world and showed us its nuances and heft. It is at once a gracious and incising portrayal. Neither character is demonized but nor are they idealized and idolized. In other words, they are you and me. While I don't have any friends like Lee and Viv, their portrayal gave me hope about the state of female friendship because no matter how they leave things, it shows why women need each other. And we do need each other.

The Sun In Your Eyes is a lovely and worthwhile addition to the friendship canon.  

Purchase Links

HarperCollins | Amazon | Barnes & Noble

About Deborah Shapiro

Deborah Shapiro was born and raised outside of Boston, Massachusetts. A graduate of Brown University, she spent several years in New York working at magazines, including New York and ELLE, and her work has been published in Open City, Washington Square Review, and the Los Angeles Review of Books, among other places. She lives with her husband and son in Chicago. The Sun in Your Eyes is her first novel. Follow Deborah on Twitter. 

Disclosure: I was provided a free copy of this book from TLC Book Reviews but it did not influence my opinion. Affiliate links included in this post. Any purchase you make helps support this site. 

Portola Redwoods, La Honda, CA

This spring has been full of work, travel, and play, just the way I like it. May was the best of all worlds, in so many ways. Especially because it included an escape to the forest. 

Read and Reading

No One Knows (Ellison) is a worthy addition to the unreliable narrator canon. This would be a 5 star book but for the last chapter (not the epilogue), which felt like the author was forcing readers to come to a specific conclusion, one with which I happened to disagree. Even still, I was fascinated by the main character and the depiction of grief. The twists kept the story pulsing forward and even once key pieces were revealed, I knew there was more to come around the corner. What a ride! This was my April pick from the Book Of The Month Club. I am so impressed with them! If you want to join, new members get 50% off a 3 month membership with the code REFER50.

I could not put Red Queen (Aveyard) down! The author made some bold choices that kept me guessing and the plot has very relevant applications to the race and privilege conversation. I'm anxiously awaiting to get off the library wait list for Glass Sword.

The Raven King (Stiefvater) was a very satisfying end to the series with some lovely unexpected developments. I was especially heartened by Ronan and Adam's storyline, as well as the addition of Henry. I'm going to miss these characters.

People may hear what Chase Away Cancer (Ewoldt) is about and think it's not for them or that it will be too hard to read and they will be wrong. This book is full of hope, laughter, and love. It is full of life, in no small part due to Chase's vivacious personality brought to life by his mother Ellie's words. There are no wrapped-up-in-a-bow conclusions. Chase's prognosis is uncertain and yet this is a family who is choosing, moment by moment, to fully live to the best of their abilities. Ellie is a gifted writer and I'm so glad she chose to share her story in this way. (Full review here.)

You can see all the books I've read at Goodreads. 

Currently reading: The Complete Enneagram (Chestnut), The New Jim Crow: Mass Incarceration in the Age of Colorblindness (Alexander), Half of a Yellow Sun (Adichie), To Bless The Space Between Us (O'Donohue), How To Be Here (Bell), All The Single Ladies: Unmarried Women and the Rise of an Independent Nation (Traister), Come As You Are (Nagoski), Ink and Bone (Caine)

(I read 26 books this month.)

TV:

Must-see TV: Real Housewives of New York, Real Housewives of Dallas, Southern Charm, Outlander

I'm wishing I had re-read Dragonfly In Amber before the second season of Outlander began. Either there's a lot I don't remember or they are changing so many things. Still, I'm enjoying the ride, especially because Micha and I get to watch together after texting our way through the first season. 

Music:

Obsessed with: Atomic Number (Neko Case, k.d. lang, Laura Veirs), all things Lana Del Rey (perfect spring music), and Disturbed's cover of The Sound Of Silence- I've loved this band for years and this is an altogether different sound for them. 

Listen to the What I'm Into playlist.

Podcasts:

Terry Gross gave a great interview on The Longest Shortest Time about her decision not to have children, as well as the way she approached her career and marriage. I loved the way she framed her decision- more people would be wise to heed her advice. 

I finally listened to civil rights lawyer Michelle Alexander's interview on On Being and her stories and perspective blew me away. I started her book The New Jim Crow several months ago and have been pacing myself slowly, not because it's new information but because of how worked up I become over seeing the school to prison pipeline laid out so plainly. Her conversation with Krista Tippett is a must-listen.

Reply All's 3-part On The Inside was fascinating. I have hazy memories of the news surrounding the crime but I was young and had no idea about what might have happened. The story starts with a blog started in prison...

I was thrilled to go back on Sorta Awesome to talk about the Enneagram! Megan and I had a blast discussing listener questions on everything from wings and arrows to really figuring out your type. 

I am a HUGE fan of Glen Hansard so I was geeking out when he appeared on Off Camera with Sam Jones. I'm such a sucker for an Irish accent and his stories are truly a delight.

Padma Lakshmi came on Another Round and the result was fabulous. Listening made me want to rewatch every season of Top Chef. I really cannot wait to read her memoir Love, Loss, and What We Ate! 

Things I Love:

• I've gotten in the habit of ordering Chinese food from my favorite place almost every week. It is the best kind of comfort food!

• My old laptop has reached the end of the road so I made the switch to a MacBook. We're still figuring things out but I love how small and light it is. I also love having a laptop that is fast again!

• Work sent me to Phoenix for a conference, which enabled me to hang out with Kelley the night before. It was so fun to see her in her element!

• The Singleness Conference was AMAZING. I'm still processing what it meant to me, not because of the content so much but because it's the first time I felt fully seen and heard as a single person from a Christian stage. Really grateful to Fuller Seminary for putting it on. I hope they'll do it again next year- there's so much we can explore!

• My friend Christena Cleveland was one of the main speakers. She knocked it out of the park! It was great seeing her in action and getting to catch up with her.

• Chris, Micha, and I dined at Chez Panisse and it was the experience of a lifetime. I've wanted to go there for years and it exceeded my expectations. I don't like fish but I'd eat their salmon any day of the week- it turned out to be my favorite course! I'm so glad I got to share such a delightful meal with my housemates and dear friends. I'll never forget it!

• My team had an off-site meeting and it was good to recast the vision and scope of what we do. Plus, I really enjoy my coworkers so it was fun being out of the office together. And getting to eat pastries all morning and eat amazing Thai food for lunch. Plus happy hour.

• I met up with Sandy to talk about the funeral industry and end of life issues as he gets his startup running. It was a fascinating conversation that went down all kinds of bunny trails- my favorite kind. I'm really impressed with Better Place Forests. If you have any interest in cremation, do yourself a favor and look them up. 

• Micha and I went shopping at Good Byes, a high end consignment store. We both found fantastic pieces and I can't wait to go there again. Plus, it was fun to see more of the neighborhood.

• We hosted an event with Makoto Fujimura in support of his new book Silence and Beauty, which takes inspiration from one of my favorite novels Silence by Shusaku Endo. Such wonderful insights from an amazing artist.

• I went camping with Christy, Emily (and her son), and Laura in the Portola Redwoods. It was a quick getaway but we fit in a decent hike to the smallest waterfall I've ever seen. It felt good to be surrounded by giant trees and breathe in the fresh air. And of course, eat lots of s'mores at night. 

• We hosted a happy hour for our volunteers and it was fun to get them in a room and share about this past year. We couldn't do it without them! (If you're in the Bay Area, I highly recommend Bi-Rite Catering. Impressive and delicious!)

• My aunt and uncle came to town to visit my cousin. I adore them and hardly ever get to see them so this was a true treat. We started off with a trip to the recently reopened Museum of Modern Art. It is HUGE! We only made it about halfway through before we stopped being able to take in anything more. I definitely want to go back and see the rest. I was truly impressed with their collection and exhibits.

• Next we headed to The Stinking Rose for an early garlicky dinner. It's apparently a North Beach institution and the garlic braid strung across the ceiling proved it.

• We capped it off with a stop at City Lights Bookstore, home of the beat writers. The top floor is devoted to their writing and poetry! It was positively dreamy. I had to buy Angela Davis's new book. Afterward, we walked down Jack Kerouac Alley and I swooned some more.

• My whole office went to a Giants game last week- my first time there! We had lunch at Java House beforehand, then headed off to the stadium which surely has the best view. They beat the Padres. It was nice watching a game where I had no vested interest in the outcome.

• My coworker told me about Holy Gelato, which boasts 12 soy and coconut milk based gelatos. TWELVE! It is so hard to find good dairy-free desserts so this is a treasure trove. My friend Julie and I stopped by and I devoured Mexican Hot Chocolate and The Bomb.

• Book Club was fun as always! I think I'm especially funny when I'm around fellow book nerds.

• My friend Sharone came to town in support of her book (!) so I took her to Devil's Teeth for breakfast and she was sufficiently impressed with the best breakfast sandwich in the land. It was so good to catch up with her over all the things!

• Memorial Day weekend was just the kind of relaxing I needed- lots of time to read, write, and refresh. After lots of weekends away and a big event at work coming up, I've been in need of a good break.

In the Blogosphere:

Micha wrote an absolutely lovely piece about our single person-living-with-a-family experience. Living with them has been one of the best parts of living in SF, hands down. Hoping to write about it myself one of these days.

Favorite Instagram:

This is the magic and mystery of San Francisco: you're out shopping in the morning and run into this view while you're headed back to the car. #citylife #sf

(If you want to follow me on Instagram, my user name is leighkramer.)

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What I'm Into Link Up Guidelines:

1. Today’s link-up will stay open for one week. The next What I'm Into link up will be Friday July 1.  

2. Link the unique URL of your post, not your blog's home page. Readers peruse link ups months after the fact and you want to make it easy for them to find your What I'm Into post.

3. Please include the What I'm Into button or mention you're linking up with What I'm Into at Leigh Kramer.

4. Visit at least 2 other posts in the linkup!

What have you been into this month? 

Disclosure : Affiliate links included in this post.  If you click through, any purchase you make supports this site.