Genre: Nonfiction, Psychology
My Review - 5 Stars
Someday I will look back on this time in my life and point to this book as when it all changed. Yes. It’s that good. I'm a huge fan of Emily Nagoski's Come As You Are. In it, she briefly explored unlocking the stress cycle and it gave me so much to think about. A whole book co-written with her sister dedicated to the topic? Music to my ears and boy, did it deliver.
The introduction and first chapter blew my mind, right from the get-go and it only got better from there. There are so many takeaways that I don’t even know where to start. The beauty of this book is the way the Nagoskis lay out their insights. The chapters build on each other in a way that allows you to digest the information but also figure out how to incorporate it in to your life.
I wish this book had existed 15 years ago! I don’t know if I’d still be a social worker but I would have managed my career differently. This book helped me see how it didn’t matter how airtight my self-care practices were and why burnout happened anyway. It also showed me why I’ve been exhausted the last few years, even though I have more margin than ever—I did not know to label my current experience as burnout but it makes so much sense. I have not done a good job of completing the stress cycle and now I have more ideas and tools on how to do that.
I also appreciate the way they name and call out the patriarchy. It’s a huge layer of what women experience and I hadn’t thought about the specific and pernicious ways it impacts burnout and my sense of well-being. Yes, I can point to the ways the patriarchy has negatively impacted my life and the complicated emotions I carry or are dragged up by the news. But since this is how it’s always been, even if the #metoo movement is starting to bring about some changes, I never thought about the year after year toll. It was so helpful and validating to read those sections and be reminded that it’s not okay.
One chapter I want to mention is The Bikini Industrial Complex, which taught me that the Body Mass Index (BMI) is complete junk. It was created by a panel of nine people, seven of whom were employed by weight loss clinics. WEIGHT LOSS CLINICS. This was infuriating to read about. I haven’t stopped railing against the lobbyists who sold us out and and every doctor who took junk science at face value and used it against their patients. Screw them all.
Clearly the book made me angry in places—stupid patriarchy. But it was also extremely moving and engaging. I laughed and I cried. Burnout was not just a game-changer. It was life-altering. Every person who identifies as a woman would benefit from reading it. I’m so grateful to Emily and Amelia for writing it.
Synopsis
This groundbreaking book explains why women experience burnout differently than men—and provides a simple, science-based plan to help women minimize stress, manage emotions, and live a more joyful life.
Burnout. Many women in America have experienced it. What’s expected of women and what it’s really like to be a woman in today’s world are two very different things—and women exhaust themselves trying to close the gap between them. How can you “love your body” when every magazine cover has ten diet tips for becoming “your best self”? How do you “lean in” at work when you’re already operating at 110 percent and aren’t recognized for it? How can you live happily and healthily in a sexist world that is constantly telling you you’re too fat, too needy, too noisy, and too selfish?
Sisters Emily Nagoski, PhD, and Amelia Nagoski, DMA, are here to help end the cycle of feeling overwhelmed and exhausted. Instead of asking us to ignore the very real obstacles and societal pressures that stand between women and well-being, they explain with compassion and optimism what we’re up against—and show us how to fight back. In these pages you’ll learn
• what you can do to complete the biological stress cycle—and return your body to a state of relaxation
• how to manage the “monitor” in your brain that regulates the emotion of frustration
• how the Bikini Industrial Complex makes it difficult for women to love their bodies—and how to defend yourself against it
• why rest, human connection, and befriending your inner critic are keys to recovering and preventing burnout
With the help of eye-opening science, prescriptive advice, and helpful worksheets and exercises, all women will find something transformative in these pages—and will be empowered to create positive change. Emily and Amelia aren’t here to preach the broad platitudes of expensive self-care or insist that we strive for the impossible goal of “having it all.” Instead, they tell us that we are enough, just as we are—and that wellness, true wellness, is within our reach.
Buy the book:
Amazon (affiliate link) | Barnes & Noble
