This past weekend I attended my friend Thomas Wegner's 7th Annual Books & Bottles Party. Here’s how it works: everyone brings a copy of a book they love and a bottle of alcohol. From the paper chain decor (made from a VC Andrews novel!) to the room filled with book lovers, I was amazed by every aspect of this bookish party. 

It's an idea that needs to spread far and wide.

The world needs more literary-inspired parties!

Stay tuned for my interview with Thomas about the party's origin at the end of this post.

How To Host A Books & Bottles Party

The beauty of this party is how easily you can customize it.

Don't drink alcohol? Call your party Books And Beverages and have people bring their favorite tea, hot chocolate, or coffee to share. Interested in a particular genre? Instruct people to bring their favorite romance, mystery, etc.

The possibilities are endless.

The guests 

Figure out how many people your place can hold. We had just under 30 people at Thomas's house and thanks to double tier seating behind the couch, we made it work. Much more than that would have been complicated. 

As far as who to invite, there are a couple of ways to go about this. Most people have a favorite book so start with your circle of friends. Or invite your book-loving friends. You can ask someone to be your co-host and you can both extend invitations.

I only knew Thomas and Sarah at this party and as an introvert, I was a little nervous. But I trusted I would enjoy getting to know their friends, especially since this was a book-loving crowd and I was right. There were  a number of first timers there and the eclectic collection of people made for fascinating conversation. 

The decor

Thomas and Sarah made paper chains out of a VC Andrews book and strung them up around the house. (Check out Thomas's and Sarah's Instagram accounts if you want to see how they did it.)

Of course, you don't have to put up decorations if you don't want to or don't have time. But should you feel inspired, there are plenty of book crafts out there.

The food and drinks

In addition to asking guests to bring a bottle of alcohol, Thomas whipped up a signature whiskey cocktail for the evening. There were mixers, pop, and water as well.

Food-wise, there was a great assortment of snacks, ranging from cheese and crackers to fruit to chips and dip. Plus dessert! Sarah added small signs with the name of the dish and whether they were allergy-friendly. There's no reason you couldn't make this a potluck. 

The prizes 

Totally optional but what a crowd pleaser! While people were mixing and mingling, Thomas would occasionally call for a prize round. For example, he said he was looking for three writers and gave the prize to the first three hands that shot up. One of those hands was mine and in this case, we each got a journal. 

The prizes were random, as were the categories, and they were a nice way to break up the first part of the evening. Plus, it gave Thomas a chance to brush off his showman skills.

The swap

At the start of the party, everyone wrote their name on a piece of paper and then put it in a bowl. 

One person volunteered to go first and introduced their book. We were instructed to speak for only 42 seconds and most people kept their comments relatively brief. Then they picked a name from a bowl and that’s who got the book. We then continued around the circle.

There was so much love in that room. Everyone was genuinely interested in hearing about the books people had brought and what they meant to them. Some books were crowd pleasers, like when Shelby talked about Neil Gaiman's Stardust. Others no one had heard about before. There were art books, memoirs, fiction, and self-help. It was a great mix!

A volunteer wrote down the titles and authors of what people had brought.

I received a copy of River Town, a memoir by a Peace Corps volunteer set in China. I'm not familiar with it but based on what was shared and reading reviews online, I'm excited to read it.

I brought my all-time favorite novel A Prayer For Owen Meany. I talked about John Irving's gift of creating characters. I might have said Owen Meany is not only Irving's best character but also one of the best characters in all of literature. Yep. I stand by that claim. 

After the last book was given, Thomas said people had the option to trade books if someone had wound up with one they really, really wanted. I'm not sure if anyone took him up on that. Most people seemed pretty happy with what they got. 

It was such a fun night!

Interview With Thomas Wegner

I asked Thomas a few questions about the origin and evolution of Books & Bottles. Be sure to check out MakeRoom and follow him on Instagram.

How did you first come up with the idea for Books & Bottles?

I was introduced to the idea by a friend of mine on the West Coast. He originally hosted the party each year as a ‘13^th night’ (the day after the traditional celebration where in the 12 days of Christmas are celebrated with the first day starting on December 25^th). He felt gathering friends, after the rush of the holidays were over, for a casual, easy-to-host party that brought people together to share some of their favorite literature was a great idea. I remember thinking at that first party how engaging the event was; how much fun it was for people to take a moment and talk about a book that had really touched them.

It was many years after I attended his party that I started hosting my own - maybe as much as a decade had passed - but it always remained in my mind. I never forgot it and in fact remembered fondly how much fun it was. I knew when the time was right, I would try hosting it.

The first year I hosted it the event was rather small but also very popular. I throw parties often but that first party was different. Even though I invited only a few people, all of them enthusiastically accepted the invitation and they all showed up. The turn out rate was very high and I knew then I had something people loved.

How has the party changed or grown over the years?

At that first party I had just moved to the community and I didn’t know a lot of people. I recall inviting everyone I had recently met. The party was a smaller but what we lacked for in size we made up for in enthusiasm. People were eager to get the discussion and exchange part of the evening started and it quickly became a lively discussion of all of these favorite books.

Since that first year, I have met many more people and while the crowd ebbs and flows a bit from year to year, old friends returning and new faces attending, I have gotten particular about who I invite. Because there is a focused program, I have to keep in mind the number of people. If you have too many people the discussion and book exchange can take a very long time!  We have to manage simple things like having enough seating for everyone to sit together in a circle and being able to hear each other.

What's the key(s) to having a great Books & Bottles party?

Inviting friends who are what I think of as ‘real readers’. What I mean is most everyone reads something or another but not everyone reads and really cherishes books. If people show up with books they casually read or don’t have much attachment to then you get an exchange that lacks a bit of passion. However, if everyone brings a book they have read and really love then you get a more lively and meaningful exchange. Some people bring books that have changed their lives or opinions for the better.  Others bring books that moved them in a special way or that they recall fondly from their youth.  Perhaps they bring a novel they really love because they can relate to the character. In all of these examples you end up with someone else’s amazing book. In a way, you end up with a part of them or at the least you have gotten to know that person better.

The other key to having a great B&B is some bottles of drinks. This may sound funny but I truly believe it. I personally try to offer a couple of drinks to my guests as quickly as possible. This helps everyone to loosen up, mingle, laugh and chat with each other. It may also help relieve any nerves someone might have about giving a small speech later about their book. And let’s face it, some people are sharing books that come from a very personal and sometimes vulnerable place for them.

Any advice for someone who would like to host their own Books & Bottles party?

Hosting a B&B party is a wonderful thing to do and its actually a pretty simple party to throw. I’d say to not be afraid to take the extra time and explain to guests ahead of time that they have to do a bit of homework for the party. This is not just a show up sort of affair. People have to put some time into thinking about what book they will bring, getting a copy of that book and be ready to share why it is they love it so much. In reality this may mean some people may be turned off from attending, but in the end, that may be okay as those who do attend will be a self-selected group and they are sure to love it.

Disclosure: Affiliate links included in this post.

With The End In Mind: Dying, Death, and Wisdom in the Age of Denial - Kathryn Mannix

My Review - 4 Stars

Why do we struggle to talk about death and dying?

This is a question I’ve often asked myself in the past 15 or so years. Because my maternal grandparents were both one of thirteen children, I grew up in a large extended family and, as such, I grew up going to funerals. I learned how to mourn from my relatives and how to have hard conversations. It was a sad part of life. But it was part of life.

When I started my first fieldwork placement at hospice as a social work intern, it quickly became clear I had an unusual upbringing compared to many of my patients and their families. Many were not as well-versed in talking through these issues. From the fieldwork placement, I went on to be a hospice social worker and child and teen bereavement specialist.

My mantra became “hope for today, plan for the future.” Yes, we can hope that this decline will reverse but we can make things easier on ourselves and our loved ones by discussing advanced directives and funeral plans now.

Kathryn Mannix and I have a lot in common in this regard. Mannix is a palliative care and hospice doctor in the UK. I was particularly fascinated that she founded the UK’s first palliative care cognitive behavior therapy (CBT) clinic. I love the idea of using CBT in this context!

Mannix’s goal with this book is both to promote conversation about dying and to show that those who are dying are still living. This often surprised people when I still worked for hospice, that there was so much light and laughter in my days. Yes, there were sad, hard, and frustrating days- how could there not be?- but more often than not, my days were filled with life.

Mannix shares stories to illustrate what happens when people are dying and at various stages, as well as people’s reactions to their or their loved one’s decline. She shares stories from early on in her career when she was a student on up to the present. She doesn’t always get it right and I appreciate how she owned up to her mistakes and learned from them. This helps us learn too. She also shares how her colleagues helped her improve her practice.

This could simply be a collection of stories but Mannix also includes questions at the end of each section. These are questions to think through and then to discuss with family. You’re able to follow the process modeled by Mannix and her team.

French Resistance included one of the best, most compassionate descriptions of the dying process I’ve ever encountered. Mannix observes her trainer walking a patient through it at the new hospice. “Few have seen a death. Most imagine dying to be agonizing and undignified. We can help them to know that we do not see that, and that they need not fear that their families will see something terrible.” p. 30

Talking About The Unmentionable is about how to talk to children about death and dying, whether it’s due to pets or relatives. It helps normalize the idea of death and shows the importance of our need to grieve our loved ones, plus details about what children understand at various ages.

Last Waltz was about death of Mannix’s 99 yo grandmother. I especially appreciated her insights on how waiting is not a passive experience when it comes to our loved ones who are declining. She notes how this loss made her a “better servant” to patients’ families and more patient with repeated requests for her to make sure their loves weren’t in discomfort or distress.

There are two chapters that puzzled me. Wrecking Ball may need a trigger warning. The description of the death might shock or be disturbing to some and the caution does not come until the end of the chapter. While it’s a good example of an unanticipated death, proceed with caution.

Please Release Me - B side, is an odd chapter loosely about euthanasia. The patient was originally from the Netherlands where it’s legal but he came to England instead where he went on hospice. Euthanasia is a complex issue and I felt she did it a disservice with her commentary. We don’t know whether hospice exists there, what the cultural understanding of death is, or whether the patient's account was biased. Don’t take this to mean I’m advocating for euthanasia. But it requires more nuance than we were given in this chapter.

Overall, this is a solid resource on end of life issues, whether you’re a family member facing the loss of a loved one or someone who has worked in hospice for years. The stories are often heartwarming and beautiful and even the hard ones illustrate some aspect of death and life we need to better understand.

Synopsis

Through stories from her own practice, a palliative care doctor takes the reader on a journey through dying.

Modern medical technology is allowing us to live longer and fuller lives than ever before. And for the most part, that is good news. But with changes in the way we understand medicine come changes in the way we understand death. Once a familiar and gentle process, death has come to be something from which we shy away, preferring to fight it desperately than to accept its inevitability. Palliative care has a long tradition in Britain, where Dr. Kathryn Mannix has practiced it for 30 years. In this book, she shares beautifully crafted stories from a lifetime of caring for the dying. With insightful meditations on life, death, and the space between them, With the End in Mind describes the possibility of meeting death gently, with forethought and preparation, and shows the unexpected beauty, dignity, and profound humanity of life coming to an end.

Buy The Book Here:

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Disclosure: I received an ARC from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. Affiliate links included in this post.

Tell Me More: Stories about the 12 Hardest Things I'm Learning to Say - Kelly Corrigan

My Review - 5 Stars

The author's chapter titled Yes is a list of things she will always say yes to. One of the items on my Yes list? Reading Kelly Corrigan's books. 

I am now three for three with loving her books. I can't remember how I came across her memoir The Middle Place a few years ago but it was a revelation, as was its follow-up Glitter And Glue.

I didn't even need to know what Tell Me More was about before I requested an advance copy. I knew I'd love it and I was right.

Kelly Corrigan's writing never ceases to amaze me. Tell Me More is structured differently from her memoirs but we still get her excellent storytelling. There were a few chapters where I wasn't quite sure where her stories were going or how they connected to the chapter's phrase. But she always, always brought it home.

True to form, I laughed out loud and I teared up. Her writing can be so moving and especially when paired with the lessons she's learned.

I'd finish reading the chapter and sit back a little, taking it in, thinking through how it applied to my life. I think that's the point of reading Tell Me More. It's giving us a chance to consider what things we need to say to the people around us. 

When I worked for hospice, we'd often reference the five things you should say before you die: thank you, I love you, I’m sorry, please forgive me, and goodbye. I thought about this as I looked at Corrigan's twelve phrases. There's very little overlap and yet the two lists partner well together. 

Onward was one of my favorite chapters. It includes one of the best metaphors about grief and loss I've ever encountered. Corrigan quotes her friend Andy's eulogy for his wife and her best friend Liz. The book is worth reading for that alone.

But honestly, this is a book that's just plain worth reading. Corrigan is relatable. She's not perfect. She doesn't have it all figured out and in that vein, she invites us to come alongside and learn with her. This is a book I want to refer back to for when I'm in a sticky situation or I'm not sure what to say or I need to improve my communication skills with loved ones.

If you hear me saying, "tell me more" or "it's like this" a lot more, you'll know why.

Synopsis

A warm, insightful look at the twelve phrases that strengthen and sustain our relationships, from the New York Timesbestselling author of Glitter and Glue and The Middle Place

"The poet laureate of the ordinary."--The Huffington Post

In "I Don't Know," Corrigan wrestles to make peace with uncertainty, whether it's over expected invitations that never come or a friend's agonizing infertility. In "No," she admires her mother's ability to set boundaries, her liberating willingness to be unpopular. In "Tell Me More," she learns something important about listening from a facialist named Tish. And in "I Was Wrong," she comes clean about her disastrous role in a family fight--and explains why saying sorry may not be enough. With refreshing candor, a deep well of empathy, and her signature desire to understand "the thing behind the thing," Corrigan swings in this insightful book between meditations on life with a preoccupied husband and two mercurial teenage daughters to profound observations on love and loss.

In channeling the characteristically streetwise, ever-relatable voice that has defined Corrigan's work, Tell Me More is a meaningful, touching take on the power of the right words at the right moment to change everything.

Buy The Book Here:

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Disclosure: I received an ARC from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. Affiliate links included in this post.

The Girl In The Tower (Winternight Trilogy #2) - Katherine Arden

My Review - 5 Stars

Vasya is stuck between a rock and a hard place. She has few options, at least none that she’d want. She decides to flee, instead of settling for marriage or becoming a nun, and finds herself at the door of the frost demon’s home.

Morozco, the frost demon, is one of my favorite parts of this series. Can you fall for a frost demon? All I know is I sure have. He is limited by his role and his immortality and even magic itself but something about Vasya stirs feelings in him and I loved how he wrestles with this.

This book marks a new aspect to Vasya’s relationship to him. Whereas they danced around a possible romance in The Bear And The Nightingale (which you must read first), here they start to explore it. But what hope of a future can a girl and a frost demon have together? Once winter ends, he’ll go away until it returns. And anyway, Vasya wants adventure and freedom. No matter her confused feelings about Morozco, she sees marriage as something that will chain her down.

Understandably so. This second book makes it even more clear how limited the options are for girls and women, especially in Moscow. There’s no hiding from the sexism and misogyny that permeates the culture and whereas most people say, “this is just the way it is,” Vasya refuses to accept it. She wants to travel and explore and to have a future of her own determination. She takes more and more ownership of her life and in the process, she gains a better understanding of who she is and what her gifts are.

Morozco advises her to disguise herself as a boy while traveling so she’ll stay safe and this leads to the kind of adventures and battles she’d never even imagined. She is ultimately reunited with her brother and sister, who are scandalized by her disguise even if they admire what she was able to accomplish. But she’s still expected to toe the line, no matter the troubles surrounding the Grand Prince of Moscow or how she can help. This was so frustrating to see! I wanted Vasya to get the recognition and admiration she deserved, not in spite of being a girl but because of it.

I really enjoyed The Bear And The Nightingale but Girl In The Tower exceeded my hopes for where Arden would take her story. Vasya and Morozco are such compelling characters in and of themselves. Neither can be fully contained, albeit for different reasons, and Vasya’s burgeoning awareness of her strengths and abilities was marvelous. I loved how they were connected to one another, how they didn’t fully understand how they should relate to each other and whether there could or should be something more. Nothing is really as it seems in this world and that adds another layer of intrigue to the whole story. Plus, I continue to love how Russian fairy tales and folklore are woven in.

Arden again explores the divide between good and evil, the power of love, and the importance of women having ownership in their lives and futures. The feminism permeating the pages was so empowering. The character growth was incredible and I’m really looking forward to seeing what happens to Vasya and Morozco next.

Synopsis

The magical adventure begun in The Bear and the Nightingalecontinues as brave Vasya, now a young woman, is forced to choose between marriage or life in a convent and instead flees her home—but soon finds herself called upon to help defend the city of Moscow when it comes under siege.

Orphaned and cast out as a witch by her village, Vasya’s options are few: resign herself to life in a convent, or allow her older sister to make her a match with a Moscovite prince. Both doom her to life in a tower, cut off from the vast world she longs to explore. So instead she chooses adventure, disguising herself as a boy and riding her horse into the woods. When a battle with some bandits who have been terrorizing the countryside earns her the admiration of the Grand Prince of Moscow, she must carefully guard the secret of her gender to remain in his good graces—even as she realizes his kingdom is under threat from mysterious forces only she will be able to stop.

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Disclosure: I received an ARC from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. Affiliate links included in this post.

Reading People: How Seeing The World Through The Lens Of Personality Changes Everything - Anne Bogel

My Review - 4.5 Stars

Allow me to start with a bit of a humble brag: it’s not every day your friend credits you for an entire chapter in her book. (So full disclosure: Anne is my friend and I might be biased…but I really am impressed with this book!)

Yep, Anne says my enthusiasm for the Enneagram is what got her interested in figuring out her type and I’m not sure I’ve ever received a better compliment. More on that below.

Reading People is a fantastic resource and I wish it had been around when I was first looking into various personality frameworks in my early 20s. Anne walks us through several personality type frameworks, giving a basic introduction to each, explaining how to figure out your type, and then, most importantly, what to do with the information.

It’s that latter aspect I could have used help with. I’ve always enjoyed figuring out my personality type. But when I was younger, it seemed like fun or interesting information but not anything that would necessarily change my life. That may be because I was still figuring out who I was, apart from any frameworks.

Anne’s examples and analogies were relatable and easy to understand. It was fun to see what the personality type might be for various literary characters. (I often think about this when it comes to the Enneagram.) I’m especially grateful for the way she unlocked insights into the cognitive functions for MBTI. This aspect of Myers-Briggs has always confused me, even after my MBTI-junkie friend tried explaining it to me a few years ago. But after reading that chapter, I have a better grasp on how my INFJ works.

If you’re friends with me for any length of time, chances are good I’ll bring up the Enneagram. It’s my favorite personality type framework and the one that’s had the most impact on my life. (Read all my posts about the Enneagram here.) Figuring out I was a Four seven years ago has ultimately made me a stronger, healthier person. I got to vet chapter 9 ahead of time- I’m the Leigh she references- and I really hope Anne’s introduction to the Enneagram gets people more interested in figuring out their type. It’s not always the easiest to figure out your type because you have to own up to your struggles but each type has amazing gifts and gives us a path toward healing and wholeness. It’s completely worth it.

If you’re new to figuring out your personality type or you’re not sure why personality types matter, this is the book for you.

A brief note: Reading People was published by Baker Books, a Christian publisher. If you’re not a Christian, be aware there are some references to faith and Christianity. However, I don’t think it would be an off-putting amount if you’re not religious. 

Synopsis

If the viral Buzzfeed-style personality quizzes are any indication, we are collectively obsessed with the idea of defining and knowing ourselves and our unique place in the world. But what we're finding is this: knowing which Harry Potter character you are is easy, but actually knowing yourself isn't as simple as just checking a few boxes on an online quiz.

For readers who long to dig deeper into what makes them uniquely them (and why that matters), popular blogger Anne Bogel has done the hard part--collecting, exploring, and explaining the most popular personality frameworks, such as Myers-Briggs, StrengthsFinder, Enneagram, and others. She explains to readers the life-changing insights that can be gained from each and shares specific, practical real-life applications across all facets of life, including love and marriage, productivity, parenting, the workplace, and spiritual life. In her friendly, relatable style, Bogel shares engaging personal stories that show firsthand how understanding personality can revolutionize the way we live, love, work, and pray.

Buy The Book Here:

Amazon | Barnes & Noble

Disclosure: I received a copy of the book from Anne and Baker Books. Affiliate links included in this post.