The Comfort Food Diaries: My Quest For The Perfect Dish To Mend A Broken Heart - Emily Nunn

My Review - 5 Stars

Given the premise of Emily Nunn's food memoir, I was pretty sure I was going to like it. Then I came upon this passage and I knew I was going to love it:

"Despite my dive into the mysteries of comfort food, my plans were not suddenly tied up in a neat bow. And unlike what you might expect from a story like this, I didn't have a road map for the next year of my life, a rock-solid timeline, or an uncharacteristically smart but rustic man hovering in the wings to make my life happy and perfect again. The truth was that I had absolutely no idea what I was going to do with the rest of my life, except in the short term. And even the short-term was sketchy." p. 62

Emily Nunn is my kind of people.

In the course of her memoir, we see her do the good and hard work of becoming sober, of processing her complicated and often toxic family dynamics, of grieving, of figuring out just who she is. It is not always neat or pretty but it is an honest account of someone taking stock of their life and doing their best to become healthier and stronger. It's worth reading for that alone.

Emily grew up in Galax, VA with two brothers and two sisters. Her parents ultimately divorced and her dad was not very involved with the family afterward. She moved to New York where she covered theater and wrote the original Tables for Two column for the New Yorker before taking a restaurant column job at the Chicago Tribune. Once in Chicago, she met the Engineer, who would become her fiancé, and his 7 year old daughter.

In so many ways, it seemed like Emily had an ideal life. But there were cracks along the surface and they shatter after her brother Oliver died by suicide. Shortly after Oliver's death, the Engineer breaks off their engagement and as Emily had become a stay at home stepmother of sorts, she has to figure out employment and housing. All while recognizing she was an alcoholic, like Oliver was.

After seeking treatment for her alcoholism, this ultimately launches a year or so of staying with different friends around the country, freelancing, and figuring out what she should do with her life and how things got this bad. One friend quips it'll be her comfort food tour. Everywhere Emily stays, she and her friends or family discuss the idea of comfort food. They make favorite recipes for each other. They consider what makes comfort food comforting and why we turn to it when we're in distress or need to celebrate. (One smart person raised the idea of why we associate comfort food with sad things when food is also an important part of many of our happiest moments.)

It made me think about the role of comfort food in such unexpected ways, going beyond my go-to choices. It was interesting to consider what we cook for people when they're in distress and how it's formed by our own ideas of comfort, as well as how "the things people truly need from us at the very worst times in their lives are often much smaller than what we try to give them" (p. 24.)

While Emily has a complicated relationship with her immediate family, her cousin, aunt, and uncle shower her with love and affection and open up their homes to her for extended periods of time. I loved these relatives for being stable presences and for the way they nurtured Emily. I loved how they showed her it's possible to be part of a stable, loving family. 

As Emily visits her relatives and reconnects with old friends from college and tries to settle somewhere, her relationship with food evolves. Early on she notes how she cooked to show people how much she loved them or to make them love her. But as she's putting the pieces of her life back together and people give to her when she has little or nothing to give in return, she realizes she has to let people take care of her for a while. In the process of allowing people to love her unconditionally, she becomes more of who she truly is. The contrast between her past relationships and the ones she encounters after Oliver's death was truly striking and I ached over what she'd gone through and settled for.

"I felt uncomfortable about taking so much, having given so little. And it would be a long time before I could repay them. Or anybody...But they gave me all this generous comfort so freely, so happily, that I just decided to sink into it; outside, the birds were singing and inside, the dogs were nuzzling their noses on my leg, the signal for me to drop something into their mouths." p. 173

The Comfort Food Diaries is beautifully written. I'm adding it to my list of favorite food memoirs. Nunn thoughtfully weaves in recipes from her travels and there are many I can't wait to try. The food and her history complement one another and I was truly impressed with her ability to unspool her story in such a seamless way. It may be her Southern heritage but Nunn knows how to tell a story, that's for sure.

More than that, I'm glad I read a story about someone who doesn't have it all together, who is still figuring things out. That's where I find myself these days and I am grateful whenever I encounter someone who doesn't have the next chapter of their life thoroughly outlined and annotated. (I'm not entirely sure how old Nunn was during these events but I'd estimate late 30s or early 40s. She truly is my people.) 

As I write this review, I have a mug of breakfast tea by my side and a plate with some of the No-Knead bread I made the other day. I'm contemplating beef stew or green curry chicken for dinner. These are my go-tos when life doesn't quite make sense and there's something healing about kneading and chopping and stirring, whether I'm only feeding myself or sharing with others. 

I was raised in a family that welcomed others to the table and who brought meals to people who were sick or grieving. I've done my best to carry on those traditions, though not as well in recent years due to my own big moves and the hazards of making a new state your own. But perhaps this break in hostessing will have served me well. I've learned a lot about what comforts me and, more importantly, how to be there for others during this time and the lessons I've learned from this memoir will only add to that knowledge.

Food can't fully mend a broken heart but when someone shows up with a dish or a beverage in our time of need, something does start to knit us back together. If only because that person's presence tells us they see us. We're not alone. We're enough. We'll get through this.

"Food has become my touchstone for understanding what real love is. The best thing? Food makes it easier to give love, untangled. Since it keeps us alive, the smallest, simplest gesture can seem miraculous: I brought you this soup." p. 303 

Another favorite quote: 

"Luckily, I had figured out that life was not a banquet at all but a potluck. A party celebrating nothing but the desire to be together, where everyone brings what they have, what they are able to at any given time, and it is accepted with equal love and equanimity. You can arrive with hot dogs because you are just too tired or too poor to bring anything else, or you can bring the fancier, most elaborate dish in the world, and plenty of it, to share with people who brought the three-bean salad they clearly got at the grocery store. People do the best they can, at any given time. That's the thing to remember." p. 300

Buy The Book Here:

Amazon | Barnes & Noble

Disclosure: I received an ARC from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. Affiliate links included in this post. 

Girls Made Of Snow And Glass- Melissa Bashardoust

My Review - 5 Stars

Tell me a book is a fairy tale retelling and I will want to get my hands on it immediately. Tell me it's about Snow White and I'll want to read it that much more, if only because it doesn't seem to be as popular of fodder as other fairy tales. I can only think of one other Snow White retelling I've read and given how many retellings I've read over the years, that's pretty sad.

Retellings can go in many directions but the best make it entirely their own. Such is the case with Girls Made Of Snow And Glass. 

Bashardoust gives us the outlines of the Snow White story but reinvents the details and we are left with a stunning, magical tale, one which centers the female characters and their relationships. In fact, most of the male characters in this story creeped me out and for good reason. 

In this version of Snow White, Mina is the wicked stepmother and Lynet is Snow White. Lynet adores her stepmother from the start, having been deprived of most relationships outside of her father. Mina doesn't really know what to do with Lynet at first but the two come to find their own rhythms and routine. This changes when Lynet grows older and societal forces begin to pit the two women against each other. The whole while the story asks us to consider who we know ourselves to be versus what others believe is true of us. The actions we take from this knowledge can drive our lives in different directions and that is precisely what happens to Mina and Lynet.

Take everything you know about Snow White's tale and throw it out the window because while the outline is there, this story is best experienced blind, each twist and turn becoming a revelation. My heart broke for both Mina and Lynet, for the ways they were limited by virtue of being women and for the ways people failed them and they failed themselves. I wanted Mina to make better choices and to experience the power of unconditional love. I wanted Lynet to grow a backbone and take charge of her life and decisions. I wanted them to find a way forward together.

See? Not your average Snow White story.

The magic elements were fascinating and served the plot well. I liked what it said about power and strength and the wisdom to know the difference. Bashardoust emphasizes some really important messages about women: that women are more than their parents' mistakes, more than society's limitations, more than shallow understandings of what beauty is. Mina and Lynet wrestle with these ideas in different ways but one of my most favorite was Lynet's burgeoning understanding of her sexuality. Instead of a prince, Lynet falls in love with a visiting female doctor and this leads to some of the sweetest, most tender moments in the story. 

But the best moments were the scenes with Lynet and Mina. Their relationship is the driving force and we are never certain whether the characters will believe the best or worst about each other as we come toward the end.

Over and over we see how everyone deserves to be loved. The question is are we willing to accept that love? And what will we do to show our love for others? 

I couldn't put this one down and I'm so glad the story swept me away. 

Synopsis

Frozen meets The Bloody Chamber in this feminist fantasy reimagining of the Snow White fairytale

At sixteen, Mina's mother is dead, her magician father is vicious, and her silent heart has never beat with love for anyone—has never beat at all, in fact, but she’d always thought that fact normal. She never guessed that her father cut out her heart and replaced it with one of glass. When she moves to Whitespring Castle and sees its king for the first time, Mina forms a plan: win the king’s heart with her beauty, become queen, and finally know love. The only catch is that she’ll have to become a stepmother.

Fifteen-year-old Lynet looks just like her late mother, and one day she discovers why: a magician created her out of snow in the dead queen’s image, at her father’s order. But despite being the dead queen made flesh, Lynet would rather be like her fierce and regal stepmother, Mina. She gets her wish when her father makes Lynet queen of the southern territories, displacing Mina. Now Mina is starting to look at Lynet with something like hatred, and Lynet must decide what to do—and who to be—to win back the only mother she’s ever known…or else defeat her once and for all.

Entwining the stories of both Lynet and Mina in the past and present, Girls Made of Snow and Glass traces the relationship of two young women doomed to be rivals from the start. Only one can win all, while the other must lose everything—unless both can find a way to reshape themselves and their story.

Buy The Book Here:

Amazon | Barnes & Noble

Disclosure: I received an ARC from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. Affiliate links included in this post.

Prior Lake 

August, I'm not sure I liked you very much. There's a lot I don't write about publicly but suffice it to say my stress level is at an all-time high. If that wasn't enough, we've had the threat of an attack from North Korea, the evil of white supremacists in Charlottesville (and the white folks still somehow rationalizing it away), and the devastation of Hurricane Harvey in Texas. It's enough to make me want to bury myself under a mountain of books and never come back out. But that would be the luxury of privilege so I'm figuring out where and how to stand with my community. 

In times like these, writing a What I'm Into post can seem trite or silly. I have come to find these posts serve as a touchstone, reminding me no matter what difficulties I face in my personal life or the world experiences, there are good moments as well. Sometimes it's hard to find the silver linings and they don't always balance out the hardships but all hope it not lost. We're making our way. I believe this much is true.

Read and Reading

Eleanor Oliphant Is Completely Fine (Honeyman) cracked my heart right open. I haven't encountered a character like Eleanor Oliphant in a long time. She lacks emotional intelligence, keeping to herself at work and living an otherwise solitary life. It was painful to read in places, seeing just how unaware she is of her social ineptitude. Then there's the glimpses of something tragic in her past, something that might explain why Eleanor is the way she is. In spite of all this, I could not help but root for Eleanor. I wanted her to wake up to the beautiful world around her and to heal from whatever happened to her. Eleanor is the kind of character that demands a response. I laughed, I cried, I groaned, and I might have even cheered out loud for her. Cannot confirm or deny. Gail Honeyman packed a punch with this novel. It's the best novel I've read so far this year and that's saying something, given the amazing novels I've already read. 

The Animators (Whitaker) is a beautiful, haunting, and bittersweet portrayal of friendship. Sharon and Mel's friendship is singularly unique. It is co-dependent and hard and wonderful in the way I imagine many friendships are when it is also mingled with partnership at work. The plot was fresh and unexpected. I simply could not have guessed the places Whitaker would take these characters, which never failed to elicit a big reaction from me. Like I'd gasp out loud or shake my head or simply tear up. It was tough to read in places because of how heartbreaking it could be. It reflected how gritty life can be, as well how complicated family dynamics can be. It was hard to see the way we can wound the people we love best. Sharon was not the easiest to read about either because of her passivity and ability to deny the truth in front of her. It's the kind of character that usually drives me crazy but there was something so compelling about her and about Mel as well. I could not look away. But there was something so raw about her relationship with Mel and what they brought out in each other. As much as I wanted them to be more honest with each other, especially as certain developments arose, I understood the tenuousness that can occur with someone who has known you for ages and yet maybe doesn't fully know you now. It's subtle but the way this played out through the story had me holding my breath. I wanted to root for Sharon. I wanted to watch her grow and while it took some getting there, the payoff was worth it. I'll be reflecting on this one for some time to come. This would be perfect for book clubs.

An Extraordinary Union (Cole) may be the only Civil War book/series I'll happily read and recommend. It's written by a woman of color and the heroine is a freed woman posing as a slave in order to spy for the Union army who is drawn to the white man posing as a Confederate soldier who is also a spy for the Union. That was enough to convince me to give this historical romance a chance and I'm so glad I did. Elle is based on a real person and I loved getting to experience this time period through her eyes.

Who Thought This Was a Good Idea?: And Other Questions You Should Have Answers to When You Work in the White House (Mastromonaco) is an enjoyable behind the scenes look at Obama's presidency, as well as his stint as senator. I learned a lot about just how campaigns are run and the many people- and details- that go into it. I'm truly impressed with what Mastromonaco was able to accomplish and that she stayed in politics for as long as she did. She also has some wonderful career advice blended into this memoir, some of which I wish I'd heard when I first started my career as a social worker but still comes in handy now as I head in other directions.

There was so much I loved about What To Say Next. Julie Buxbaum has an uncanny ability to write books about teenagers and hard situations that are compulsively readable. There were certainly moments when my heart ached for the characters but the majority of the novel, I read with a smile on my face. That's a gift! David and Kit were such compelling characters, particularly David whom we learn has Asperger's (although he also sets the record straight since Asperger's has been folded into the Autism spectrum in the DSM-V and is no longer a diagnosis.) Along with grief, Buxbaum also delves into cyberbullying and this section of the book made me so glad social media wasn't around when I was in high school. David and Kit give so much to each other and it was wonderful to see them become friends and then something more. There are two major things that happen toward the end that caught me off guard, one of which was a bold plot choice and I'm not sure if the threads were there throughout the novel to support it. But it propelled us to some resolution and I liked where we landed overall. Not quite as good as Tell Me Three Things but it had everything I love about Julie Buxbaum's work. 

You can see all the books I've read at Goodreads. 

Currently reading: The New Jim Crow: Mass Incarceration in the Age of Colorblindness (Alexander), Write Naked: A Bestseller's Secrets to Writing Romance and Navigating the Path to Success (Probst), Milk And Honey (Kaur), The Chronicles Of Harris Burdick (Van Allsburg), The Alice Network (Quinn), The Reporter's Kitchen (Kramer), The Queen And The Cure (Harmon)

Music:

New discovery: Natalie Taylor

Listen to the What I'm Into playlist.

TV

So You Think You Can Dance is my bright spot on Monday evenings. I'm rooting for Logan, Koine, Lex, and Mark but the whole crew is so great.

Podcasts:

An important episode to listen to in light of recent protests: Armed Militias and The New Protest Landscape on Fresh Air.

I was fasciated by This American Life's We Are In The Future. I didn't know much about Afrofuturism before listening but it filled me with hope and I'm not even the movement's target audience.

I listened to seasons 1 and 2 of Revisionist History and it absolutely blew me away. I had listened to one episode in July, which was enough to convince me to binge my way through the rest. Well worth listening to and particularly timely given current events.

I finished the archives of How To Be Amazing with Michael Ian Black. Favorites from those episodes: Harlan Coben (a must-listen for writers!), Valerie Plame, Dan Savage, Audra McDonald, Baratunde Thurston.

Code Switch: The Unfinished Battle In The Capital Of The Confederacy.

How I Built This is a new discovery. I've been struck by just how much luck is involved in most of the founders' success. At any point, their businesses could have failed but they didn't. Favorite episodes: Instagram: Kevin Systrom & Mike Krieger, Samuel Adams: Jim Koch, Southwest Airlines: Herb Kelleher, Drybar: Alli Webb.

Highlights:  

• Lunch at Pizza Luce with Claire. We didn't have nearly enough time to talk but my beloved muffuletta sandwich hit the spot.

•  I started volunteering at the library!!! This has been the best thing. I volunteer for two hours once a week at the branch by my house and those hours fly by. It shouldn't be as much fun as it is- after all, I'm just shelving books and finding the ones people have reserved- but I suppose it's further proof of why I want to work there. It feels good to be in my element and give back to my community.

• A few months ago I discovered Nature's Bakery Fig Bars, which are dairy-free breakfast bars. They are seriously so good! Strawberry, blueberry, and raspberry are my favorite flavors. They also have a brownie version, which makes for an excellent dessert.

• Kelly and I went to a farmers market and then had breakfast at L'Etoile du Nord, which is the most darling place. They gave me a giant mug for my tea and the food was amazing.

• Then Kelly drove us across St. Croix Crossing, a brand new bridge which connects Oak Park Heights, MN and St. Joseph, WI. The project was apparently a long time coming. I loved the design and never would have guessed it hadn't been there for years because of how seamlessly it integrated with the landscape. 

• I somehow amassed $300 in credit for Stitch Fix (did everyone sign up ages ago and get their first fix at the same time?!) this month so I requested my first Fix in about a year and a half. They sent me two amazing shirts (the other 3 items didn't work out for various reasons) so I requested another Fix for next month. Thanks to everyone who used my referral link!

• I got to spend time at my friend Chris Ann's new home on the lake. It is so beautiful out there and I had fun going out on the boat and then tucking into an amazing meal cooked by her husband. So great to have a night catching up with Kelly, Chris Ann, and her family.

• I went back to my pixie cut! It's not exactly the same as the haircut that started it all 4 years ago but it is just as sassy. I've enjoyed playing around with the length and having a "longer" shorter cut the past year but it feels good to have it be really short again.

• I didn't get to go outside for the solar eclipse- I was at work and it was actually cloudy and rainy that day- but I watched it on NASA's website which was pretty neat.

• I took care of Hermione the kitten again and it was so lovely to have her purring next to me whenever I was home. She's such a sweetie.

• This refrigerator pickle recipe.

• I've been hard at work on manuscript revisions. My goal was to have it finished by the end of this month and I'm not quite there but I am making good progress and hope to finish it this weekend. Then it'll be back to my editor for one more round and I'll have to start figuring this whole self-publishing thing out. Yay!

• The particular shades of pink and orange of the sunrises I've seen on the way to work the past few weeks.

Favorite Instagram:

 
I love my library.

(If you want to follow me on Instagram, my user name is leighkramer.)

On The Blog:

I've been weary and this could have been the proverbial last straw But I Wasn't Alone.  

Book reviews: The Dream Keeper's Daughter, Beard In Mind, The One That Got Away 

What I'm Into Link Up Guidelines:

1. Today’s link-up will stay open for one week. The next What I'm Into link up will be Monday October 2. 

2. Link the unique URL of your post, not your blog's home page. Readers peruse link ups months after the fact and you want to make it easy for them to find your What I'm Into post.

3. Please include the What I'm Into button or mention you're linking up with What I'm Into at Leigh Kramer.

4. Visit at least 2 other posts in the linkup!

What have you been into this month? 

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