A few years ago I shared some of my favorite books on singleness. They all looked at singleness through the lens of Christianity. I always intended to write a follow up post with more of my favorites- particularly those for the general audience- but each year I've held off to read one more book that's been published. Books on marriage still far (far!) outweigh books on singleness but it seems like books on singleness are making more of a splash when they are published. I hope this trend continues!
All The Single Ladies: Unmarried Women and the Rise of an Independent Nation- Rebecca Traister
At the top of my Books I Gush Over list, you'll find this one. This is a remarkable undertaking, not only because of the scope of Traister's research and interviews but because of how well it's compiled together. She manages to validate a number of singles' experiences, while also acknowledging her shortcomings, namely the bulk of her examples are white women in their 30s and 40s in NYC. However, she does feature stories from Women Of Color, as well as drawing from research and other works. What I loved is how validated I felt as a single woman. There was good food for thought- I especially loved the chapters about cities and friendship. There's also pointed critiques of society and religion, which is much needed in this age of marginalization. You don't need to be single to gain insights from this book- in fact, I'd encourage everyone to read it. But if you are single, you'll walk away feeling heard and seen and maybe even inspired.
Bachelor Girl: The Secret History Of Single Women In The Twentieth Century- Betty Israel
This is a thorough social history of single women, particularly in the United States and primarily white, and how their plight has changed over the years. The way Israel depicts the stigma single women faced in each particular era and the ways this stigma plays out still to this day is equally fascinating and horrifying. It made me grateful to be single now instead of then, even though singleness today is not without its own challenges. (This also highlights the need for books focusing on single women of color.)
Going Solo: The Extraordinary Rise and Surprising Appeal of Living Alone- Eric Klinenberg
Well researched look at the benefits of living alone, as well as societal bias against it. Klinenberg raises great questions about aging alone and the way legislation and health care is currently structured. The research is especially worth taking a look at. Keen minds will recognize Klinenberg as Aziz Ansari's coauthor for Modern Romance. (See below.)
Singled Out: How Singles Are Stereotyped, Stigmatized, and Ignored, and Still Live Happily Ever After- Bella DePaulo
A fascinating and fair portrayal of the benefits of singleness, along with helpful critique of marriage and happiness studies. Ahem, married people are not more happier than singles, despite what poorly conducted and widely disseminated research says. DePaulo doesn't spend much time discussing her own singleness and very little time addressing singles who would like to be married. That weakened some of her argument for me but I still recommend this to anyone interested in the topic.
Spinster: Making A Life Of One's Own- Kate Bolick
Spinster is an exploration of singleness as the culmination, not the interim of life. Full of sound insights and observations, Bolick believes singleness is to be celebrated. It is enough in and of itself. But we have hardly any examples of what the fulfilling single life looks like. Part memoir, part biography, and part social science, Bolick considers her relationships and her resistance to marriage, while envisioning a fulfilling single life.
Woven through Bolick's own story are profiles of her 5 Awakeners: columnist Neith Boyce, essayist Maeve Brennan, social visionary Charlotte Perkins Gilman, poet Edna St. Vincent Millay, and novelist Edith Wharton. These women became her guides to what the single life could be about. As I read about each Awakener, it became clear why Bolick was drawn to them and what lessons they could teach her. Almost all of these women married at some point and then divorced, which seemed fitting for her fear of commitment. However, I could not relate to them, nor did I agree with many of Bolick's choices. While Bolick's life choices are very different from my own, I did relate to her quest for mentors and guides, as well as external affirmation of her decision to remain single, both of which resonated with me. (Full review here.)
It's Not You: 27 (Wrong) Reasons You're Single- Sara Eckle
This book would have been so helpful to read in my early to mid-20s. I've worked through most of these "reasons" already but it was a helpful affirmation of where I'm at now. I like how Eckel wove in Buddhist philosophies and championed mindfulness- it made the book stand out from others along those lines.
Modern Romance- Aziz Ansari and Eric Klinenberg
Modern Romance is specific to dating but it has great insights on relationships in general. They did an impressive amount of interviews and research and the findings mostly resonated with my experience. Non-singles will also benefit from reading it for the exploration of how technology affects our relationships.
Coming up tomorrow: my favorite memoirs about singleness and dating.
What are your favorite books on singleness?
Disclosure : Affiliate links included in this post. If you click through, any purchase you make supports this site.
