Last year, my goal was to increase the amount of nonfiction I read. I had a loose plan for 2020 and I was on the right track. Then I experienced the Nashville tornado, directly followed by the pandemic in March. And my brain really did not want to focus on nonfiction anymore. I could lose myself in fiction without trouble but my eyes literally would not focus if I switched to nonfiction.
So I tried a few different things. I occasionally listened to memoirs on audiobook while I worked on a puzzle. I tried other nonfiction but memoir was the only successful option. And I could not listen to more than one, maybe two audiobooks per month or I'd lose patience and/or interest. Due dates proved to be helpful so I mostly gave up on the nonfiction I owned and turned to library ebooks instead. Lastly, in the case of The Warmth of Other Suns, which I started in February with the intention of reading 20 pages per week, I switched to reading 10 pages per day. Those pages add up and it taught me I do better with daily page counts, instead of weekly. I'm going to try that trick with other nonfiction I've been wanting to read going forward.
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Know My Name by Chanel Miller
What can I say that hasn’t already been said? This is a remarkable book and yet Chanel Miller should have never had to write it. Even so, I’m glad it exists and I fervently hope it creates lasting systemic change in which rapists are held accountable, systems actually serve and benefit the victims, and we see a noticeable decline in violence against women.
This was tough to read at times because of the subject matter. I ultimately switched from print to audiobook and this was a great decision. Miller narrates it herself and it made me appreciate her writing even more. I was not surprised to learn she studied spoken word—her care with word choice and cadence was evident throughout. She is a fantastic writer and I hope she’ll continue to write. I’ll never forget reading her victim statement on Buzzfeed and seeing the way it resonated with everyone. (This is included at the end of this memoir.) She has a powerful voice and she’s using it well.
CW: rape, sexual assault, sexual harassment, teen suicide, suicidal ideation, school shooting
Here For It: Or, How To Save Your Soul in America by R. Eric Thomas
Magnificent memoir-in-essays that made me laugh out loud and tear up. R. Eric Thomas is an incredibly gifted writer and his deft economy of language astounded me sentence after sentence. He writes about figuring out where he belonged as a Black gay Christian man. This is a solid collection but the latter half of the book was especially striking and contained my two favorite essays: Dinner Guests and Unsubscribe From All That. It's this latter half that made it a 5 star read.
CW: racism, homophobia, death of a friend by suicide
Good Talk by Mira Jacob
Extraordinary graphic memoir. I loved the stories she chose to share and the accompanying artwork. The last line or two made me tear up.
CW: racism, biphobia, xenophobia, Islamaphobia, anti-Semitism, cancer, death of father, marijuana, 9/11
Over The Top by Jonathan Van Ness
Highly recommend listening to this on audio as Jonathan reads it and adds so much warmth and dimension to the stories shared. This is such a beautiful message of love and self-acceptance. I loved getting to hear more about his life and I was really moved by so many of the stories, including the death of his stepfather and his struggles with sobriety. He takes care with the details he shares, trying to honor what he experienced without oversharing or potentially triggering others, going so far as to include content warnings at the start (bless him) and share what he’s learned in therapy. He also does a fair amount of education, especially regarding HIV and mental health. There are some great Queer Eye behind-the-scenes but mostly this left me with even more appreciation of who JVN is.
Note: Jonathan is nonbinary and at the time of this review, his pronouns are he/him/his.
CW: child sexual abuse, substance abuse, sex addiction, sex work, HIV diagnosis, death of loved one (cancer), fat-shaming (countered)
Let Love Rule by Lenny Kravitz
I listened on audiobook since Lenny narrates and this is absolutely the way to go. That voice!!! In addition to narrating, there are clips of him singing, including a favorite song when he was child and a church band he was part of. I’ve only known the broadest outlines of his life so I learned a ton. He starts out by reflecting on being a Gemini and the way he sees many dualities in his life, from having a Black mom and white father and so on. I was surprised to find out he was part of a boys choir and that he joined the Seventh Day Adventist Church. It was really interesting to hear his thoughts about faith and spirituality, particularly because of how open he is and how it all intersects with his dad being Jewish. And while I knew who his mom was, I did not know just how many big names were a part of his life (one of his godmothers is Cicely Tyson!) or how they influenced the trajectory of his career. I love that he had a sense of how Lisa Bonet would factor into his life well before they ever met. It was sweet to hear about the start of their relationship and Zoe’s birth. This only covers right up to when his career starts to take off and I’m looking forward to the next part of the story. As this book ended, he reflected that he was about to make some big mistakes and his story is to be continued. He’s a fascinating man, as fascinating as he’s attractive, really.
Because I listened to this, I didn’t do a great job tracking content warnings so here’s a partial list: parental infidelity, marijuana, racism, anti-Semitism, death of grandparent, friend’s substance abuse, teen friend had a pimp and he rescued her
The Warmth of Other Suns by Isabel Wilkerson
Isabel Wilkerson deserves every accolade she’s received. This is a stunning undertaking, part historical account, part sociology book, looking at the Great Migration of Black citizens who fled the South and came to the North looking for a better life. Wilkerson focuses on three people over the course of several decades and weaves in stories from other people along the way. It is not always easy to read (I did not track content warnings but just about everything you can think of applies to someone in these pages) but it shouldn’t be. No place in the United States is immune from the stain of racism and we have to actually deal with our history if we're ever going to be able to heal from it. George, Ida Mae, and Robert deserved so much better than they got, even once they arrived at their respective destinations. The Warmth of Other Suns deals directly with racism and its legacy. As a white reader, it’s important for me to sit with that discomfort and reflect on what I can be doing to challenge the systemic racism that's still in place. I certainly wish this had existed when I was in school but I’m so glad I read it now. Also: I did not expect Ray Charles or Barack Obama to make appearances in these pages and they were both fun surprises!
Good and Mad: The Revolutionary Power of Women's Anger by Rebecca Traister
What a cathartic read! The next time someone tells me anger is an unhealthy emotion, I’m going to shove this book in their hands.
This is written from a white lens and while Traister takes pains to acknowledge women of color wherever possible, it still largely centers the white woman’s experience. I plan on reading Brittney Cooper’s Eloquent Rage and Soraya Chemaly’s Rage Becomes Her for other perspectives.
Note: I did not track content warnings for this book but as you may imagine, it deals heavily with the ways women are mistreated, maligned, gaslighted, and abused. Exercise caution as needed.
Catch and Kill by Ronan Farrow
CW: sexual harassment, rape, attempted rape, sexism, misogyny, chid sexual abuse, pedophilia, reference to attempted suicide
This was brilliant journalism. Incredibly well-written but infuriating to see what men in power succeeded in getting away with far too many years. I seriously hate those in charge at NBC for canceling this story. At so many points, Farrow could have walked away, as Weinstein and his cronies made it very difficult for him to continue. I’m so grateful he prevailed and we now know the truth about these men. He did his best to honor what women these women endured and speak truth.
Part of me wants to look up all the people who tried to suppress it (again! The number of journalists who tried before Farrow is staggering) and the larger part of me doesn't want to know they didn't face any major consequences. The rise of #MeToo has made a difference and validated so many, including me, but people who abused their power still have yet to feel the brunt of their vile actions. When men’s careers start suffering because of their treatment of women, then we’ll know progress is actually being made.
When I think about the women whose careers were ruined, either overtly or indirectly because of the trauma, because of these men, I could weep. The story left me incandescent with rage. I am furious about how many people protected Weinstein, how many were complicit in his horrific treatment of women, and how many years he got away with it. It's sickening.
Farrow places himself in this story because it’s not just about the reporting he did but how his personal life was attacked and spied upon. It was really interesting to see how he wasn't immune to the allure of power himself. After the story broke, he tried to toe the line with what he said about NBC trying to kill the story, not lying about it but not leading with it either, because he hoped to get his old job back. We gotta pay our bills, I get it. And yet I don't think I could work for a place that did me and so many others dirty.
Farrow wanted to believe killing the Weinstein story was a one-off at NBC, not a pattern or evidence of how deep the rot went. That’s his privilege and shows why men in power keep getting away with this BS. Ultimately, as he sees the men in charge at NBC continue to pass the buck or even try to gaslight him, and as he uncovers evidence about Matt Lauer and many other journalists and executives there, he realizes there’s no going back.
This dragged up some of my own experiences (which pale in comparison to what Weinstein, Lauer, etc's victims went through) and if this is true of you, be gentle with yourself as you read and as you process these events. It’s well worth reading about and it’s well done. But it’s proof of how much farther we have to go.
Don't Call Us Dead by Danez Smith
What a remarkable collection. Smith’s poems wrestle with sex, sexuality, desire, HIV, and Blackness in ways that are luminous, revealing, and heart-wrenching. This is one to sit with for a while. Highly recommend.
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