Leigh Kramer

Answering Your Enneagram Questions: Part 3

 

Photo by Filip Mroz on Unsplash

 

A couple of weeks ago I asked people on Facebook and Twitter to submit their questions about the Enneagram.

Read part 1 and part 2.

If you're not familiar with the Enneagram, read my overview post. 

 

 

I actually have wondered about the overlap between MBTI and Enneagram. I don't they serve different functions, but the stuff Faith said [about being Type Five] I've always attributed to being an INFJ. 

How does MBTI type correlate to Enneagram type?

Myers-Briggs explains how you are. The Enneagram explains why you are. 

While I believe there are connections between the two systems, I haven't come across many viable resources on the topic, beyond basic correlations. 

But you might find the following articles interesting:

• Enneagram and MBTI Correlation from Typology Wiki (very information dense, which may be perfect for Fives.)
• Myers-Briggs/MBTI & Enneagram Correlations from Personality Junkie

The best chart comparison I've found is in Are You My Type, Am I Yours?, which not only compares the two systems but breaks it down further by males and females. (This makes me curious about what might happen if they went beyond the male-female binary.)

 

 

I'm always looking for info on using the enneagram in my working life; I've had a few really key revelations of why I work certain ways because I'm a 9 and I'm trying to expand that to my team. I manage a team of americorps members at a non-profit and this year had them all determine their enneagram type so I can better adjust my management style to each, but I'm not entirely sure where to start, especially for the ones whose types I'm least familiar with.

First, imagine me giving you a round of applause for incorporating the Enneagram at work. This is amazing and I wish all companies would do this. The Enneagram was big at my last job- it was even part of my interview to be hired- and we all regularly referenced our types in conversation. It made such a big difference in terms of handling conflict and communicating well. My coworkers weren't perfect but I don't think it's a coincidence that it was one of the best work environments I've ever experienced.

Second, the book I'd start with is Helen Palmer's The Enneagram In Love And Work. Palmer shows how each type interacts with other types in both relationships and at work. The analysis for each type pairing's dynamic at work and in relationships is different, which makes sense because we relate to each other differently if we're coworkers vs. dating/married. It's a great resource to have.

Next, Beatrice Chestnut released a book a couple of weeks ago that might be perfect for you: The 9 Types Of Leadership: Mastering The Art Of People In The 21st Century Workplace. I just happened to see it over the weekend so I haven't read it yet but her book The Complete Enneagram is one of my go-tos and I imagine this will become one as well.

 

 

Common misconceptions - about the whole thing, about certain types - your post about people totally misunderstanding it made me curious.

That Facebook post was a little tongue in cheek but...

The most common misconceptions probably have to do with wings and arrows. And I get it. Arrows in particular are hard to understand at first. But more than that, people can really, really misunderstand their type. Or they'll say they're two types. Either they haven't typed themselves correctly or they just plain don't understand what being a Two or Seven, etc. is really all about. 

No one is going to be an expert on their type from the start- I certainly wasn't!- but for some reason, many people new to the Enneagram present their type as if they are experts. More often than not, the information they present is wrong. I always tell people they've got to live it out for a while. See if they can catch themselves being their type during their day to day life.  

If I can offer a word of caution to people who want to type everyone around them: you are the only one who can determine your type. You might have guesses about someone's type but for the love of all that is holy stop telling people you know what type they are. You don't. If someone asks you for your best guess on their type, give them a couple of options. Otherwise, let them discover it on their own.

 

 

Any good Enneagram blogs, sites, Twitter accts, etc that you like.

The Enneagram Institute website is at the top of my list. So much good, time-tested information over there.

Favorite Books On The Enneagram (Books are my first resource forever and always.)

I haven't listened to Enneagram podcasts beyond an episode or two but people seem to like The Road Back To You, Typology, and The Liturgists Episode 37: The Enneagram. People have recommended Wild Crazy Meaningful Enneagram to me and while it was not my cup of tea, perhaps it will be yours.

I've appeared on a few podcasts to introduce the Enneagram. Listen to The Art Of Simple Episode 6: Enneagram 101 (originally titled Confront Your Junk), Sorta Awesome Episode 12: Oh, the Enneagram? It's Awesome! and Extra Awesome: Leigh Kramer Answers Your Enneagram Questions, The Lively Show #106: How The Enneagram Can Help You Grow And Improve Relationships (timely for the holidays!), and The Practical Minimalists Episode 28: The Freedom Of Knowing Yourself With The Enneagram. 

Suzanne Stabile shared her visual representation of each type on her Facebook page. They're not grouped by an album so scroll through the photos until you find your type. Example above.

I also like The Visual Enneagram, which you can purchase on Amazon and which EnneaApp uses for their test results.

30 Seconds Or Less gave us Enneavember a couple of years ago and the quick insights on each type were wonderful. (I'm on there for Type Four.)

Beyond this, take a gander at any of the feeds of Enneagram experts you enjoy. Many share insights about each type regularly. Enneagram in the Narrative Tradition usually has some great graphics and insights.

Answering Your Enneagram Questions: Part 2

 

Photo by Chris Knight on Unsplash

 

A couple of weeks ago I asked people on Facebook and Twitter to submit their questions about the Enneagram.

Part 1 ran yesterday.

If you're not familiar with the Enneagram, read my overview post. 

 

 

I often hear people say “I’m a # and super stressed so now I’m a disintegration #.” What do the types look like as themselves and not just “now I’m that.” (Clarified: people are viewing themselves as the number they disintegrate toward i.e. 1 disintegrates to 4 so they say they're a disintegrating 4 vs. being an unhealthy (their type.))

 

I wish I understood more about my stress "point" or "line" (Not sure what's proper terminology. We didn't cover that much when I first got my assessment. So I'm curious as to how to relates to my type and wing. 

Once you know how your type functions, which includes unhealthy tendencies, you can explore the arrows of integration and disintegration and see how they manifest themselves.

Besides wings, each type is connected to two other types via arrows. When healthy and balanced, you move toward your Arrow of Integration and take on the positive or healthy quality of that type. It goes in this order: 1-7-5-8-2-4-1 and 3-6-9-3. There's an element of choice involved in the arrow of integration. As we become healthier individuals, we often seek to become healthier still and out of this work, we'll notice the positive qualities of our arrow emerging. The more we lean into these positive qualities, the more we grow. (Taking on the positive qualities of our wings is another way we become more balanced and healthy.)

The reverse direction is your Arrow of Disintegration and shows how you respond when you’re stressed or unbalanced This is what happens when your usual way of dealing with stress doesn’t work anymore and it's a stopgap measure- a sounding of the alarm- before you descend to the truly unhealthy levels of your type. You take on the negative or unhealthy quality of that type. 1-4-2-8-5-7-1 and 3-9-6-3. This all tends to happen on a subconscious level. When you're stressed, do what you can to avoid falling into these negative traits.

I want to point out the bolded words in the previous two paragraphs. You take on the quality of the type your arrows moves toward. But you do not become that type. While the behavior might look similar on the surface, it's still coming out of your type's motivations. Think about it this way: each type has big issues so becoming like another type won't do you any favors. Taking on a type's qualities doesn't change us at our core. We're still who we are but we can learn from the other types. We really do need all nine types and the arrows- both positive and negative- show us why. 

Example: When Ones take on the positive qualities of Seven (arrow of integration), they become less critical and more accepting of themselves and others, they're naturally more optimistic, enthusiastic, and joyful, they'll be more spontaneous, and they'll do fun things for the sake of enjoyment. They can relax their guard and they're more able to learn from and relate to other people's perspectives.

When Ones take on the negative qualities of Four (arrow of disintegration), they feel like no one understands them or how hard they're working, their anger turns inward and they become moody and withdrawn, they feel unloved and unlovable, and they long for what they don't have and feel hopeless about ever obtaining it.

 

 

I’ve heard that type 6 has sub-types—would love to hear about that concept. 

I clarified this question is about the Six's phobic-counterphobic tendencies. All types have subtypes but the phobic-counterphobic distinction is unique to the Six.

Sixes have both phobic and counterphobic facets. You may see some Sixes more on one side of the spectrum than the other but in most cases the tendencies coexist. More phobic Sixes tend to be outwardly fearful and seek approval, whereas more counterphobic Sixes tend to confront their fears and be more reactionary.

For this reason, Sixes can be a mess of contradictions. They can be both bully and bullied, believer and doubter, leader and follower. 

Sixes tend to lean on whatever or whomever is influencing them in the moment. They don't trust their inner guidance so they lean on their Inner Council instead, looking for assurance and whatever will guarantee their sense of security. They'll look outside of themselves first for something to believe, then resist if it doesn't hold up, then look for some other solution. It's a push-pull. More insecure Sixes tend to simply accept others' ideas but they can also subject them to a good deal of testing and scrutiny. 

 

 

I think we need more resources about how the Enneagram interacts with mental illness. So many people have depression and anxiety and more... how do such common struggles interact with or throw a curveball into how we work with the Enneagram? 

I would love to see more resources on this topic! I haven't come across much exploration but I do know mental illness can throw a curveball into figuring out your type, particularly if it's been untreated or is not yet in maintenance mode. 

For the sake of simplifying this, let's consider people with untreated mental illness. They'll likely be operating out of the unhealthy levels of their type and in many cases may be so fully entrenched in their patterns, they're uninterested in learning how to get out of them, much less figuring out their Enneagram type.

If someone with mental illness does want to figure out their type, this is when those pesky arrows of disintegration might throw us off.

Riso and Hudson write, "When our personality is under stress for a long period of time, we may begin to shunt [to the Direction of Disintegration] so habitually that we may appear to be the type in the Direction of Disintegration. For this reason, people who have been suffering from emotional difficulties or major crises in their ives will often misidentify themselves as the type in their Direction of Disintegration rather than their basic type...We also have observed that people who have suffered from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), or who have significant borderline features in their personality, tend to move in their Direction of Disintegration more often and more easily. Their personalities have more volatility and are less strongly grounded in the basic type, and they therefore intensely shunt to the Direction of Disintegration" (p. 90, The Wisdom Of The Enneagram.)

How do symptoms of mental illness intersect with a type's behaviors? Riso and Hudson have made some correlations, which you can see in the levels of development for each type, showing the healthy, average, and unhealthy behaviors.

It might be most helpful for the person to figure out their Enneagram type with the help of their counselor or psychiatrist. 

Answering Your Enneagram Questions: Part 1

Photo by Diego PH on Unsplash

 

A couple of weeks ago I asked people on social media to submit their questions about the Enneagram. It's been a while since I've written about my favorite personality system and I was curious about what people wanted to know. The questions were amazing and I've had such a great time answering them. 

I decided to break this into three posts so you won't get too bogged down with information. Part 2 will be up tomorrow and part 3 the day after that.

If you're not familiar with the Enneagram, read my overview post. 

 

I have questions on trying to figure out my type. Best way to find type (quiz, app, reading, etc)? 

The best way to figure out your type is to read the type profiles and consider which one you are. I linked to the Enneagram Institute as a free resource and Beatrice Chestnut also gives great brief descriptions, but if you want to read a book instead, The Road Back To You is very accessible and engaging (FYI, it is written from a Christian perspective but faith is not overly front and center so I think non-Christians would still find benefit to reading it.) The Enneagram Made Easy is a basic, easy to understand guide as well. Most books include some sort of assessment tool.

Think about what is most true of you, most of the time. A few of the types might stand out from the others and you'll want to hone in from there. Pay attention to the core struggles and desires. You might go back and forth but eventually one type will stick out from the others. Don't be surprised if this realization isn't a happy one. Figuring out your type tends to make you wince. I was horrified when I realized I was a Four. But persevere and remember each type has amazing strengths as well. (Note: Sixes and Nines have the hardest time figuring out their type.) 

I don't recommend any free tests because they are rarely accurate. However, a couple of people have used Ian Cron's new Road Back To You assessment with good results and this could prove to be the exception to my rule. The Enneagram Institute has the RHETI for $12 and this tends to be good at identifying the top three possibilities. I've also heard good things about EnneaApp, which is a free app.

You could hire an Enneagram coach. Google and see if anyone is in your area. Otherwise, many offer sessions online. 

Lastly, there are Enneagram flashcards. There are quite a few different sorts you can do, with either yourself or someone else. Many counselors and spiritual directors use them in their practice so you may consider asking yours (or asking around if you don't already have these therapeutic relationships) to see if this is a possibility. Unless you plan on using them to help your friends and family figure out their type, it might not be worth buying your own set. But hey, you do you.

 

 

I cannot figure out my number! I get it narrowed down, and then I listen to a narrative about another number, and doubt myself. Any hints? 

As I mentioned above, Sixes and Nines have the hardest time figuring out their type. In the most stereotyped terms, Sixes because they want someone to tell them their type and Nines because they relate to all of the types. If you can relate to either of those things, perhaps start with profiles for those types.

Beyond that, it's not uncommon to have a tough time figuring out your type. 

It takes a lot of self-awareness and time to consider what's really true of you. It's hard to recognize what's at the root of our problems and motivations. How do we know what drives our behavior? The Enneagram gives us a language for our behaviors and motivations but it's not always clear cut when you're first learning about the nine types.

See how your top three guesses play out as you're discerning your type. Think about what's most true of you most of the time. Maybe you notice a particular positive or negative quality sometimes but on a day to day basis, look at what is really happening and whether you notice a type's core struggles and desires. Consider whether there's a common thread between your worries, fears, and frustrations, as this can help you figure out whether you relate to a type's core struggle.

One type will likely rise to the top and if they don't, then you'll want to go back to the drawing board and repeat this process.

 

 

Here's what 10 year ago me wanted to know: Okay, Enneagram, you've shown me who I *am* in all my unhealth, & who I have the potential to be...How do I get from here to there? What are my next steps from despairing, dramatic, alone to creative, universal, redemptive? I figured it out on my own, painstakingly. But I felt like the Enneagram books were lacking in practical advice, perhaps especially for Fours.

First, you have to really know your type. I like to tell people they have to "catch" themselves being their type. In your day to day, notice when you're being your type. For the Four, this could involve noticing the ebb and flow of your feelings, when you're comparing yourself to someone else, when you're thinking about how different or unique you are, when you're nursing hurt feelings (especially old wounds), or when you're lost in your daydreams.

I'd suggest reading several different profiles of your type and see what stands out. ("So that's why I do that!") Then in your day to day, notice it. When you feel like you have a good grasp on your type, then start reading about the arrows of integration and disintegration and see if you can catch yourself moving towards health or unhealth. Observation can be extremely instructive on how and what we need to work on.

I'm not sure what books you read but I've found The Wisdom Of The Enneagram and The Complete Enneagram to be very helpful in terms of the practices they suggest for each type. Both books lay out practical advice, as well as how each type can build on their strengths. Even The Enneagram Made Easy has a list of helpful suggestions.

Beyond that, the most helpful tool for me has been the Healing Attitudes, as laid out in chapter 16 of The Wisdom Of The Enneagram. There are three sentences for each type and they all start with the word "maybe." This opens us up to the idea that maybe this idea is more true about us than what we currently believe. 

When you first read your type's healing attitudes, they might feel impossible or untrue.For instance, our self-martyring Twos are going to have a hard time believing, "Maybe I could let someone else do this."

When I'm stressed or insecure, I go back to my healing attitudes and while there's still one that feels impossible, the other two have made a world of difference. And that gives me hope that one day that third healing attitude will become believable too.

 

 

This might sound really dumb but how do I truly move into health? I'm 100% a 9 and really struggle with motivation and ignoring the hard thing. Will creating a cleaning schedule and making a productivity plan (like GTD) truly help or is that just a band aid?

I love this kind of question! Creating schedules and making plans can be helpful but only to a point. It's probably more helpful to consider the "why" behind your resistance. Where is the lack of motivation coming from? Why do you want to ignore the hard thing? 

A sign of a healthy Nine is when they exert themselves into taking action. One of the Healing Attitudes is "Maybe I need to get energized and be involved." But getting there can take some time and you also don't want to overcorrect and exert so much that you exhaust yourself. Which is why figuring out your feelings is so important, maybe especially important for Nines who tend to tamp down their feelings and go along with what everyone else wants. 

That said, there are a few things you might try. The night before or in the morning, make a short list of what you want to accomplish that day. Give yourself definite deadlines- you can add more goals to your list once you've finished. Reward yourself when you've completed a task- time for a gold star! Trick yourself into doing chores by listening to podcasts or your favorite music while you work.

The Enneagram and the Difference Between Needing and Being

While I was on The Practical Minimalists podcast to talk about the Enneagram last month, I noticed how often I said a type needed to "learn to be." Sometimes it was followed by a particular quality or lesson but often it was the literal state of being. While each type has its own driving need, it also has a pathway for growth which entails us shedding our fears.

When we decide not to listen to our fear anymore, we can begin recognizing we don't need to hide behind a mask in order for people to love and accept us as we are.

We can be ourselves. Fully.

I usually describe the Enneagram this way:

The Enneagram is made up of nine types which are oriented around root struggles. Each type has a corresponding great gift, the yin to their struggle’s yang. The goal of the Enneagram is that as we grow, we will embody more of our type's positive qualities and less of the negative qualities. We will be able to be our best, healthiest selves.

(Not sure what I'm talking about? Read this overview.)

As we embody more of our type's strengths, we're also learning to accept ourselves. And each type does this differently.

Our root struggles happen because of our insecurities and fears. Some types run toward people, while others want to hide. Some types focus on "work" (not necessarily their job) while others center around their image. Some want to keep the peace while others strike first and ask questions later. We may not all care what other people think about us but on a subconscious level, we're all curating the person we want others to see. 

It's exhausting. Our driving need to be needed, to be perfect, to avoid, and so on takes a lot of energy, whether or not we're aware of the pattern. 

Consider how you respond to the words "need" and "be." "Need" suggests some kind of hunger and the lengths we'll go to alleviate it. In contrast, my body almost relaxes at the thought of "be" or "being." It's serene and peaceful. It's a breath of fresh air.

You can also think of "being" as "resting." When we are truly ourselves, we are at rest with ourselves. We accept ourselves and that often means (other healthy) people accept us, too.

So how do we learn how to be? Let's take a look at each type.

 

Type One: The Need to Be Perfect

Ones have a driving need to live their life the Right Way. Their idea of the Right Way, that is. This results in overly high expectations for themselves and for others. Ones are their own worst critic and constantly review their actions and thoughts for how they stack up against their ideals.

Healthy Ones recognize and accept imperfections and mistakes are a part of life. Erring doesn't mean they're bad or defective. They accept themselves, imperfections and all. They trust their loved ones will do the same.

 

Type Two: The Need To Be Needed

Twos are driven to be close to others but can slip into doing things for others in order to be needed. They see themselves as loving, well-intentioned people and believe they know what's best for everyone around them. But beneath that is the fear they're unworthy of being loved.

Healthy Twos recognize they don't need to help everyone else in order to be loved. They can help others for others' sake and put up boundaries where appropriate. They can prioritize their own needs. They can trust they are enough.

 

Type Three: The Need To Succeed

In their quest to succeed, Threes identify with a particular self-image they believe is more acceptable than their authentic selves; they can grow out of touch with who they are and what they really want. They become more concerned with doing or being whatever they believe will make them feel worthwhile, which can lead to a cycle of workaholism and competitiveness. No achievement is ever quite enough.

Healthy Threes realize the most important thing is to be their true selves. They don't have to earn love and acceptance through their achievements. They can rest in who they are.

 

Type Four: The Need To Be Special 

Fours want to avoid ordinariness. They fear they have no identity or personal significance and expend a lot of energy curating the image they present to the world, one which shows everyone just how different and unique they are. They constantly compare themselves to others, seeing where they fall short.

Healthy Fours know there's nothing wrong with being ordinary. In fact, they find freedom in no longer defining themselves by how different they are. They can rest in the knowledge there's nothing wrong with them. They already have everything they need to be loved and accepted.

 

Type Five: The Need To Perceive 

Fives guard their time, energy, and intellectual property like none other. They want to know and understand everything, in part to be self-sufficient but also to avoid looking foolish. This can lead to isolation and a lack of self-care.

Healthy Fives understand they already have what they need. They recognize how their single-minded focus in amassing knowledge or expertise can wind up keeping their loved ones at bay. They are able to see the world in a new way, one that's filled with possibility and those who care about them.

 

Type Six: The Need To Be Secure

Sixes are anxious and unsure of how to make decisions, avoid danger, and move forward in life. They need to have certitude and reassurance- from their loved ones and from authority figures. They don't trust their own abilities.

Healthy Sixes are able to accept not knowing the outcome of things. Instead of always scanning the horizon for danger, they become fully present and grounded in the moment. They trust they'll be able to handle the ups and downs of life.

 

Type Seven: The Need To Avoid Pain

Sevens try to fill up their emptiness with exciting experiences; they can become excessive in every area of life. They have difficulty distinguishing between their wants and needs. They'd rather focus on the next fun thing than deal with painful emotions or circumstances.

Healthy Sevens learn how to become present to their pain in order to move through it. They realize life is a gift and they have more than their fair share of blessings.  They know they don't have to be the life of the party to be loved.

 

Type Eight: The Need To Be Against

Eights are drawn toward intensity and control. They hate feeling weak or dependent and avoid it at all costs. They like to test boundaries and often believe rules were made to be broken.

Healthy Eights know how to be vulnerable with those who love them. They trust people- at least, their loved ones- are not out to get them. They are able to feel deeply benevolent toward themselves, others, and the world.

 

Type Nine: The Need To Avoid

Nines avoid anything that will upset inner tranquility. They tend to be complacent, simplifying problems and minimizing anything upsetting. They resist putting out energy to being fully here.

Healthy Nines are empowered to participate dynamically in their lives. They trust people will still care about them when they assert their opinions. They play a powerful role in creating a healing, harmonious environment for themselves and others. 

 

 

If you take away anything from reading this, let it be this: You. Are. Enough.

You are worthy of love and acceptance simply because you're you.

Working through your type's pitfalls will help you grow into accepting these truths. It's not easy. There's a reason we developed these patterns to protect ourselves, after all. When we let go of our needs, our driving motivations, we open ourselves up to a new way of approaching life and, in return, we can experience a healthier relationship with ourselves and with others. 

 

Related:

Favorite Books On The Enneagram

Favorite Books on the Enneagram

 

I've lost track of how many books and online resources I've read on the Enneagram. It's my favorite personality type system. I've been plumbing the depths of my type for several years now and still keep learning new aspects about it. It truly is a dynamic system.

These books are my go-tos. I use them for different reasons and I've tried to mention what I like (and dislike, as it were) about each one. 

 

 

Start Here

The Enneagram Made Easy- Renee Baron and Elizabeth Wagele

The title says it all: this is a quick and easy overview of the nine types. Baron and Wagele's books also feature fun cartoons to illustrate each type's strengths and weaknesses. The book also highlights how to get along with each type, what's great and what's hard about being each type, and closes out the chapter with practical suggestions.

 

 

 

 

 

The Road Back To You: An Enneagram Journey To Self-Discovery- Ian Morgan Cron and Suzanne Stabile

This provides an introduction to the Enneagram and why it's beneficial to figure out your type. They then devote a chapter to each type. As I read, it struck me how truly readable the book was, as opposed to others which, while worth reading, have a more academic, almost clinical tone.

Cron includes many examples from his and Suzanne's lives, including their friends and family, and this roots the type descriptions better than other Enneagram resources. His writing style is engaging, though his attempts at humor didn't always work for me. This is written from a Christian perspective but I believe non-Christians could still get a lot out of it. Cron is able to depict the types in a way that is personable, gracious, and incising. People will see themselves reflected on the pages and gain more compassion and understanding for themselves and others. (Full review here.) 

 

 

 

The Enneagram: A Christian Perspective- Richard Rohr

This was my introduction to the Enneagram, based on a friend's recommendations, so it will always have a special place in my heart but I include it here with major reservations. This is not the book I'd recommend starting with unless you are a Christian who has concerns about the Enneagram's origins. (If you only knew about many Christians have taken me aside and asked in hushed tones if the Enneagram is "New Agey".) Rohr devotes time to explaining the origins of the Enneagram and the nine types. As the subtitle shows, it's very much rooted in his Christian beliefs. If you're not a Christian, you'll want to skip it. If you are a Christian, you may appreciate his care in showing how growing within your type mirrors sanctification. At times, his type descriptions rely on stereotypes and I don't find some of his assumptions helpful (i.e. I don't think entire countries have an Enneagram type.)

 

 

 

 

Go Deeper

The Wisdom Of The Enneagram: The Complete Guide To Psychological And Spiritual Growth For The Nine Personality Types- Don Richard Riso and Russ Hudson

Dense with information, Riso and Hudson lay out their approach to the Enneagram, particularly focusing on each type's biggest fears, desires, and motivations. This is considered by many to be the foremost resource when it comes to the Enneagram- and I agree. It's my go-to for a reason. If you don't already know your type, this could be overwhelming. But once you do, dive on in. Riso and Hudson spend a lot of time illustrating how wings and arrows work, as well as showing how each type can grow. Some people may find small sections to be a little too woo-woo but it's easy enough to skip those if you need to and focus on the rest. One of my favorite chapters includes the Healing Attitudes for each type, which has been life-changing.

 

 

 

 

The Complete Enneagram: 27 Paths To Greater Self-Knowledge- Beatrice Chestnut

Chestnut has her own spin on the Enneagram. I particularly liked how she lists the key beliefs and assumptions for each type and the way she laid out practical applications. She offers one of the most thorough explanations of the instinctual subtypes (self-preservation, social, sexual) that I've come across and while that particular part of Enneagram theory has yet to resonate with me personally, a ton of friends were able to identify their specific type because of this. I had a huge personal breakthrough while reading the chapter on Fours. However, I find her explanation of arrows to be confusing and even misleading and would point people toward Riso and Hudson's explanation in The Wisdom of the Enneagram instead. I also didn't like the insets on each type's Greek archetype, though I can see why others will appreciate it. Overall, a solid resource.

 

 

 

 

Improve Your Relationship With Others

Are You My Type? Am I Yours? Relationships Made Easy Through The Enneagram- Renee Baron and Elizabeth Wagele

A basic but thorough resource comparing how each Enneagram type pairing gets along. I like how they clarify what each type likes and dislikes about the other types and then gives concrete advice on how to support each type. This is fun to bring to a gathering of Enneagram lovers and pass around. Much interesting conversation ensues.

 

 

 

 

The Enneagram of Parenting: The Nine Types of Children and How to Raise Them Successfully- Elizabeth Wagele 

Fantastic resource for anyone with children in their life, whether or not they're a parent. I'm glad the emphasis is on children containing qualities of a type, instead of typing children. They're too young for that. Their personalities can change so much! Still, the concrete information and practical applications will be helpful.

 

 

 

 

 

The Enneagram in Love and Work- Helen Palmer

I use this more as a reference tool, rather than a book to read from start to finish. It has proven to be very helpful thus far. Palmer shows how each type interacts with other types in both relationships and at work.The analysis for each type pairing's dynamic at work and in relationships is different, which makes sense because we relate to each other differently if we're coworkers vs. dating/married. I had a tricky dynamic with a colleague and Palmer's suggestions helped me stay on track. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Disclosure: Affiliate links included in this post.